NYC Cops vs. Superheroes

Superman and Batman were apprehended by NYC police in Times Square his week for 'performing' in costume without a permit.

Batman was cuffed, but released.

Superman was arrested for resisting arrest, including punching a police officer in the face when asked for ID.

No word though if Rorschach was observing from the shadows, taking notes.






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My Top 13 "Hard Times" Movies

Its summer blockbuster season and usually this is the time of year when I like to sit back and lose myself in a popcorn flick.

With the next Harry Potter coming out soon, the summer will finally peak and it’ll be back to reality.

But there’s cinematic relief for us as we’re still dealing with the "soft" recession and worrying about paying our bills.



There are plenty of movies that show characters dealing with monetary setbacks, career problems and complete life overhauls. Some are good, some are cheesy, some are bad and a few are downright fantastic.

These are just a few I’d like to recommend.


1.) Tootsie (1982)
What do you do when you can’t get a job? Whatever it takes. The lesson is clear: no complaining, no excuses, just resourcefulness. Dressing in drag never hurts either.

2.) Mr. Mom (1983)
Ah, the endless comedy of role reversal. I consider this one to be an unsung classic, but then again…Teri Garr and Michael Keaton are two of our most highly underrated comic actors ever. This movie’s all about going with the flow and doing the best you can with the role you’ve been given.

3.) Tommy Boy (1995)
“We don’t take no s*# from nobody.” What do you do when your job is threatened by a giant conglomerate? You get busy figuring out how to stop it from happening, and then you take the show on the road. I know, it’s a fantasy. But movies about blue-collared mid-western workers falling on hard times are few and far between.

4.) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Okay, so this one’s more for cathartic viewing. It’s fun to watch characters that live above our piddly everyday struggles with finances. Sure, they pay dearly for their monetary gains, but that just bumps this one up a notch to a cautionary tale. But honestly, you don’t ever really need a reason to watch this one…it should always be in the queue.

5.) The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio (2005)
This is a tearjerker that reminds us all not to count out our natural gifts and talents. Find out what you’re good at and then do it, even if it means entering one amateur contest after another…you never know when prize money might come in handy or when your talent might actually help you out of a bind.

6.) Sliding Doors (1998)
Sometimes what seems like the worst thing that could ever happen to you can turn out the be the best thing. It’s all about your perspective, and this clever little film reminds you of that. (The always delightful John Hannah is just a bonus.)

7.) Fun with Dick and Jane (1977/2005)
You know what I love about this movie? Instead of doing ye olde predictable “husband and wife turning on each other in the face of trouble” thing, the married couple actually sticks together. Sure, they break the law a little, but that’s not really what the movie is about. It’s about teamwork and winning one for the little guy.

8.) Roger and Me (1989)
Whatever you’re going through, it could be worse…and this documentary will remind you of that.

9.) Cinderella Man (2005)
Times are tough, but here’s a flick that pretty much screams at you from your television, “Have a little tenacity!” Is it Ron Howard’s best? No. But it’s a good reminder that you have to work for what you need and a reminder that we all have setbacks in life…usually quite a few. The best way to deal is just to keep going.

10.) The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)
The ultimate celluloid lesson in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.

11.) Overboard (1987)
I know, this one’s a stretch. But its class wars at their finest. I’m not ashamed to say that Goldie Hawn really makes me laugh in this and hey, it’s always fun to watch rich people do their own chores. Never gets old.

12.) 9 to 5 (1980)
If this doesn’t inspire you to get organized while listening to the kicky tunes of Dolly Parton, something is seriously wrong with you. It’s a little slice of late 70’s/early 80’s heaven and women’s lib. Sit back, relax and enjoy.

13.) Modern Times (1936)
This is easily one of the greatest films of all time. It’s a sharp and witty satire on how it feels to be “stuck in the machine”. It’s genius, it’s enjoyable, it’s sad, and it’s eerily relevant. It's the best "hard times" movie I've ever seen and the one with the most substance.

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Ryan Reynolds is GREEN LANTERN

Perpetually smirking Ryan Reynolds has finally gotten his franchise.

After portraying "Hannibal King" in Blade: Trinity, "Deadpool" in X-Men Origins: Wolverine and after hovering over the long rumored Flash film, Reynolds is finally playing his own iconic character, Hal Jordan, Green Lantern.

According to Variety, production is expected to begin in January with Martin Campbell directing the Warner Bros. film with a screenplay by Greg Berlanti, Marc Guggenheim and Michael Green.

The film is expected to be released June 17, 2011.


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Dead.

Okay, so this column was supposed to be the one I promised a few weeks back about what to do between the second and third drafts of a feature script, but my mother died yesterday and that news has diverted me somewhat into writing about something entirely different. This probably isn’t terrible news – I can’t imagine many of you were staring fixedly at your monitors eagerly awaiting eight-hundred words on ‘what to do between the second and third drafts of a feature script’ and those of you who were probably need to get out more.

So, this column is about feelings; not in a wimpy ‘I’m a needy fucker who wants to use this column as therapy’ way, but in a ‘how can we use our feelings to our advantage as writers?’ I’ll do the other thing next time, I promise. Maybe...

I hadn’t spoken to my mother in around six years – she lived in Spain and I lived in England and we weren’t close, either geographically or emotionally – so when she died I was able to react to the news much more analytically than one might expect upon hearing of the surprising death of a parent. Although this process only actually started twenty-four hours ago, it has been very useful in allowing me to assess what is appropriate and reasonable and what is conditioned as being somehow ‘normal’. Of course, grief is a subjective concept – especially with regard to how one displays it, although perhaps not quite to the degree that one might expect. I’ll give you an example; Michael Jackson just died, as I’m sure you noticed, and that led to a kind of grief which is neither realistic nor contextually appropriate. What happened there was that rather than reacting in what might be regarded as a proportionate and environmentally suitable manner, people started to react in the way they thought they were supposed to - and because they were unsure of degree, they overcooked it

This is what I didn’t do, yesterday, when I got the call.

I think that our reaction to crisis, bad news or disaster is actually often more about how we think we are supposed to feel than how we actually feel. Of course, sometimes our response is emotionally hard-wired into us – I hear about people who really do collapse when terrible news is received, although it has never happened to me and I have never seen it. What generally happens is that the bad news is imparted and the recipient then thinks for a nanosecond; this is news of such magnitude, after all, that the response needs to be appropriate, but without any idea of what is a reasonable pattern of behaviour it is difficult to work out the correct reaction. With such a challenge and enthusiastic immediacy being key to the process, I think the natural tendency is to ‘go large’; to ensure that the reaction to the news is extreme enough to encompass all reasonable expectations of that reaction. Ergo; a pop singer that virtually no-one under discussion has ever met dies and many, many people are to be found weeping, wailing and ululating in an outpouring of grief that is as inappropriate as it is embarrassing.

How does any of this apply to writing? (I imagine you wondering.) Well, it is all to do with honesty, and the absolute responsibility you have, as a writer, to the characters that you have given creative birth to. I spent a little time this morning on the internet looking at video of Michael Jackson’s grieving fans and Princess Diana’s bereft and sobbing supporters and – unrepresentative though it may be – my comprehensive survey clearly shows that even though the people who appear to be enthusiastically grieving obviously genuinely feel that they have suffered some loss, it isn’t convincing in the slightest; there is a disconnect behind their eyes which shows us that they know that it just ain’t gonna wash. Although their gut tells them that they have suffered a grievous loss, their brain tells them that they never knew the deceased, either in a physical or an emotional sense. They know they’re cheating, but they still want to be able to touch and to feel...

So, which is weirder – my not be able to grieve properly about the death of the person who brought me into the world or millions of fools weeping about the demise of someone they never even met? Well, they are both strange, of course – and neither works in dramatic terms unless the inappropriate level of feeling is in some way relevant and important to the story that you are trying to tell. Generally speaking, people should always behave in an apposite fashion in your tale because otherwise you are betraying your characters. Your audience will be uncomfortable with anyone who doesn’t react in a suitable way to the problems that present themselves, because that means that the conventions have been bent and anything can then happen. They don’t want anything to be able to happen – they want to see people reacting and responding to seismic challenges in an entertaining and yet believable manner, within realistic parameters. To labour the point – the question can be extraordinary and the setting extreme, but the answer must always be found by the application of reality, truth and authenticity.

In drama, we like our behaviour to be proportionate because it allows us to quickly involve ourselves in, and thus react to, the conflict that we see on the screen or the page. It is only in real life that we are allowed to get away with behaving in an entirely inappropriate manner without any logic, rhyme or reason – we are not machines, after all. In the world of fiction, unless it is somehow essential to the story, people must remain true to their character, consistent to themselves and appropriate within the conventions of the society to which they belong.

Truth, after all, will always be stranger than fiction...

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Which of These Three Actors Will Patrol Sector 2814 as GREEN LANTERN?!!!

According to The Hollywood Reporter, final casting is underway for the title character in director Martin Campbell's adaptation of the DC Comics superhero Green Lantern.

The studio ordered up two rounds of screen tests with actors Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds and Justin Timberlake.

An announcement should be made soon as the holding deal the studio had on the actors expired Monday.

Green Lantern aka Hal Jordan, the hot-shot Air Force pilot who is chosen by a dying alien to be his successor in an intergalactic police force known as the Green Lanterns.

Who do you think would be best suited to portray the character?









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Friday Video-A-Go-Go!

The Inspiral Carpets' "Saturn 5"


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The Forbidden Planet Rocket

Once upon a time, there was a little comic books store in Denmark Street in London – a store recalled with much fondness and nostalgia by many people who come in to the big, bright lights of its modern-day descendant.

That store was Forbidden Planet. Denmark Street is a row of music shops now – but it still has a bohemian feel that hearkens back to the chilled out, long-hair-and-bell-bottoms memories we have of those times.

Forbidden Planet has been fortunate enough to have two pieces of exclusive, now-cult artwork designed for the company. One was the ‘People Like Us’ alien, by comic books artist Brian Bolland, drawn originally in 1978. The other commemorated the company’s move from Denmark Street to New Oxford Street in 1988 – and has become the brand synonymous with top-end genre retail. It’s the Forbidden Planet rocket, designed by acclaimed artist Rian Hughes, who also drew the font and typeface used for the logo.


In 2008, when Forbidden Planet celebrated its 30th anniversary, the company decided to celebrate the New Age of Geek by fusing its long past with today’s street-smart, contemporary art – how better to tie the old with the new than to recreate the cult classic Forbidden Planet rocket in hot, Urban Vinyl 3D?

In 2009, a worldwide exclusive of 350 pieces, the realisation of this fusion has been designed by 3D vinyl artist Matt ‘Lunartik’ JOnes.

When I asked Rian how he felt about seeing his classic logo re-visualised in 3D, he said, "In the modern virtual world where design work sometimes never leaves the digital realm, there's nothing like seeing your work in full 3D reality - and with the subtle aroma of fresh vinyl, I'm a happy man".

And he’s not kidding – the rocket measures 8” of pure vinyl goodness, comes with its own base featuring the retro flare from the 2D image and features his classic typeface on the night-blue packaging.

It’s fantastic.


Not to be outdone, Lunartik has also designed his own ‘banana’ variant, a humorous take on the rocket’s wickedly suggestive shape – and, as he says, completely ‘freshly squeezed… extra juicy pure vinyl goodness’. Each banana comes signed by Lunartik and dated.

Urban Vinyl is branching out into more new formats than I have space to list – into plush toys, into computer accessories, into home accessories – and now into a world-recognised marketing retail brand. And now better to design something memorable than to make it naughty – both rocket and banana work absolutely because of their insinuation. They’re perfect urban vinyl – daring, contentious, suggestive, genius!




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CD REVIEW: CAGE - DEPART FROM ME

With each of his releases, emcee Cage has shown growth.

From the juvenile horrorcore fantasies of his debut Movies For The Blind to his brilliant, more mature sophomore release Hell's Winter, he's gotten better and better.

Now with his third release Depart From Me, he's taken a more introspective approach.



Since Hell's Winter, Cage has had to suffer the loss of his best friend and longtime collaborator/producer/rapper Camu Tao.



The pain of this loss is reflected in the first song "Nothing Left To Say." Here, Cage laments the fact that no one praised Camu when he was alive but when he died all the secret admirers came out of the woodwork. "Dr. Strong" is a reflection of his time spent in the Stony Lodge, a mental hospital, after being committed there by his parents.

"Teenage Hands" finds him discussing teenagers being manipulated by adults, as he flows similar to Schoolly D on "P.S.K." over a plodding bassline. While he raps on "Katie's Song," it has more of a rock feel. Cage doesvwhat sounds like an impression of The Killers' Brandon Flowers on the chorus as he goes on about songs about people who hook up once and pretend to fall in love because they're too embarrassed to admit they don't feel any

But it's not all self-reflection and depression. "Kick Rocks" is a song about people who are annoying, something everyone can relate to. "Fat Kids Need An Anthem" is a recounting of how Cage lost a lot of weight after Hell's Winter. Jokingly, he recounts a scene from the film Fight Club and how he went from fantasizing about women to dreaming about food he can't eat anymore. As the song finishes, he talks to the listener in a manner similar to Mike Muir on Suicidal Tendencies "Institutionalized."

Despite the dark tone of Depart From Me, there's a ray of hope in the lead single and last track "I Never Knew You." The song focuses on a lonely man who becomes infatuated with a woman he met on the street. While still a bit of a bummer track, there's a silver lining as the protagonist finds himself not focusing on his solitude but on this beautiful woman he saw on the street. The haunting, somber synths floating over a simple drum track make it a unique hip-hop song where a little vulnerability is shown.

Producers El-P and F. Sean Martin create similar but different backdrops. El-P's beats are based on '88 style drums with a layer of fuzzy synths. Martin focuses less on the beat itself and focuses more on synths and fuzzy bass, creating a more danceable vibe. Sonically, it may be too electro for traditional hip-hop fans. But lyrically, he paints a picture of the turmoil that we all deal with whether we say it or not.

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James Franco is Pretty Damned Funny, Too

James Franco's Rejected UCLA Commencement Speech from James Franco

Over at Funny or Die, Franco has been hitting them out of the park. Check out his series, Acting with James Franco after the jump.

Acting With James Franco Episode 1: "Sense Memory" from James Franco

Acting with James Franco Episode 2: "Green Screen" from James Franco

Acting with James Franco Episode 3: Scene Work from James Franco

Acting with James Franco Episode 3: Scene Work from James Franco

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Craig Ferguson is Funnier Than The Rest

Growing up, I watched Johnny Carson and was a die-hard fan of Letterman. I never cared for Leno much, and although I've enjoyed Conan O'Brien over the years, I've found his show to be hit or miss. Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Chevy Chase, Pat Sajak, Arsenio Hall and the rest have only caught my attention for a moment or two, if at all.

And now, I can safely say that the new "King of Late Night" is the Late, Late Show's Craig Ferguson.

Below and after the jump check out several examples of why I think Ferguson's great.



























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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

I've been racking my brain, thinking of "ugly" actresses and what concerns me is that there aren't many ugly women that do film. Is that strange? But then again, someone who's beautiful to me might be hideous to all of you. So I'm looking for more peculiar and unique actresses. Women who I love to death who when I see them in a film, I know I'll at least enjoy their parts.

And no. I did not mean that in a sexual manner.

Also, this article would have been put up sooner, but my internet decided in the middle of writing it 2 hours ago to just go out completely and destroy half of the article. Huzzah!


10) Fairuza Balk



To be honest, I find her absolutely breathtaking. But through the years, I've been told otherwise by people who thought they knew a thing or two about what looks good. Like I said, to each their own. But I tend to love the crazy ones, and Ms. Balk tends to play some insane roles. From her turn as Edward Norton's skinhead girlfriend in American History X to her insane witch in The Craft, I'm always in a happier mood when she's on screen. Hell, to be honest, when I first saw her in Return to Oz, I knew something was special. Wish she did more movies, but I know she owns a shop in LA. Or at least used to.

9) Meryl Streep



Again, I think she's a beautiful woman. But tons of people tend to badmouth her, which is strange to me. She's been a fantastic actress for as long as I've been born and before. Let me try to think of a handful of movies I love her work in. The Deer Hunter, Manhattan, Kramer Vs. Kramer, Death Becomes Her, Adaptation and Doubt. And that's off the top of my head. She's a two time Oscar winner (for Kramer Vs. Kramer and Sophie's Choice) and has been nominated 15 times! There's no stopping who many consider America's greatest living actress.

8) Glenn Close



Like I said above, it really is in the eye of the beholder. I'm a huge Glenn Close fan. From her recent TV work in The Shield and Damages to her great film work (The World According to Garp, Dangerous Liaisons, Hamlet, The Paper, Mars Attacks, Air Force One to name a few). But she'll always be remembered for her iconic psychopath role in Fatal Attraction. I mean, how could you not when you're tormenting Michael Douglas and boiling a rabbit alive? I'll also remember her for being the perfect woman to play a real life Cruella De Vil and as Homer Simpson's mother on The Simpsons.

7) Joan Cusack



Ahh, John Cusack's older sister is always typecast as a homely woman, but I don't see it. She tends to make up for it with neurotic and downplayed roles that not many actresses can handle. I remember seeing her as one of the members of Saturday Night Live in one of the bad years that they have every so often. I personally love her in the underrated Steve Martin comedy My Blue Heaven, both of the Addams Family movies, Toy Story 2 and a very understated role in School of Rock. Well, any movie where she can have Jack Black act a bit better than usual is a triumph to me.

6) Sissy Spacek



Of course I had to put a picture up of her iconic role in Brian DePalma's adaptation of Stephen King's Carrie, which to this day is such a fantastic horror movie about the trials and tribulations of a girl becoming a woman. But she's always been a bit peculiar with that country charm I've always loved. And there's plenty of other movies she's done worth checking out. Badlands with Martin Sheen, directed by Terrence Malick, is one of the best cross country serial killer movies that are based on the Starkweather/Fugate killing spree that rocked this nation. Her Oscar winning portrayal of Loretta Lynn in Coal Miner's Daughter is a fantastic biopic which isn't mentioned as much as you'd think. She's even cute in the pretty horrible movie Blast From the Past except for the dynamic of her and Christopher Walken's husband and wife duo. Other than that, it kind of stinks. But as I said, she'll always be remembered for "They're all gonna laugh at you!"

5) Linda Hunt



Most recognize her for her short stature, glasses and little creepy voice. I recognize her for her fantastic acting in Carnivale and her Academy Award winning role of Billy Kwan in Peter Weir's The Year of Living Dangerously. Her role was the first ever that an actress won for playing an opposite sex character. Recently, most people will realize afterward that she is the voice of Gaia, who is the narrator of the God of War video games. Her voice tends to creep out a ton of people. I think it's fantastic.

4) Tilda Swinton



Ahh, Tilda Swinton. I remember seeing her for the first time and realizing she was someone to look out for. I luckily wasn't mistaken those many years ago. I first saw her in the much hated (not sure why) Danny Boyle film The Beach, which starred Leonardo Dicaprio. It might be because of the backlash from all the people who couldn't take the Titanic backwash, but I've always liked the film on a different level. Then of course, she made a great turn in the film Vanilla Sky, but most people remember the film for Tom Cruise running around in a smooth mask. She's probably best known for her role as the White Witch Jadis in the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe film (and a brief cameo in the sequel and as the archangel Gabriel in the better than it should have been Constantine. Lately she's been doing a lot of stellar work in films such as Michael Clayton (which won her an Oscar) and the Coen Bros. political comedy Burn After Reading. She might look like a banshee, but that's what makes her unique.

3) Kathy Bates



She might be best known for torturing the hell out of James Caan in the Rob Reiner film Misery, another Stephen King adaptation. But this fantastic actress has had to make up for people's heckles about her weight and it's always come through that she can act with the very best of them. Personally, I think she looks like an ideal mother, but what do I know? Of course the above photo is from her very risque scene with Jack Nicholson in the film About Schmidt, but why is it risque at all? Because she has a bit more meat on her bones? What can I say about her that's negative? She did Titanic? That's not too terrible, so instead I'll run down some of her more positive work, such as her television work on Six Feet Under and the Stephen King mini-series The Stand, and film work such as Primary Colors and Revolutionary Road.

2)Uma Thurman



I won't lie. I love Uma Thurman to death. I think she's gorgeous. I think it's because she's actually shown her age and grown into herself that people tend to label her as 'mannish' and 'ugly'. I don't see it, but all I need to do is list 2 (or 3 to some) movies, both of which are Quentin Tarantino films. Pulp Fiction, which is where most people first saw her, and Kill Bill, which of course was split in two, but I always look at it as a singular movie experience. Someone who is that bad ass and still looks good with blood splattered on her bride's gown deserves a thumbs up. Plus, the first time I ever saw her on screen was in one of my favorite movies as a child. The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. I don't know how many times I rewound the scene where she first appears as Venus coming out of the shell. Wow.

1) Frances McDormand



The muse of the Coen Bros. It kind of helps that she's Joel Coen's wife, but it doesn't take away the fact that she is a top rate actress who is fantastic in anything I've ever seen her in. Listing all the Coen Bros. films she's been in would be asinine, but I will do it anyway. Miller's Crossing, Raising Arizona, Barton Fink, Fargo, The Man Who Wasn't There and Burn After Reading are already enough to cement her in the top spot. But geez, she was in Darkman, Sam Raimi's answer to Batman. Acting opposite Liam Neeson in such a ridiculous movie somehow trumps everything else.

So yeah, this list is not perfect. But that's okay. Any actresses you can think of that aren't stereotypical beauties that you'd put on my list. Want to crucify me for putting a particular favorite actress on this list? Let me know. I'm all ears.
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Music Is My Black-Draped Rusting Lunchbox.

I always kind of knew that it wouldn’t end well.

And while I’ve had one or two freakishly psychic dreams over the years, there was, in this case, nothing similar or specific to which I could point as the foundation for that belief. Instead, it was just a feeling. A cynical gnawing, a knowing dread. But, regardless of what exactly “it” was, on Thursday the 25th, it happened.

Sometimes, I really, truly hate it when I’m right.


I had originally intended this week’s column to be one of two things: Music Is My Dilemma Over My Graduation Gift or Music Is The Stress Fracture In My Left Foot.

And, yes, the latter would have contained at least one Daniel Day-Lewis reference.

But then Thursday the 25th happened, and, suddenly, those columns seemed a lot less relevant, especially to a 38-year-old, ‘70s- and ‘80s-obsessed pop culture junkie such as myself.

In a way, it all reminded me of 9th grade.

See, I was in 9th grade—AP Biology, to be exact—when the space-shuttle Challenger blew up. Our teacher for the class was probably one of the smartest in the school—an über-science guy, who also happened to look and sound uncannily like Carl Sagan, much to our endless secret amusement. Anyway, I still remember that someone came to the door and told him what happened. He told us, and then he just walked over to his desk, slumped down in his chair, threw up his hands, and mumbled something like, “I can’t do this now.”

And, by 7pm Thursday, I felt exactly the same way about all the studying I had to do that night.

First, it was Farrah. When I got home from class in the early afternoon, I walked into the studio to check my email and the news, and I saw that Farrah Fawcett had died. Granted, it wasn’t too much of a shock—we all knew she was very sick and wasn’t doing well. But it still bummed me out.

My parents never let me watch Charlie’s Angels. To this day, I don’t know why, and, when pressed, my mom says that she no longer remembers, either. But I’ve always imagined that it was because (a) they thought it too violent for a six-year-old, or (b) my father was way too uptight to allow the house to watch something labeled in the press as “Jiggle TV.”

Not, um, like I would have had any idea what that even meant, but, sadly, unlike The Brady Bunch or The Jeffersons, we didn’t have a sassy housekeeper to interject reason when needed.

Although I did always think my grandmother looked like Alice. But I digress.

Anyway, that’s not to say that I never saw Charlie’s Angels. In fact, I saw one episode. And it actually marked an important moment in my life.

During the summer repeats following the first season, when Farrah was still on the show, my parents let me spend the night at my maternal grandparents’ house. I can no longer remember if I knew the show was on that night or if I just happened upon it while changing the channel, but I neglected to tell to them that I wasn’t allowed to watch it. So, for the next hour, we all sat there and watched—my grandmother in her recliner, my grandfather on the couch, and me on the scratchy green-carpeted floor. And there, on that scratchy green carpet, at six years of age, I experienced my first-ever act of rebellion and parental defiance.

I felt so smart, so daring, so clever, so cunning…

And the episode that launched me on the path to becoming Lady Miss Smartypants? The eternally classic “Angels In Chains”—where they go undercover in the womens’ prison.

Fabulous.

But, on Thursday, I didn’t have time for the pain—I had work to do. So, just like every other day in recent memory, I plopped myself on the couch and began outlining my notes.

But, then, an hour or so later, just like every other day in recent memory, I got bored. So I opened up The Huffington Post . . .

Only to be greeted by the headline, “Michael Jackson Dies.”

It took an exaggerated moment for me to process the headline and to realize that I wasn’t, in fact, currently standing in line at the supermarket reading a tabloid’s crazy-ass gossip. When it finally did sink it, I walked dazedly into the other room where my boyfriend was playing videogames. In a voice that can only be described as that of a lost and sad nine-year-old girl, I quietly uttered, “Michael Jackson died.”

After an uncomprehending moment, he rushed past me, went into the studio, and pulled up CNN. “H-here, l-look” he stammered, calling to me while pointing at the computer screen, “It just says he’s in a coma.”

And I stared at him as if—well—he had just announced plans to buy the Elephant Man’s bones… because, um, yeah… “a coma” makes it so much better.

We quickly both moved into the living room and turned on Keith Olbermann’s coverage.

And then it happened.

I literally started bawling. Right there on the couch.

Now, in retrospect, this most likely happened for either or both of two reasons:

(a) As a result of being currently in the midst of two very hardcore months of intense studying for The Very Big Test, I am emotionally fragile and have also been known to start crying at the discarded, forlorn mop in the Swiffer commercial, and

(b) I am ridiculous.

And, oh, believe me… I knew that I was being ridiculous. At one point, I almost laughed at my own absurdity, exasperatedly arguing, “But I don’t even like Michael Jackson!” between sobs.

But, of course, that isn’t exactly true—how could anyone not like Michael Jackson?

The thing is, the Michael Jackson that I loved was the Michael Jackson of the Jackson Five through Off The Wall. The outgoing, absolutely adorable little boy in the crazy ‘60s and ‘70s outfits whose amazing, searing vocals turned already perfect Motown pop songs into instant classics. Who then grew up to create the gorgeous pop masterpiece that was Off the Wall—an album perfectly suited to both filling dance floors at Studio 54 and entire summer afternoons of driveway roller-skating.

But Thriller?

Honestly, I never really understood what the fuss was about. I mean, have you listened to “The Girl Is Mine”?

It’s no secret that Michael’s goal with Thriller was to create the greatest pop album in the world. To me, he had already come pretty close with Off the Wall, and, after that, Thriller just struck me, even at age twelve, as the sound of someone trying too hard. A duet with Paul McCartney, Eddie Van Halen playing guitar on “Beat It,” all the dancing, fourteen minute long music videos with fifty dancers… To me, it just seemed “gimmicky” and a distraction from what really mattered—the actual music.

I mean, as much as I loved Duran Duran… did I need a twelve-plus-minute-long video for “Wild Boys”? No, especially because, sadly, it didn’t make the song any better.

But regardless of what I personally thought about Thriller, the important thing was that it had a profound effect on a lot of people, and, thus, it totally altered the cultural zeitgeist. And I was not only fortunate enough to experience it first-hand, but I got to experience it in junior high school.

This included:

—Leslie, who was totally in love with Michael Jackson, had taped the Thriller gatefold album cover to the underside lid of her lift-open desk, and, much to the teacher’s chagrin, she kept opening her desk to gaze at him and “stroke” his hair.

—Cassandra, who had actually tried to blackmail me in first grade, wore a single white glove to school for about three months.

—André had the red leather Michael Jackson jacket, and, at dances, he would do entire Michael Jackson dance routines, while everyone stood around him in a circle.

—Attempting to moonwalk in front of my bedroom mirror.

—The “Looking Back” page in our 1984 school yearbook, which noted that “Michael Jackson won 8 American Music Awards and was nominated for 12 Grammys” and “we bought the albums of Michael Jackson, Quiet Riot, Loverboy, Def Leppard, and DeBarge” (Note: Yeah, because when I think of 1984, I think of… DeBarge????)

—And, of course, along with Duran Duran, Madonna, David Bowie, and Prince, the Thriller songs formed an integral part of the soundtrack at our junior high school dances—the best dances EVER.

Looking back now, I realize that part of the problem was that I always viewed Michael Jackson as a musician and/or singer. But, in reality, he was an entertainer and to place so much weight on his music while giving no weight whatsoever to the brilliance of his other talents was both unfair and short-sighted on my part. And after watching about a week of footage of his performances, both old and new, I get that now.

About an hour after my boyfriend and I began watching the coverage on Thursday, I had to run out and get something to eat. On my way back, I somehow managed to convince myself that it was all just a big joke.

I vaguely remembered people saying what a practical joker Michael was, and, how in the 1992 TV movie, The Jacksons: An American Dream, he and Marlon dropped water balloons out their hotel window onto peoples’ heads. Ha! Oh, no… I would not be fooled, not me, by this most recent joke, launched in connection with his upcoming string of performances, especially since tomorrow, there would be a press conference where Michael would come out from backstage, giggling in that high-pitched child-like giggle at how he totally just punked the whole entire world.

But then halfway across the parking lot, I stopped—literally in my tracks—because I realized, well, that was just insane.

Yet I still couldn’t understand why in the world it was affecting me so much.

The next day I figured it out. While reading an article on MSNBC, I came across a quote that brought everything into crystal clarity:

“These people were on our lunchboxes.”

And there it was.

Within the space of one short day, two icons—two HUGE icons—from my childhood were gone, and, with them, the world moved even further away from the big, warm, safe, happy wonderland with weird clothes and Star Wars figures and Palmolive-I’m Soaking-In-It that I loved so much as a child.

Dammit.

And while it sure beats the alternative, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that being thirty-eight really kind of sucks. Because I want that world back.

I want the 1970s, the 1980s, Farrah, Michael, my lunchbox, the cardboard-tasting cafeteria pizza, and, yes, even DeBarge, back.

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Welcome to Comics You Need to Buy . . . NOW!

Thinking about my column for this month I was a bit stumped. I missed out on Jaws Week because I was just swamped at work, but since Jaws is one of my Top 10 All Time Favorite Movies I thought I would just chime in late about what a great piece of film and fiction it is and how it played a major role in my high school life. But then I was kind of "meh" on the idea.

So, how about an anti-media piece keyed off by the ridiculous and embarrassing coverage of Michael Jackson's death.


Nah . . . way too played out.

And then I picked up my comics from Newbury Comics today and the column was set it stone: Two "books" every pulp-fiction/pop-culture lovin' fan should have in their possession, pronto!



First up: Grant Morrison's and Frank Quitely's Batman and Robin from DC Comics.

For those not in the know, Batman a/k/a Bruce Wayne is dead. But the legend of the Bat can never die and the city of Gotham must have its Guardian to keep the madness at bay.

So the only man fit for the job has stepped into the cape and cowl of the Dark Knight and Batman lives again.

Dick Grayson, the original teen sidekick Robin, is all grown up, a hero in his own right (as Bludhaven's Nightwing), who for years has stood shoulder to shoulder with his adoptive father and mentor, Batman.

When the call went out, Dick was more than up to the task.


Along for the ride is an all-new, all-different Robin.

Damien Wayne is the estranged son of Bruce Wayne and Talia Al Ghul (the Daughter of the Demon, Ra's Al Ghul - arguably Batman's greatest nemesis.) Raised by assassins and terrorists, Damien is far from the textbook definition of a selfless hero. He's snotty, arrogant, and generally, a pain in the ass. He's also competent and deadly, the true heir to Bruce Wayne's legacy of being all a human can be.

And, he's only 10 years old.


Pressed with the responsibility that Bruce Wayne left for this mismatched pair and assaulted on all sides by new and more menacing enemies than ever before, the new Batman and Robin have brought fun and dynamic action back to comics.

This isn't just good comics, or entertaining bathroom reading. This is epic storytelling - filled with drama, angst, humor, and horror. Frank Quitely (Morrison's most frequent collaborator, and probably the artist who gets the writer the most) is at the top of his game. His panel layouts, designs, and overall energy on each and every page is astounding.

And . . . its only two issues into a planned 12 issue run. Get it now, while you can!





Next up: DC Comics' (again!) Wednesday Comics!

This latest weekly offering from DC (following the success of other weeklies 52, Countdown to Final Crisis, and the just completed Trinity) features 15 one-page comic strips per issue.


But what a page!

Each issue of the 12-issue run folds out to an astounding 14" X 20" size similar to a daily newspaper.

The art and stories are by some of the industries best and brightest, including Neil Gaiman (on Metamorpho with artist Mike Allred), Joe Kubert and Andy Kubert on Sgt. Rock, indy-fav Paul Pope on Adam Strange in Strange Adventures, and Dave "Watchmen" Gibbons writing Jack Kirby's classic Kamandi (with the phenomenal Ryan Sook on art chores!)

The first issue was released today and will run for the next 12 Wednesdays, so if you ever needed to get yourself into a comic shop this is it. In conjunction with today's release, USA Today also ran Wednesday Comics' Superman strip (by John Arcudi and Lee Bermejo) in all of their papers and online - if you don't believe my hype, go read it for free and be convinced that this is a truly unique opportunity to enjoy some amazing comics in a fresh "new" format!

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Michael Jackson’s Funeral RANT – 7/7/09

Michael Jackson’s Funeral RANT – Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

He died over a week ago and the world was shocked.

TMZ called it almost two hours before CNN, which didn’t surprise me at all.

He died leaving behind a major musical and dancing legacy as well as many controversies.


The coverage has been massive, rivaling the death of a President or a Princess.

And many people have complained that it’s been way too much coverage, or that he doesn’t deserve it because he was a child-molesting pervert who “sang and danced a little.”



Like New York Congressman Peter King:



Now, if you’re not going to separate the artist with questionable judgment (and or morals) who did bad things from their art, let’s talk about Auguste Rodin and how he treated Camille Claudel, or Frank Sinatra, Woody Allen, Picasso, Chaplin, Jerry Lee Lewis, Da Vinci, Fatty Arbuckle, etc.

Forgot about those guys and their shit, didn't you.

I met Michael Jackson a few times when I live in Hollywood and worked at the flagship Tower Records on Sunset Boulevard. Lots of celebrities would shop there, usually asking us to open at some ungodly hour of the morning, or stay late for them.

The first time I met him, my friend Mike, who was the assistant manager, told me that MJ was coming in the next day. I was beside myself – MICHAEL JACKSON? I’M GONNA MEET MICHAEL JACKSON?

I had no idea what to expect. He showed up in a “costume” that consisted of an afro wig, some crazy makeup job, a white shirt, black “high water” pants, white socks encrusted with rhinestones, a black cape, and those goofy teeth that kids wear at Halloween, and a red satin surgical mask. Did I mention that his black penny loafers had the initials MJ on them in gold?

Yea – NOBODY would recognize him…

I was stupefied. Mike told me that he does that often and that I was not allowed to take a photo with him, but could ask for an autograph, which I did and still have it.

He was very quiet and shy, but did speak with me – he asked what I used in my hair. At the time I was sporting a cobalt blue Mohawk. I told him I used Aqua Net. He smiled and said that his Mother used to use that in the 70’s, and we both laughed. He handed me his autograph and shook my hand.

I melted.

Then he walked away and wandered through the Laserdisc section (this was 1985 people) while his assistant (who looked like an 18 year old Ron Howard) handed me a list of videotapes to get. They were all Disney and Hitchcock films.

And I mean EVERY Disney and Hitchcock film that existed.

Onto the memorial. 20,000 people inside the Staples Center. Hundreds outside, and millions stationed all over the world.

First, Smokey Robinson read statements from Diana Ross and Nelson Mandela. Then silence for about 5 or 10 minutes in which the talking heads on CNN had to blather on about shit we’ve heard a thousand times before.

Okay, it’s 15 minutes later and a choir (Andre Crouch’s I think) begins to sing a Gospel tune, We Are Going To See The King as they brought in his casket. It is gold and teeming with flowers.

Pastor Lucious Smith takes the stage and reads a statement, talking about how everyone was gathered to celebrate the life of MJ.

Out comes Mariah Carey in a black, SEE THROUGH dress.

Ahhhh Mariah, a hooker to the end.

And her voice sounds like crap. Her back up singer Trey Lorenz was okay, but his mic was fucked up.

Here’s Queen Latifah, still in need of a stylist, but slightly better than what she usually wears. Anyway, she talked about her early memories of Michael and the J5. Then she read some words fresh from Maya Angelou.

Lionel Richie sings a Gospel tune. He held it together well. Why doesn’t anybody talk about HIS surgified face? It is so obvious people, please.

Berry Gordy gave a little speech that included fond memories of MJ’s childhood.

Now lots of clips of him dancing, the crowd goes wild!

Stevie Wonder! He sang two songs – one I didn’t know, and “They Won’t Go.”

Kobe Bryant & Magic Johnson talked about MJ’s humanitarian efforts – he’s in the Guinness Book for the most money donated to charities. Then Magic told a story about working on the “Remember The Time” video and how MJ ate Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Here comes Jennifer Hudson. She sang “Will You Be There.” and sounded a thousand times better than Mariah

Here’s Rev. Al Sharpton.

FIRE AND BRIMSTONE!

He worked it out y’all. Told MJ’s kids that there was nothing strange about their daddy, it’s what he dealt with in life that was strange. Look it up on YouTube.

John Mayer? He played “Human Nature.” I’m glad he didn’t sing.

Brooke Shields came on stage on the verge of tears with a quivering voice.

Oh lawd, I’m loosin’ it. Looks like her eyelash medicine is workin’ though.

She told tales of how her and MJ hung out in the 80’s. She read something from the book, “The Little Prince.” Then she told his kids, “Prince, Paris, and Blanket…”

SHE SAID BLANKET!

Jermaine Jackson sang, “Smile (though your heart is aching,” and I have no idea how he’s able to do this.

Okay, he’s been beside himself for over a week and hasn’t sung live for a very long time. I’m not mad at him. But he’s gotta do something about his hair.

Awww damn, he started crying, but he worked it out. Damn, now I’M CRYING!

MLK III came out with Bernice A. King and both gave nice speeches.

Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee came to us on behalf of…the Constitution. We ALL UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE ALL INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY! Okay, that was weird. She blathered on for about 10 minutes.

Usher sang “Gone Too Soon.” He touched MJ’s casket and then cried at the end.

Smokey Robinson reflected on his writing of “Who’s Lovin’ You.” And How MJ stole it from him at 10 years old. Then the winner if Britain’s Got Talent came out and sang the song and killed it.

Kenny Ortega came out and talked about how phenomenal MJ was. Then the back up singers from the London shows came out and sang “We Are The World.” The family and a kid’s chorus joined in.

Then Jermaine thanked everyone for coming out. Then Marlon told a funny story and thanked MJ. THEN PARIS SPOKE! She said that MJ was the best father ever…then burst into tears.



I totally lost it then.

The show was over two hours and was a zillion times better than what BET did.

Say what you want about the media circus, the world has lost an amazing entertainer, the like of we will probably never see again. Beyond sad.

Well, I’m off to Berlin next week for 23 days. I will also go to London and possibly France. I will tell you all things Geek about my trip!

Love,
Crystal


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New Red Band FUNNY PEOPLE Trailer

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New DISTRICT 9 Trailer - A Fun Place to Visit....

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Geek Tech Gadget Review - iPhone 3G S

The new iPhone is a triumph of personal gadgetry. Apple's latest iPhone OS update, plus the improved hardware of the new iPhone 3G S is a winning combination that brings speed, power, and a plethora of useful features.

I've had the original first generation iPhone for nearly two years now.

It's been an essential lifestyle device for the entire time I've owned it.



But it wasn't without it's flaws.

The battery isn't what it used to be, the OS could get frustratingly sluggish, and web browsing was an exercise in patience. I finally decided to upgrade to the newest model after my supercool boss offered to pay for half of the $199 price.

I've had the new iPhone 3G S running the latest version of the iPhone OS for only a few days now, and I'm blown away by the improvements.



The new iPhone is faster and more powerful, significantly so. It's CPU is improved, and it has double the RAM. This improvement is very noticeable while flipping through, opening, and using apps. There is no doubt that it it a big step up in power. The OS is much more responsive.

The camera has also improved from 2 megapixels to 3.

That might not seem like much, but it definitely makes a difference.

Recording video is now a feature, and it includes a a primitive but useful editor for quickly trimming recorded videos. The ability to trim is a handy feature that can save precious storage space while on the go. The ability to upload videos directly to YouTube is an added bonus.

But the biggest improvement for me is the improved internet speed.

Keep in mind, I've gone from the original first generation iPhone with the Edge data network, straight to the newest model with 3G, coupled with the faster CPU.

It is a night and day difference in usability when it comes to web browsing, as well as other apps. Combined with GPS, the new compass app, and Google Maps, my experience using my iPhone to help navigate myself through the skyscraper landscape of NYC throughout my workday is now much more efficient and far easier.

The previous version of the iPhone had GPS, but I didn't have that model. Like many early adopters, my original 2 year contract is only just now ending, which is why I leapfrogged the 2nd iPhone offering. So GPS is new for me, and it's usefulness to me is a revelation. The compass app is instantly useful for me as well. Often I'll exit a subway station, not knowing East from West.

In a city with rigid, numbered grid, the iPhone's new compass app is a big help in a new city that I'm still familiarizing myself with.

Other apps utilize GPS in great ways too.

AroundMe and Yelp are essentials that I've been using regularly to find restaurants and shops withing the vicinity of my location. I've used these apps before, but the 3G network speed and the new, faster CPU and additional RAM really speeds up the usability of apps such as these. They produce results nearly instantly upon launch.

A few months ago I was ready to give the Palm Pre or an Android phone a chance when my AT&T iPhone contract expired. But then Apple announced, then released their iPhone OS 3.0 update, and shortly after, the new iPhone 3G S was revealed and released. I simply could not ignore the tempting combination of features, available apps, and elegance of the hardware. I caved and upgraded and I'm very glad I did so.

The iPhone 3G S is an impressive gadget, worthwhile for the usefulness that it offers.


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Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt Cinemash SID AND NANCY

Personally, I think this is pretty cool.

Mean Magazine is launching Cinemash which has celebrities reenact their favorite scenes from classic films.

It launched today with (500) Days of Summer co-stars Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt starring in Sid and Nancy.

With a twist.



Upcoming cinesmashes include Cheech & Chong in Tron, Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant of Reno 911! and Aziz Ansari and Rob Huebel of Human Giant in Point Break, Channing Tatum and Charlyne Yi in Dirty Dancing, Milo Ventimiglia in Oldboy, Will Arnett and Xavier (Adult Swim) in Carrie and Common and Christopher Mintz-Plasse in Training Day!


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Disney’s Got Tat

Even back in the 1950’s, when the American youth culture first began to rebel against the mainstream society, Disney was on the cutting edge of what the kids wanted.

Back when Disneyland first opened, they put out a booklet to encourage the children, the youth and even some adults to rebel against the status quo...well, temporarily, anyway.




Temporary rebellion was something Disney could handle, something that screamed individuality but that could be washed off before going back to a status quo existence.



At one point in Disneyland early years, an entire booklet of Disneyland-theme temporary tattoos was up for sale. Why this no longer exists is anyone’s guess. I’m guessing it was fear of hippies dousing temporary tattoos with LSD in the 1960’s that was to blame for the death of this souvenir, but no one really knows.



Look closely at the characters.

A grinning Goofy has his sleeves rolled up as though he’s about to try his first sweet taste of that Disney tattoo.

Beware, Goofy, the first one is always free.

Donald remains somewhat anonymous behind a wall as his chipmunk minions hand over what is to be Goofy’s first step into getting hooked on the tattoo craze.

Also, read the front cover closely and you’ll see that it was approved by the Dept. of Agriculture.

So, even the Eisenhower administration was supportive of the temporary rebellion being marketed by Disney.


Yup, even the marketing men at Disneyland were able to predict that someday tattoos and rebellion would both be iconically represented by turn-of-the-century automobiles and double-decker buses.

So, yes, it is safe to say that much of the counter-culture of today has carriages, trains and wooden Indians to thank for its very existence.



This nonsensical mish-mash contains everything from trains, animals and an angry native that resembles Lionel Ritchie to a cannon being fired (presumably at an invasion from the cannibalistic Ritchie tribe).

NOTE - At no point in Disneyland’s history has there ever been a moment when they employed working armory, so not sure what that tattoo is really trying to convey.



This glimpse into the future of 1985 is a real eye opener into the atomic world of tomorrow.

Not only will there be motorized boats (wow!), but also giant squids attempting to strangle themselves every chance they get, roads that go in circles and what appears to be convertible space rockets (gravity is for suckers).

Oh, and missiles.

Lots of missiles.

The Red Scare will be very much alive in the future, so we will be responding to threats with annihilatory retaliation.

This booklet is actually pretty charming and is something I would purchase regularly if it were still made available at the many gift shops that fill Disneyland. This is but a dream. *sigh*

If you want a temporary Disney tattoo, you’re out of luck.

However, real ones are just a tattoo parlor away. So, if you wanna be more like George Reiger, the Disney Tattoo Guy, save up your money and get yourself tattooed into Walt Disney’s personal billboard.

Apparently, the ladies love it.



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CONTEST! Win Big From THE FIRST 48 on A&E! New Season Tuesdays at 9/8c!

This summer, A&E is bringing back the critically acclaimed Real-Life series, THE FIRST 48 for more action-packed drama. Season nine of THE FIRST 48 airs Tuesdays at 9:00PM ET/PT. THE FIRST 48, the most watched non-fiction investigative series on cable, comes back for another strong season of taking viewers behind the scenes of real-life investigations with unprecedented access to crime scenes, forensic processing and interrogations. The series, which follows homicide detectives in real time during the critical first 48 hours of murder investigations, follows the nation's top police departments, including Miami, Minneapolis, Louisville and Birmingham. Be sure to stay tuned after The First 48 for all new episodes of The Cleaner starring Benjamin Bratt Tuesdays at 10/9c on A&E. Become a fan on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Enter To Win The Best of The First 48 DVD

To enter, please send an email with the subject header "FIRST 48" to editor @ forcesofgeek dot com. Please include your name and address (U.S. only).

Only one entry per person and a winner will be chosen at random.

Contest ends at midnight EST on August 2, 2009.




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Carradine and Other Cult Cinema

Most people remember actor David Carradine, who passed away last month in Bangkok, as wandering Shaolin monk Kwai Chang Caine in the 1970’s television series Kung Fu (or as the character’s descendant in the 90’s syndicated sequel series, Kung Fu: The Legend Continues). Film buffs probably remember him as Woody Guthrie in the Oscar-winning Bound For Glory (for which Carradine also garnered a Golden Globe nom), masked Frankenstein in the original Death Race 2000, or as the titular character of Quentin Tarantino’s paean to exploitation cinema, Kill Bill. There are over 200 acting credits listed on his IMDb page, so there's no question that the man made a mark in the worlds of cinema and television.

Me, I’ll always remember him best for his appearances in dozens of B-movies and exploitation films, especially Circle of Iron – and why not? After all, Carradine assays no less than four roles in this mystical martial arts movie from 1978. Ironically, Blue Underground has just released a new version of this cult favorite, only weeks before its star’s death.



CIRCLE OF IRON (Blu-Ray)
1978, Blue Underground
Based on a story by martial arts film legend Bruce Lee and A-List screenwriter Stirling Silliphant (The Towering Inferno, The Killer Elite) for a unrealized project intended to star Lee and James Coburn, Circle of Iron (a/k/a The Silent Flute) was ultimately realized by exploitation producer Sandy Howard and star David Carradine.

The story is simple: in an unnamed, mystical land, a young martial artist named Cord (Jeff Cooper) competes for the right to go on a quest for The Book of All Knowledge. He loses, but prideful, goes on the quest anyway. Over the course of his journey he must face and defeat several champions (three of which are played by Carradine) and learn the true meaning of life from a blind man with a flute (also Carradine).

The movie, the only directorial credit of cinematographer Richard Moore, is beautiful to look at, with remarkable, otherworldly settings shot on location in Israel, and features cameo appearances by cult favorites Roddy McDowell, Eli Wallach and Christopher Lee. But the final screenplay by Stanley Mann somehow manages to be both banal and pretentious, and despite numerous martial arts sequences, the film moves at a surprisingly lethargic pace. The movie is also hurt by Jeff Cooper’s casting as Cord the Seeker – he’s a piece of wood in a blond mullet.

The movie really exists to showcase Carradine, though, and he acquits himself quite well. Though he was never quite the martial artist he wanted people to believe he was, he comes off impressively in Circle of Iron, playing all four of his roles – The Blind Man, The Monkey Man, a warlord named Changsha, and Death himself – with considerable enthusiasm. As the Blind Man, he delivers Zen wisdom with both dry wit and conviction, and that goes a long way towards keeping the movie watchable.

Blue Underground has re-issued Circle of Iron on Blu-Ray disc, incorporating all of the bonus features of their previous special edition DVD, and upgrading their beautiful 1.66:1 widescreen transfer to 1080p HD. The movie practically glows. Several audio options are provided, including 7.1 DTS-HD, 7.1 Dolby True HD, and 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround.

There’s a commentary track by director Richard Moore, and long, interesting on-screen interviews with David Carradine, producer Paul Maslansky, and Martial Arts Coordinator Joe Lewis. There’s also an audio interview with screenwriter Stirling Silliphant, and multiple TV spots and theatrical trailers.

Circle of Iron is deeply flawed, but appropriately enough, that makes it a fitting tribute to Carradine's career and his talents. It’s definitely worth checking out at least once, and if you’re a fan of the film – and there are many – then the new Blu-Ray presentation is absolutely worth getting, as it makes one of the movie’s true strengths – it’s cinematography – even more impressive.


CHILDREN OF THE CORN (Blu-Ray)
1984, Anchor Bay
Based on a short story by Stephen King, this low budget horror film from New World Pictures and director Fritz Kiersch ultimately spawned a half-dozen sequels. Watching Children of the Corn today on Anchor Bay Entertainment’s new Blu-Ray edition, I’m at a loss to understand its appeal.

Three years before the story begins, the children of Gatlin, Nebraska, led by a creepy child evangelist named Isaac (John Franklin), slaughtered all of the adults in town, save one. Isaac claims to speak for He Who Walks Behind the Rows, a supernatural entity that Isaac claims is God. Three years later, a young couple (Linda Hamilton, just pre-Terminator, and Peter Horton, pre-Thirtysomething) arrive in Gatlin – now a virtual ghost town strewn with cornhusks – and are marked for blood sacrifice by the children.

I had never seen the movie before, nor any of its six sequels. I wasn’t impressed. I found the film neither scary nor particularly interesting, and I couldn’t suspend my disbelief enough to buy the idea that no one – no tax collector, food delivery person, utility repairman, school official, out-of-town relative or State Trooper – had visited Gatlin in three years and noticed that something was up.

As a horror movie, Children of the Corn is curiously lacking in suspense and all the violence is handled tastefully – too tastefully, in fact – off-camera. Lots of knives and bladed farm implements are brandished, and a bit of blood is splattered, but no actual acts of violence are shown.

Obviously, the movie didn’t work for me. Equally obvious, however, is the fact that it made a lot of money, inspired all those sequels and clearly has a sizeable fanbase. And that fanbase should be very pleased with Anchor Bay’s new Blu-Ray release.

The disc features a gorgeous, utterly flawless, 1.85:1 widescreen transfer in 1080p HD. Audio is 5.1 True HD. There’s an informative audio commentary with director Kiersch, producer Terrence Kirby, and cast members John Franklin and Courtney Gains. There’s a "pop-up" trivia feature, and a bunch of brand-new featurettes. These include interviews with production designer Craig Stearns and composer Jonathan Elias on the sights and sounds of the film, a very enjoyable on-screen interview with star Linda Hamilton, who remembers the film and experience with fondness, and an interview with producer Donald Borchers. There’s a behind-the-scenes documentary, a still gallery, storyboards, and the original theatrical trailer.

If you’re already a fan of Children of the Corn and/or the franchise, you will absolutely want to upgrade from any previous editions of the film to the Blu-Ray version (if you’re so equipped), because I cannot imagine the film looking and sounding any better than it does here. If you’re a horror buff who has somehow missed the movie over the years (as I was), then a rental to check it out might be worth your while. Just because I didn’t like it doesn’t mean you won’t.


OUTLANDER
2008, Genius Products
Probably the most entertaining fantasy/sci-fi genre film I’ve seen in five years, Outlander, was inexplicably handled badly by its distributors (The Weinstien Company), bypassing theaters almost entirely, and being dumped on home video without fanfare. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why. It's a smart, fun, and fairly original action adventure with spaceships, swordplay and alien monsters. Seriously, who couldn't love that?

In 709 A.D., an alien spaceship crashes into a Norwegian lake, with two survivors – a humanoid space marine named Kainan (Jim Caviezel, The Passion of the Christ) and a bestial predator known as the Moorwen. The monster immediately sets out to prey on the local Vikings, while Kainan is first captured, then accepted by a tribe led by a warrior king named Rothgar (John Hurt). He falls in love with Rothgar’s daughter (Sophia Myles, Underworld 1 & 2), and leads the Vikings in battle against the creature.

Beautifully shot and energetically paced by director Howard McCain, Outlander is a surprisingly satisfying genre gem. Even Caviezel’s bland performance can’t diminish the entertainment and excitement generated by the quality production values, solid cast (which includes cult fave Ron Perlman) and effective special effects. The Canadian location work – augmented by digital matte paintings – is stunning, and the action scenes are handled with aplomb.

Genius Products’ DVD presents the film in a 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer that looks perfect. Audio is a robust Dolby 5.1. Extra features include a commentary track by writer/director McCain, and producers Dirk Blackman, Chris Roberts and John Schimmel. There are a handful of deleted scenes, production design galleries, effects tests, animatics, and the theatrical trailer.

Highly recommended.


G.I. JOE SEASON 1.1
1983, Shout! Factory
To tie-in with Stephen Sommers’ big budget summer blockbuster live-action re-imagining, Shout! Factory has brought the first 22 episodes of the 1983 G.I. JOE animated series to DVD in a 4-disc boxed set.

For the uninformed, G.I. JOE is the codename for a top secret American fighting force dedicated to battling the terrorist organization COBRA, a group dedicated to nothing less than world domination. Both organizations are made up of eccentric, colorfully codenamed soldiers, who use highly advanced – and highly improbable – technology in carrying out their ongoing battle.

For a kid's show that existed solely to sell Mattel action figures, G.I. JOE actually employed some fairly sophisticated storytelling, with multi-episode story arcs that would run for five or six installments and then move on to the next. Despite goofy codenames and costumes seemingly inspired by The Village People, the "Joes" were all given some rudimentary character development and personalities. The villains were more well rounded, as well, with understandable motivations. It wasn’t Shakespeare, but it was surprisingly smart for a syndicated, weekday afternoon cartoon.

Even the animation – though inconsistent – was better executed than most of its 80's contemporaries, even other shows from the same studio. Obviously, G.I. JOE was something special.

Shout!’s DVD set includes the first 22 episodes of the first season, in clean, bright full-frame transfers. Features include a three-part, on-screen interview with series writer Ron Friedman, a bunch of "Knowing is Half the Battle" PSAs, a handful of vintage G.I. JOE toy commercials from the 80s, and the 1963 Toy fair presentation for the original G.I. Joe action figure.

For fans of the show who grew up watching it every afternoon in the 80s (and there are millions), picking up this DVD set is pretty much a no-brainer. The episodes look and sound better than they probably did in ’83, and if you liked it then, you’ll probably still get a kick out of it now.


TRANSMORPHERS: FALL OF MAN
2009, The Asylum
A prequel to 2007’s highly profitable direct-to-video knock-off Transmorphers, Transmorphers: Fall of Man has alien robots invading Earth, while a small band of resistance fighters take refuge underground. Top-billed Bruce Boxleitner (Babylon 5) survives for about half the movie, and when his character expires, so does any entertainment value this production might have had. The CGI robots are adequately rendered, but not particularly menacing.

As I’ve said before, when The Asylum turns their talents – limited, as they may seem – toward their more original productions, they’re capable of some interesting work. But these quick, cheap, throwaway "mockbusters" are obviously going to continue to be their bread and butter, targeting unwary renters who might confuse the studio’s imitations for the real things. It may be a sound business plan, but it seems a sad waste of talent.

Anyway, The Asylum presents Transmorphers: Fall of Man in a 1.66:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer with5.1 Surround sound. There’s a "Making Of" featurette, some deleted scenes, a blooper reel and trailers for other current Asylum films.

Not recommended.

COMING SOON: The Green Hornet serials from VCI, and more genre DVD and Blu-Ray reviews. Continue reading...

A Discordian Crisis of Infinite Nostalgia

“I have sometimes indulged in the fantasy that I am at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter questions me about what good I have done on earth. I reply proudly that I have read and analyzed thousands of comic books - a horrible task and really a labor of love. “That counts for nothing,” says St. Peter. “Millions of children read these comics books.” “Well,” I reply, “I have also read all the articles and speeches and press releases by experts for the defense [of comic books].” “Okay,” says St. Peter. “Come in! You deserve it..”

– Fredric Wertham.

I'm not sure that anyone (except perhaps a Cubs fan) knows the pain of the average comic book reader.

Long suffering are the legions of fans that the medium of sequential art has attracted (and tortured) for the past hundred or so years. Comic fans have endured continuity gaffs, complete changes of creative staffs, and unintentional belly laughs at the expense of characters that deserve to be taken seriously.

Such is the cost of longevity. And that would seem to be the problem:
Comic books were never intended to last this long.


While visions of dollar bills likely danced in the heads of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, they never thought that Superman would still be read 75 years later. I doubt they realized that they had created a character that built an entertainment empire, and probably never thought of anything more complicated than whether or not Clark Kent would get to marry Lois Lane some day. They certainly never envisioned an Earth 2 or 3 or the gazillion other realities that required a fiftieth anniversary clean-up via Crisis on Infinite Earths.

That was almost 25 years ago, and the great "Do Over" has been necessitated about seven times since, most recently with Grant Morrison's Final Crisis. Where it took fifty years to mess things up the first time, it took no time at all to start messing things up anew. This is a pattern that will repeat ad infinitum as long as heroes have crossovers, and new writers are allowed to take over pre-existing characters. It's par for the course. To be honest, I've never really minded the inherent continuity incongruities because I never read all the books that DC published, and I especially steered clear of the books that seemed mired in more than one reality. I didn't follow the exploits of the characters so much as I followed the writers and artists. So, from title to title, if a book started to suffer after the exit of a creative force, I wasn't far behind them.

I got spoiled in my adolesence. Denny O'Neil handled Batman and Detective Comics for a fairly long stretch on each title. Over at Marvel, Chris Clairmont was the writer of The Uncanny X-Men for virtually the entire time I read them. Alan Moore did 40+ issues of Swamp Thing, and then relegated himself to frequent maxi-series. Frank Miller did the same for Daredevil and then, too, became the Lord of the Mini-Series. For me, the titles with serious baggage never accompanied me home from the newsstand. Legion of Superheroes, for example, was absolutely befuddling to me.

But, when Marv Wolfman, who I feel is the most underrated, journeyman comic book writer in the history of the medium, announced that he would be reuniting with Teen Titans artist George Perez to make sense of the messy DC Universe, I signed on, baby! Since every character in the multiverse was involved, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride, but I had George Perez to steer me through it. By series end, I was relatively unmoved by the deaths of Flash and Wonder Woman (as I knew nobody that read either title), but it was a big deal. These were the first deaths of major superheroes in comics.

Since I subscribed to Amazing Heroes, and read (but almost never purchased) the Comics Journal, I was privvy to the kinds of insider info that movie moguls took for granted in the pages of Variety. I was well aware that Marv was the bagman for John Byrne's revamp of Superman, and Frank Miller's retelling of Batman. The greatest thing to come out of the reconfiguration of the post-Crisis universe was that they let Alan Moore run rampant on the final issues of Superman and Action comics. Good times.

If Crisis on Infinite Earths had been a bit convoluted and melodramatic, History of the DC Universe was downright perplexing. The art was beautiful, though. But the aftermath? Well, inside a year John Byrne allowed the new Superman to pretty much become the old Superman, and whatever new life Frank Miller had breathed into the caped crusader was immediately squeezed out by Max Allan Collins' absurd rejiggle of the Jason Todd as Robin origin. Mike Grell's Green Arrow was no Dark Knight, and the Charlton characters seemed to have only been inserted into the DC universe to capitalize on the success of Watchmen, which every fan new they had inspired. Unfortunately, Alan Moore wasn't writing Blue Beetle, The Question, Peacemaker or Captain Atom. The only comics really worth reading at the New DC were the funny-bone stimulating Justice League and a trio of new takes on what were essentially throw-away characters, written by gentlemen named Gaiman, Milligan and Morrison. Their fresh (some might say psychotic) spins on old yarns single-handedly saved the comic industry in an age of bankrupt ideas and soon-to-be-on-the-verge-of-bankrupt companies.

While I don't hold much of what Neil Gaiman has done in the past fifteen years in particularly high esteem, I will always love him for the first fifty issues of Sandman. I think that Shade The Changing Man was criminally overlooked, as have been most of Peter Milligan's comics, and Grant Morrisson is, well, Grant Morrisson! He's my favorite Glaswegian Discordian Pope, and just an exciting force of nature in the medium that probably helped teach most people reading this column to actually do so. What I love about Grant is that he can write strange better than anybody, but he can also write commercial better than most. I took a long sabbatical from comic books during the time that Grant took over JLA and XMEN, and I've got some catching up to do, but Animal Man, Doom Patrol and Invisibles are three of the finest examples of post-modern hero fiction you could ever hope to read, and The Filth is the best mystical-spiritual novel that happens to feature word balloons. WE3 is wondrous, Seaguy is wonderfully nostalgic, and the guy even made me love Superman.

When Grant was recently in residence at Meltdown Comics in Hollywood, I had the opportunity to sit and listen to an incredible conversation between he and Clive Barker, as well as to speak with them both for the first time in a long, long time. Final Crisis was the primary subject of the on-stage interview, and while I had pretty much sworn off the massive, multi-title crossover, I bought the newly published harcover edition, had Grant sign it for my girlfriend, and I went home and read it.

The primary problem with line-wide crossovers is that most of them are crap. Marvel had done it before the first DC Crisis, with Contest of Champions and Secret Wars. Make no mistake, they are awful, but they were Finnegan's Wake compared to Secret Wars II, which was a poorly done rehash of the Michael stories from the George Perez run on Avengers.

The secondary problem is one we've already discussed: continuity is incredibly difficult to sustain in projects of such mammoth undertaking. Even Grant admitted that the project took on a life of its own. He had done meticulous research into the history and powers of many an obscure, discarded superhero before tackling this ridiculously Herculean task, but stories don't write themselves. He had spent nearly a year plotting the story, and it changed as the pages came back from the artists. Grant mentioned a Wonder Woman angle he pitched to DC that didn't make it into Final Crisis, but also wasn't completely vetoed; it may or may not surface as its own series following his run on Batman. He spoke of the dark side of Mary Marvel and the impossibility of properly capturing cosmic concepts on the comic book page. He reflected mainly of his failures in telling a coherent story.

I read the graphic novel this weekend and I didn't see any failures.

I saw triumph.

I am unfamiliar with the majority of featured characters -some of whom I've not seen since I read Crisis on Infinite Earths almost a quarter century ago, and many more that I have never seen and about whom I know absolutely nothing. There were quantum concepts and inter-dimensional constructs that were far beyond my comprehension. There were battles of epic, if not infinite proportion. There were Vampire Gods!

I loved it.

I didn't need to know much to understand what was at stake, and I bought in wholeheartedly.
Any English teacher or creative writing instructor will tell you that there are only five ultimate conflicts, so the telling of the story is merely window dressing for one of five basic plots. With Grant Morrison you've got one of the great storytellers, and it's his love of the epic combined with his eye for the sublime that makes his work so compelling. If you don't know the outcome of this tale I suggest you stop reading now.

Because it's not like DC would let just anyone kill Batman...

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Behold....DESTINO! The Lost Film By Walt Disney and Salvador Dalí

Boing Boing reported that the collaboration of Disney and Dalí, Destino will make it's DVD debut next year.

A Disney press release from 2008 chronicles the history of the project.

Destino began in 1946 as a collaboration between Walt Disney and the famed surrealist painter Salvador Dali. A first-hand example of Disney's interest in avant garde and experimental work in animation, Destino was to be awash with Dali's iconic melting clocks, marching ants and floating eyeballs. However, Destino was not completed at that time. In 2003 it was rediscovered by Walt’s nephew, Roy E. Disney, who took on the challenge of bringing the creation of these two great artists to fruition. In addition to the completed Destino, this exciting addition to the Walt Disney Treasures line also includes an all-new feature-length documentary that examines the surprising partnership between Dali and Disney plus two new featurettes; "The Disney That Almost Was," an examination of the studio's unfinished projects; and "Encounters with Walt," which addresses the surprisingly diverse group of celebrities and artists who were attracted to Walt Disney's early work.

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IN DEFENSE OFCaptain Eo

Four years after the release of Michael Jackson's massive album Thriller, Walt Disney World and Disneyland simultaneously premiered the highly anticipated follow-up in the form of a 3-D extravaganza that became the reason to rush to the parks that year.

Now, the unofficially released short film exists only on countless video streaming sites and VH-1 reruns, hardly doing justice to what was a breakthrough spectacle at the time.




Directed (no joke) by Francis Ford Coppola and Executive Produced by George Lucas, Captain Eo was, at the time, the most expensive film ever produced on a per-minute basis (averaging $1.76 million for each of those minutes). What the film lacks in plot, it makes up for with truly groundbreaking 3-D imagery. Those of you who saw it at any of the Disney parks will recall that this wasn't the red-blue 3-D crap, nor was it even the Digital 3-D burning out our eyes in theaters today. This was full-on 70mm crystal clarity, expanding beyond the screen with a few 4-D smoke and lighting effects right out of the early days of William Castle.

And then there was the sound. Both songs in the movie, the unreleased "We Are Here To Change the World" and the then unheard "Just Another Part of Me" were both produced by Quincy Jones, which means this is when Michael's music had some serious funk going on. If you didn't feel the bass from the sound effects, you certainly felt them from the songs. With the multi-track stereo, it even sounded like the music was being performed live behind the screen.

Watching Eo without the sound system, nor the 3-D reduces the movie to a dated, almost laughable attempt to cash in on Michael Jackson's fame at the time, which is a shame because the in-theater experience was a blast. Give it a view at the end of this post. It just ain't the same.

By the way, Anjelica Huston made for a VERY scary villain in this movie as "the Supreme Leader." You could always count on the screams and cries of kids at every show. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wish Disney would put it back in the parks.




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