On Again, Off Again (and at this point, On)

SPOILER ALERT: I have written this with the assumption that most readers of FOG have watched all 4 seasons of “Lost.” Please do not read if you are not at this viewing reference point.

I remember September 22, 2004. I didn’t have a TiVo yet and TV shows weren’t downloadable on iTunes. This show called “Lost” appeared on my radar because 1) J.J. Abrams of “Alias” fame had co-created it, and 2) Dominic Monaghan (aka one of the Hobbits) was a series regular on it. I had no clue what I was in for. Over the past 4-1/2 years, I have experienced feelings of elation, betrayal, hope, anxiety, and boredom, all due to a TV show. I must point out that I have never been on fan-boards or tried to crack a code on a website that bears the Dharma Initative logo. My feelings about “Lost” are from a purely visceral standpoint. It’s a boyfriend with whom I cannot break up, and I am still determining whether it is a good (don’t push away what may actually be good for you) or bad (just plain co-dependent) thing.

Season One
No matter the ups and downs of this relationship, I still profess to this day that the first season is perfection. It’s the period when your suitor can do no wrong, when the things that may irritate you a year down the road are endearing, and any differences of opinion are just ways to make the relationship more congruent. From the first moments of the pilot, I had moments of wonderful discovery. Is that handsome doctor really Matthew Fox from “Party of Five,” without his ‘90s grunge scruff? Where has this cute and talented Evangeline Lilly girl been hiding, and why has she only played a corpse previously? Is it a T-rex or a polar bear on the island? No matter, I’m on board. That 2-hour pilot was the perfect first date, and I wanted more. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait for him to call; I knew that we would be seeing each other every Wednesday. The first season is the only one I own on DVD, and it’s a memento of the wonderful honeymoon phase we had.

Season Two
“Lost” and I settled into the “we’re too comfortable” phase. That phase where it’s fine for him to see you in no make-up and unsexy pajamas. We may have arrived at that point too quickly, but that’s what happens when you get an Emmy for Best Drama Series your first year out. Intellectually, I realize that Abrams left the show to direct Mission: Impossible III and a void was left. Emotionally, I felt betrayed. Why did it take until the end of the second episode to actually see inside the hatch? Did I care who these “tailies” are? Let’s not even get into how long Sawyer, Jin and Michael were stuck on the raft. I am not a fickle TV viewer, but my boyfriend was floundering in a sea of familiarity, routine and, dare I say, laziness. The saving graces were the introduction of Desmond and the reunion of Bernard and Rose. They were enough to keep me interested, though skeptical, of where this was going. And I stuck with it, perhaps because it was the status quo and I wasn’t ready to change things.

Season Three
With the first 6 episodes, nothing happened. AGAIN. How long would I continue to believe that “Lost” and I were just in a slump, and things would get better? To top it all off, ABC was not airing new episodes consecutively. I tried to remain loyal while braving through 1 original episode every 2-3 weeks. This seemed to be a perfect opportunity. I steeled myself and, since I now had a TiVo, deleted “Lost” from my Season Pass Manager. Everything was fine while they were off the air for 3 months. I moved on with my life and didn’t really miss it.

Then the other shoe dropped, which is exactly what I feared. It was like running into friends at a bar who had just seen your ex: “’Lost’ is looking really good lately. Maybe you guys should have tried to work through things.” I tried to ignore what my friends were saying. I even managed to hold onto my guns until the third season ended. Then I had dinner with two male friends of mine whose opinions I really trust. “Really, the second half of season 3 was amazing. You’ve got to watch it.” Apparently my boyfriend had really been seeking to improve himself, and many had taken note. Season 3 had been released on DVD just in time for Christmas 2007. I tried not to get too excited as I went to Hollywood Video, rented the rest of season 3 and watched 16 episodes in 2 days. I was hooked again, even with the misstep of Nikki and Paulo. I also refused to believe that Charlie was dead, a tell-tale sign that I was once again emotionally invested.

Season Four
The WGA writers’ strike resulted in an abbreviated season of 13 episodes. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise, or maybe my boyfriend had matured and learned self-discipline. It’s impossible to ever know. But when season 4 began airing in January 2008, it was just as addictive as the latter half of season 3. “Lost” and I began seeing each other in earnest again. After all, it was OK to try it out again, right? Had enough time passed that we would now be able to appreciate each other for our strengths, while accepting our faults? Admittedly, there are still issues where I need to have trust. I don’t agree that Aaron should be considered one of the Oceanic 6. I loved the season finale, but I remember questioning how Lapidus was able to get back to island (i.e., stick to the 305-degree coordinate) if the boat had already moved. I also want to believe that Jin somehow made it back to the island. But for now, I’m picking and choosing my battles.

With the premiere of season 5 this Wednesday, I remain cautiously optimistic. I won’t be watching it in real time, as I have a stronger relationship with TiVo. I find that I appreciate “Lost” more when I stockpile the episodes and then do a marathon because of the serialized format. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Or maybe I just want to hoard more quality time. Because when a relationship is working, there’s nothing like it.