Bridge and Tunnel is the New Black

“The Real Housewives of New Jersey” are Anything but Forgeddable.

I was not an immediate fan of Bravo’s “Real Housewives” concept.

This likely had more to do with where the first series was set (the gated communities of Orange County, California? Sorry, but yawn…), and less to do with the premise of getting a peek into an affluent community and the not-so-secret lives of its residents.


Now THAT was a concept I could justify dedicating space on my DVR to, particularly as someone who spent the majority of her formative years growing up in the old automotive money Detroit suburb of Grosse Pointe.

While I’d seen my fair share of opulent houses with elevators and staff, lush country club golf courses, and yachts bigger than most Manhattan apartments, once I finally got on the “Real Housewives” bandwagon (courtesy of New York, season one), Grosse Pointe seemed like a country bumpkin in comparison.



Most of the New York cast boasted Upper East Side zip codes, one or more secondary houses in the Hamptons, and the kind of Bryant Park Fashion Week prime front row seating that some would kill for, not to mention hosting charity events that cost as much to put on as they ended up raising. Many of these women were also fully involved in creating their wealth and not just along for the ride, and made no apologies for being well off. Quite frankly, there were plenty of other reasons to loathe or like them that had nothing to do with their bank balance (for example, I could do without Ramona’s obnoxious dancing and Alex’s creepy marriage, but would love to have Bethenny sit at my lunch table any day of the week).

The original "RHONY" crew looking fierce in the Meat Packing district
(I choose to ignore the season two edition of icky Kelly and hope Bravo takes note)

My addiction continued and flourished with the introduction of Atlanta into the mix, which put a different spin and feel to the “Real Housewives” formula: less penthouses and Page Six, more McMansions and athletes’ wives with an endless stable of foundations. Atlanta also kicked it up a notch in terms of introducing distinct and memorable personalities, particularly with the delightfully sassy NeNe and completely delusional Kim who wanted the world to believe she could sing (can't) and was only 30 (um, no way).

If she's 30, I'm 12. Wait. I act 12...does that count?

Now Bravo has upped the ante again with the brilliant decision to launch a “Joisey” version, which also marks the first time the featured ladies have actual familial ties – Caroline is the older sister of Dina, and both are married to two guys who just happen to be brothers as well. Recent Las Vegas transplant Jacqueline is also part of the family, courtesy of her marriage to one of Caroline and Dina’s brothers. The only two not related in some way are Teresa, who’s primed to become the ultimate stage mom to her three little girls, and crazy cougar Danielle, who was shown in episode one being stood by a man she only knew as “Gucci Model” (his screen name – red alert #1) who she’d never met in person before but had been having phone sex with for TWO YEARS (red alert #2) that she originally met on a website name checked as Wealthymen.com (red alert #3 – yeah, THAT seems legit!).

Joisey Girls

In Jersey, more is more, and I can say this because I live in the Garden State, right on the banks of the river directly across from Manhattan (and yes, I had front row seat to the Miracle on the Hudson!). This philosophy certainly rings true for the newest batch of “Real Housewives,” as evident by their bigger hair, longer nails, stronger makeup, and furniture choices that, while certainly expensive, are a very, very short stop from Gaudyville – all of which makes me crush on them even more. Also, considering the not-so-subtle suggestions that some of these ladies may or may not have “Sorpranos”-style ties, along with their Franklin Lakes suburban headquarters lying less than 30 miles to the west of me (thanks, Google Maps!), I think it would best to stay on their good side.

Bravo wants me to watch what happens?

I wouldn’t dream of any other option.