Wow. That was a long two weeks.Seriously, I don’t want to start beginning every column with an apology, but I sorta have to this week. These past couple of months, I have found myself buried under a ton of writing and freelance editing assignments. Which, actually, is a good thing, but it seriously cut into my movie viewing and re-viewing time. DVDs and Blu-Ray discs piled up, Stefan began to wonder if I was dead, and every time I thought I was going to be able to devote a day or two to writing a new column… well, dammit, something came up. But today, come hell or high water, I’m going to start hacking my way through the TBR (To Be Reviewed) pile and cover as many titles as I can. Let’s see how far I get, shall we?
DRAGONQUEST2009, The Asylum
The latest fantasy epic from director Mark Atkins (Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls) and The Asylum, is unfortunately not as entertaining as the director’s previous Merlin & The War of the Dragons, with an utterly predictable and sophomoric script, and a decidedly unexciting climax.
The story is one we’ve seen a thousand times – an evil wizard is threatening the countryside, a young apprentice is "the chosen one" to defeat him, but must go on a series of quests to acquire certain magical items – in this case, gems of virtue – before he can defeat the bad guy. As usual, he is provided with guides and protectors. Unfortunately, the script never adds anything new or interesting to this time-worn plot. Even the "quests" are boring – our hero just sets out in an apparently random direction, and each gem (with its accompanying lame "challenge") appear directly in his path, one after another, in order. This leads to one of those really boring sorcerer duels where two wizards stand about twenty feet apart and point their fingers at each other while animated lightning bolts leap back and forth between them.
Here’s a thought, guys: next time, why not have the wizards lob animated fireballs at each other like softballs, so that they have to dodge ‘em and avoid explosions going off around them. Put some movement and action in there. It’ll make your climax at least a little bit interesting.
The cast is generally wooden and uninteresting except for its top-billed and presumably better paid stars. Veteran heavy Brian Thompson (Cobra) is effective enough as the evil wizard, considering that his role is horribly underwritten. Of course, he can play these sort of parts in his sleep, and just may be doing that here. Jason Connery’s (Shanghai Noon) part is little more than an extended cameo, but he plays it okay. Marc Singer (The Beastmaster, V) hams it up outrageously in his role as a washed-up old warrior, but at least that makes him fun to watch and injects a bit of energy into the otherwise listless proceedings. As our young hero, Daniel Bonjour is boring as hell, though leading lady Jennifer Dorogi looks quite hot and handles her swordplay with some flair.
Production-wise, well, the CGI dragon effects are fairly decent, but sparsely used. The setting is supposed to be another world, but there’s nothing particularly otherworldly about the way it’s shot. How much would it have cost to have digitally tossed in an extra moon in the sky, or for that matter, tint the sky a slightly different color? Make an effort, for goodness’ sake. This is a fantasy! The look of the film is pretty boring, too. The California locations are okay, but they’re not nearly as appealing as the Welsh vistas used in Merlin.
On the plus side, composer Chris Ridenhour once again provides a superior score that almost seems too good for the film it accompanies.
Anyway, The Asylum DVD presents the feature in a sharp, anamorphic widescreen transfer and 5.1 surround sound. The traditional extra features are there: a half-hearted "behind the scenes" documentary, blooper reel and selection of deleted scenes. And, of course, a selection of trailers for other current Asylum releases.
After enjoying Merlin And the War of the Dragons, I had high hopes for Dragonquest, but maybe that was the problem. Considering the budgets and speed with which The Asylum cranks these flicks out, it probably doesn’t pay to set your expectations too high. Fantasy fans might enjoy giving this disc a spin, but on the other hand, it might just be better to wait for it to hit the SciFi Channel.
MEGA SHARK VERSUS GIANT OCTOPUS2009, The Asylum
In true exploitation film style, The Asylum has discovered the value of an outrageous title. Like the infamous Snakes on A Plane, Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus has gotten lots of incredulous internet interest and tons of word-of-mouth since its announcement simply due to the ridiculous title. But ultimately, the question is, does the movie deliver on the outrageous promise of its moniker?
Well, sort of.
The adventure begins when two marine biologists in a "borrowed" minisub happen to be on the spot when a pod of whales crash into an iceberg (!) releasing two frozen prehistoric monsters from its frozen depths – a Godzilla-sized "mega shark" and an equally gargantuan "giant octopus." See how that works? The two monster immediately split up, and set out on separate reigns of terror. The octopus heads for Japan where it attacks ships and off-shore oil platforms. The shark sticks to the American side of the Pacific and chomps down on ships and low-flying (!) 747s. Scientists and military men argue, scientist mix lots of colored liquids together in beakers, and ultimately, because they can’t think of anything else, it’s decided to lure the monsters back to each other and let them fight to the death.
Because that always works.
The plot plays out very much like an old 50’s sci-fi flick, minus the traditional "radiation" explanation for the monsters. The production values are on about the same par, too, with one single set passing as the control rooms of every ship and submarine in the movie. The cast is uniformly awful – ponytailed Lorenzo Lamas plays the most unbelievable military officer ever, and doesn’t even wear a uniform. Deborah Gibson is attractive enough, I guess, but as an actress, she makes a good over-the-hill teen pop star. Let’s not even discuss the so-called supporting players. Ace Hannah’s direction… nah. I can’t go on.
But then, you’re not interested in movie called Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus for the thesping, are you? You want to know how the titular titans acquit themselves, right? Well, prepare yourself for a disappointment. The CGI is particularly shoddy here. Effects shots are brief to the point of ridiculousness. When the Mega Shark leaps from the sea to snag the aforementioned airliner, it’s over so quickly that you wonder why they bothered. There’s no follow-up, either – no shot of the shark dragging the crushed plane down beneath the waves with bodies and debris trailing behind, nothing. The creatures are rarely given any sense of scale, and when they ultimately fight, the fight is slow, boring and consisting of many repeated shots.
The Asylum DVD presents the feature in a sharp, anamorphic widescreen transfer and 5.1 surround sound. The bonus features are: a "behind the scenes" documentary, blooper reel and a bunch of deleted scenes. And, of course, the usual selection of trailers for other current Asylum releases, which, on my disc, had no sound.
So, does MSVSGO actually deliver on it’s "promise?" Well, the monsters are there, and they do fight. And, while it’s a pretty crappy movie, there is some entertainment value in its crappiness. Deborah Gibson is likeable and sorta hot, and Lamas is hilariously bad. With the alcoholic beverage of your choice close at hand, you might get your money’s worth out of a rental. But make sure you have a lot of that beverage handy.
WHILE SHE WAS OUT2008, Anchor Bay
Kim Basinger stars in this subpar thriller from director Susan Montford and a whole slew of producers, including Guillermo del Toro. Basinger plays Della, a suburban housewife who witnesses the murder of a security guard while doing some late Christmas Eve shopping. Fleeing the scene, she is pursued by the killer (Lukas Haas, Brick, Mars Attacks!) and his multiethnic cronies. They chase her into an unfinished housing development in some nearby woods, where they attempt to hunt her down. But Della’s not your typical victim, and, armed with the contents of a red toolbox, she fights back.
Montford’s direction is relatively suspenseful, leading to a fairly effective climax, and overall, the performances are okay. Unfortunately the script requires the characters to act in illogical and downright idiotic ways, which severely undercuts the viewer’s enjoyment of the film. The premise had potential but the execution drowns in cliché and inanity. Still, you might find some (unintentional) laughs in it.
Anchor Bay’s DVD presents While She Was out in a flawless 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, with a strong Dolby 5.1 Surround mix. There’s an audio commentary by director Montford and producer Don Murphy, a "Making of" featurette, the theatrical trailer and some TV spots.
I can’t recommend this to anyone but diehard Basinger fans. There are a lot of better thrillers out there – and even more enjoyable bad ones – than this to spend your rental buck on.
• BLU-RAY REVIEWS •
TWO EVIL EYES (Blu-Ray)1990, Blue Underground
In 1990, George Romero, who'd had some success with the anthology format with 1982's Creepshow, teamed up with Italian horror maestro Dario Argento (Suspiria) for the Edgar Allan Poe-inspired anthology, Two Evil Eyes.
Originally, the plan was to include additional sequences two other directors, but by the time the project came together, it was just Romero and Argento. The first story, directed by Romero, is a contemporary re-telling of "The Case of M. Valdemar." Adrienne Barbeau (Swamp Thing, Escape from New York) plays the greedy trophy wife of a dying millionaire. She and her lover, a young doctor, are using hypnosis to insure that her curmudgeon of a husband doesn't cut her out of inheriting his fortune. The difficulty comes in keeping him alive until the paperwork goes through. Though a little slow, I think this sequence has been unfairly maligned by most horror fans expecting something along the lines of Romero's "Living Dead" films. It's actually a fairly successful little traditional terror tale that benefits from some good performances and Tom Savini's effective make-up effects.
The second tale, Argento's version of "The Black Cat," stars Harvey Keitel (The Bad Lieutenant) as a disturbed photographer who specializes in crime scene photos. When his girlfriend brings home a stray kitty, he begins to find his grip on his sanity slipping away with frightening speed. Argento packs his hour with plenty of references to different Poe stories and abundant Savini gore effects, but, ultimately, it's more style than substance. Like most of Argento's work, it's beautifully shot and full of strong imagery, and Keitel is, as usual, compelling to watch, but, overall, the story's pretty anemic.
Blue Underground's new Blu-Ray re-issue features a pristine 1.85:1 1080p High def widescreen transfer of the movie, accompanied by a 5.1 Dolby Surround track, a 6.1 DTS track and a Dolby stereo track. The disc also includes a poster and still gallery, the film's theatrical trailer, a retrospective featurette that includes on-camera vintage interviews with Romero, Argento, Savini and a teenage Asia Argento. There's a behind-the-scenes featurette focusing on Savini's effects work and a vintage video tour of Savini's memorabilia-cluttered home. Finally, there's a brief video interview with actress Adrienne Barbeau as she discusses her work on the film and relationship with Romero.
While it's neither director's best work, fans of the filmmakers in question will want to add this high quality Blu-Ray presentation to their collection.
FAST COMPANY (Blu-Ray)1979, Blue Underground
While I enjoy car chase films, I’m not much of a fan of professional car race films. I find cars driving in a circle to be boring. And Fast Company, a 1979 drive-in drama directed by David Cronenberg (Scanners, History of Violence) focuses on funny car drag racing – if anything bores me more than cars going in circles, it’s cars going in a straight line for a short distance.
But here’s the thing – I really enjoyed the movie. Fast Company doesn’t really have much of a plot. It is more a character study of an idealistic, aging race driver (the great William Smith, Red Dawn, the Losers), his young protégé (Nicholas Campbell, The Shape of Things To Come) and their corrupt, sleazy promoter (the legendary John Saxon, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Enter The Dragon). Because the cast is so good and their characters so well-drawn, I found myself caught up in their little soap opera, and didn’t even resent the almost fetishistic lingering over car engines and race track operations.
The cast also includes the lovely B-movie starlet Claudia Jennings (Gator Bait, Deathsport) in her last role before her premature death.
Cronenberg’s direction here is pretty workmanlike, not really exhibiting any of his usual stylistic flair, but then, the material doesn’t really lend itself to such. It is beautifully shot, though, and cinematographer Mark Irwin with collaborate with Cronenberg again on several other films, including Videodrome and The Fly.
The new Blu-Ray edition from Blue Underground is very nice, with a startlingly sharp 1.85:1 1080p high-def transfer. Several audio options are provided, including 7.1 DTS-HD, 7.1 Dolby True HD and 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround.The disc is also enhanced for D-Box Control Systems.
Extra features include an audio commentary by Cronenberg, an entertaining on-screen reunion of stars Smith and Saxon, an on-camera interview with Director of Photography mark Irwin, and two early student films by the director, Stereo and Crimes of the Future. Oh yeah, the theatrical trailer is there, too.
Not really typical Cronenberg, although fans will want to check it out, if only to view his early shorts. For others, Fast Company is a solid automotive exploitation film from the Seventies and is very entertaining on its own merits.
Recommended.
NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN (Blu-Ray)1983, Fox
One of the biggest surprises of this year so far has been the unexpected release of the 1983 rogue Bond film, Never Say Never Again as a special edition DVD and Blu-Ray disc by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment.
The story behind the making of Never Say Never Again is a long and twisted one, dating back to 1950's and Ian Fleming's earliest efforts to bring James Bond to the cinema. But in 1983, entertainment lawyer/producer Jack Schwartzman managed to successfully navigate all the various legal hazards and lured Sean Connery back into Bond's tuxedo and shoulder holster.
For legal reasons, the plot is more-or-less an updated remake of Thunderball, but in my opinion, it plays quite well, despite that. I actually like the creative choice to acknowledge the character's advancing years (Connery was in his early 50's at the time), especially since the official series was steadfastly ignoring Moore's obvious middle age. NSNA actually makes Bond's age a plot point, and ultimately makes a pretty strong anti-ageism statement as he proves that he may run a bit slower and get winded a bit more quickly, but can still get the job done. The pace is generally brisk (though it does drag a bit in the middle) and the cast is mostly excellent. Klaus Maria Brandauer's Largo is delightfully psychotic and Barbara Carrera's sultry femme fatale, Fatima Blush, is one of the very best Bond bad girls.
Because NSNA was a rogue production, it's always been treated pretty shabbily on video, especially after it was acquired by MGM (holders of the rights to the official series). It's prior DVD release was a bare-bones edition with a very blah – if thankfully, widescreen – transfer. Unlike all the other Bond films, there were no special features – no commentary tracks or behind-the-scenes featurettes. Fortunately, for this new edition, all that has been somewhat rectified.
The new Special Edition features a stunning new, hi-def anamorphic widescreen transfer that appears to be flawless, accompanied by a new, robust, 5.1 DTS audio mix. There's a commentary track by director Irvin Kirschner and Bond expert Steven Jay Rubin, three behind-the-scene featurettes, the very 80's theatrical trailer and a photo gallery. Kirschner has annoying habit of just describing what's playing out on the screen, but Rubin does manage to draw some interesting information about the production out of the director. The featurettes gloss over the twisted legal history of the production somewhat, but they're informative and entertaining.
Personally, I'm thrilled that someone decided to revisit this title on disc, and grateful that they did such a fine job on the presentation. As I said, I like the film a lot – not necessarily a popular position – and really enjoyed visiting it again on Blu-Ray.
• COMING ATTRACTIONS: Well, that wasn’t a bad start, but I’ve got more backlog to get through. Look for reviews of Nightmare Castle and The She Beast (both starring 60’s horror icon Barbara Steele), The Asylum’s latest "mockbuster," The Terminators, Shannen Doherty (!) in Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon, the Blu-Ray edition of Frank Miller’s Sin City, and more in the next DVD Late Show!
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