BET AWARDS RANT – 7/1/09

The original broadcast was on Sunday, June 28th.

As a rule, I never watch BET because it’s just too damn “ghetto.”

I think it is one of the worst things in Pop Culture to represent Black folks in any way, shape, or form.

The only reason I watched it is because it was supposed to be a “tribute” to Michael Jackson. I was wishin’, hopin’, and prayin’ that they would do him some justice, but as usual, it was embarrassing.

I didn’t write while watching it like I usually do when I review shows because I wanted to really focus on what I was watching. Three hours and forty five minutes later I wanted to turn in my “Black Card.”


I watched the repeat last night for as long as I could and wrote the following;

*The show opener was the reunited New Edition doing their tribute to Michael and the Jackson Five by singing “ABC” and "Stop" (the love you save) in 70’s garb while clips of J5 played in the background. They were not very good, and Bobby Brown was gross.

After that, Jamie Foxx came out and goofed on the “Beat It” video fight scene dressed as MJ (red jacket, etc.) with a few girls dancing around him. It was kinda funny. I’m pretty sure he tipsy or drunk before he came out because he kidded with Diddy about drinking his vodka brand (Ciroc) back stage.


While Jamie continued his monologue there was a window at the bottom of the screen with people’s “tweets” about what they were watching. They were badly misspelled and loaded with slang. Jamie wore very tight, shortened black pants and bragged about his cameltoe and how it “constricted” the “boa” in his pants while he shoved his crotch toward the camera.

Did I mention that he cracked jokes about how BLACK Michael was, and that he loved him no matter what nose he had? Right in front of his father…nice! Not that it mattered because Joe and the rest of the family all got the same nose job years ago. And I don’t think that Joe knew where he was or what was going on until he announced his record label later on.

Tyra Banks came out with a crazy looking school marm blouse and a vest. Her weave looked ragged. On second thought, it was a really bad wig. She gave out the award for the best male athelete – Le Bron James. He thanked MJ and his family for what they did for the world and basketball. I don’t know what that means. Then she gave out the award for, “BEST MALE – HIP HOP” and I don’t know exactly what that means. But ‘Lil Wayne won. I barfed.

COMMERCIAL! Wow, it’s Will.I.Am and his Pepsi commercial. I can’t quite put my finger on why I don’t like that guy, but I just don’t. Oh, now I know – he’s a modern day Uncle Tom!
COMMERCIAL! A BET promo for their new reality show called “Tiny and Toya.” Tiny (Tameka Cottle) is from the group Xscape, and currently married to T.I., and Toya is the ex-wife of ‘Lil Wayne. I watched the first 5 minutes of this show and my eyes almost crossed permanently.


Next, Keri Hilson came out and sang what I think is her current hit song. I’d never heard of her before, but she’s written songs for Britney Spears, Ciara, Usher, and Ludacris. My suggestion to her is to not quit that day job.

Ne-Yo did his thing when he sang “You Will Always Be The Lady In My Life.” I’m wondering when he’s gonna come out of the closet.

COMMERCIAL! BET reality show, “Frankie and Neffe.” They are the Mother and sister of Keyshia Cole, who had her own reality show on BET. Frankie (the Mom) is a former crack head, and I’m not sure what her sister did or does. It’s going to be extra hood and horrible.
COMMERCIAL! Wendy Williams is baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Jamie performed “Blame it on the alcohol” with whom I love to call “The big buffoon of auto tune” – T Pain. Ron Howard was nowhere to be found, but Snoop Dogg was on stage for some reason. T Pain came out with a HUGE necklace on that read, “BIG ASS CHAIN.” Oh look, there’s Travis Barker on drums! Jamie Foxx is playing a Flying V guitar! I guess it was the “rock” remix. Here's a snap of T Pain that he took himself. I guess he forgot what mirrors do.



Oh no, that jackass Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em is on now and he sounds HORRIBLE, like one of the worst contestants on the beginning of American Idol. You know, the ones that they make fun of for two weeks and during the finale? He’s got a huge bed onstage that apparently doubles as a trampoline. The lyrics say something about looking in the mirror and getting money. NICE TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON!

** He was on “The View” a month ago, bragging about how he doesn’t use profanity in his songs. No mention of what the “Superman Dance” was really about to Joy or Whoopi. I don’t remember if Aunt Clara – a.k.a Barbara Walters was on that day.

Annnd, we are back. Jamie introduces three Black men who grew up in Newark, NJ and beat the odds to become doctors. That lasted 5 seconds. It was nice, but what does it have to do with Michael Jackson?

Jamie blithers on about how amazing Beyonce's rehearsal was during his intro. Cut to a stained glass window with light behind it showing Beyonce’s shadow. The window rises and there she is in a white, bejeweled bustier bodysuit (does this girl EVER wear pants?) with what looks like the white shoulder padded coat that Ozzy Osbourne wore in his “Shot In The Dark” video. Cue the wind machine so her bad weave and coat blow in the breeze.

She’s singing her version of “Ave Maria”

Then some dancers come out and bring what look like huge white translucent, feather boa trimmed wings, but wait – it’s a gigantic skirt/sculpture thing – they put a tiara and veil on her head - WTF? Then she starts singing “In The Arms Of An Angel,” which she changes to, “In The Arms Of The Angel.”

A Laser Zeppelin show starts – oh wait, just some green lasers, then some glittery snowflakes start to fall as she goes back to “Ave Maria.” – and in Italian!

That looked like a performance from a 5th grade play, minus the lasers. Why didn’t she just sing “Halo?”

Okay, I’m sorry people, but I can’t watch the entire show again. I’ve already wasted three hours and forty five minutes on this the other night. It’s been an hour and forty five and I’m extra mad now.

This show has been hotly debated/hated. I’ll give you the other highlights/lowlights that I remember;

1 – Ciara did not sing “Heal The World” very well at all. Should we be surprised?

2 – Drake, ‘Lil Wayne, and some other fools ran around stage performing some horrible song at the end of the show. But there were so many bleeps, it sounded like Morse Code. But the worst part is that the person at the dump button must have been handcuffed or something because I heard a handful of curse words - just from ‘Lil Wayne.

3 – Eddie Levert (in the longest acceptance speech in history) said “Shit” as plain as day. Again, the dump button was two seconds too late.

4 – For some reason Taraji P. Henson, Ving Rhames, and Tyrese reenacted scenes from the shitty John Singleton film, “Baby Boy.” WTF?

5 – YAY – Don Cornelius! Even though he rambled on for about 6 minutes it was good to see him. What is taking him SO LONG to get Soul Train on DVD? That is a mountain of money waiting right there.

6 – YAY – Maxwell is back and better than ever. His performance was great!

7 - YAY - Tyrese, Johnny Gill, and some other dude did the O’Jay’s justice.

8 - YAY - Jay Z! He came out and KILLED, performing his hot new song, D.O.A. - The Death Of Autotune." Take THAT T Pain, you jackass! (sidebar - when Jay Z performed this song in concert, T Pain was on stage with him. I wonder if he understands what the song is about?)

9 – Joe Jackson. For some reason he thought that this was the best place to plug his new record label. WTF?

10 – Janet came out at the end. Very sad. She was on the verge of tears.

She said, "My entire family wanted to be here tonight, but it was just too painful, so they elected me to speak for all of us. To you, Michael is an icon, but to us, Michael is family, and he will forever live in all of our hearts. On behalf of my family and myself, thank you for all of your love, and thank you for all of your support. We miss him so much. Thank you so much."

I think that’s it.

Now I totally understand that a show like this is about a year in the making (maybe less because it’s BET), and that they only had 3 days notice to change things around.

What I’m wondering is:

1 – Where was Berry Gordy (who made a TON of money off of MJ and the J5)?
2 – Where was Quincy Jones (who made a ton of money off of MJ)?
3 – Where were Susanne De Passe, Smokey Robinson, and Diana Ross?
4 – Why didn’t they do something cool like have all of the contemporary people do Michael Jackson songs? Where was Usher? I mean, if everyone REALLY loved his music and knew his songs – even halfway, they could have sung them. Shit, there was a huge teleprompter there so they could have fudged it a little.

That would have been a great way to keep everyone’s attention and do a nice tribute – for young and old people to enjoy and remember.

BET has been dropping the ball for YEARS and continues to do so. If this is the way they want to be, “The Voice Of Black America,” I don’t want any part of it.

PS – R.I.P. Vibe Magazine.

Love,
Crystal