Wherefore Art Thou Jake Ryan?

John Hughes died this month and I felt it only fitting that my column acknowledge his impact on my life.

I decided to write about the John Hughes film that is closest to my heart; Sixteen Candles and, specifically, the character of Jake Ryan.

I didn’t find this movie when it first came out, but my Aunt Margaret did and I found it on VHS at her house at the tender age of 12.

I must have watched it ten times that week alone.

I loved everything about it, but mostly I loved Jake Ryan.




He was my first, and only, crush on a fictional character. I haven't read the Twilight series, but I imagine this is how millions of teenage girls (and fifty year old women, strangely) feel about Edward Cullen. The difference is back then celebrities were not made so accessible to the media with the greater goal of converting them into merchandising machines. I wasn’t given a Jake Ryan doll for Christmas and I didn’t have a poster of him on my wall. I didn’t even know the actor's name that played him until I sat down to write this.


It turns out his name is Michael Schoeffling and he now lives in Pennsylvania and owns a woodworking and furniture store. He left show business sighting lack of roles and having a family to feed. When I read this I felt a slight pang of jealousy; all I could think was he has kids and that means someone got to marry Jake Ryan. He had captured my adolescent heart and never really let it go.

I told my boyfriend Josh that I was going to do my article on Jake Ryan and was met with surprise when he responded, “Who’s he?” "Who’s he?!? Um, only the Romeo of the 80’s and my archetype of the perfect guy, that’s who." Josh rolled his eyes and smiled, and agreed to pick up Sixteen Candles for me from Blockbuster since Netflix didn’t have it on instant streaming. I fumed in my head, why wouldn’t Netflix put this movie on streaming. Don’t they know how much we love it?

After dinner later that night, I asked him if he was ready to meet the man of my dreams and inquired into his jealousy levels going into this. He rolled his eyes again, stuffed a hand full of popcorn into his mouth and pushed play. His message was clear - bring it. The movie started and I was giddy with anticipation; I had missed him.

I hadn’t seen Jake Ryan in at least three years!

I laughed early at the character introductions (especially the grandparents), the 80’s clothing, and remember again how funny and talented Anthony Michael Hall was at such an early age. I marveled at John Hughes’ ability to write for girls and remember, as a kid, feeling like I was getting away with something for being able to watch a movie with so much cussing in it. I smile all through Jake’s scenes and remember the first time we “met.” He still looked the same. He’s just like my favorite blanket, so cozy. Somewhere during this thought, I drifted off to sleep, a soft smile on my face.


However, Josh did not; he watched the whole movie.

When we spoke about it the next day, I could not believe what he had to say. I asked him if he could see now why I loved Jake Ryan. I asked him who he thought was better for me, him or Jake. I asked him if it gave him insight into what women really want or how iconic characters are made. He just shook his head and with a puzzled look on his face said, ‘I thought he sucked... I thought he was a dumb jock, spoiled rich kid who obviously just wanted to fuck a virgin.”

I coughed up a laugh and screeched, “What?! I can’t believe it, babe.... you missed the whole point of the movie! Despite being rich and popular he wanted love. He wanted more than the dumb blond cheerleader. He didn’t want to just sleep with Sam; he said he could “violate Caroline ten different ways from Sunday if he wanted to", he wanted more babe, he wanted more.”



He casually responded, " The guy was only interested in her after he saw her note that said she wanted to sleep with him. Plus, he is not that smart. What's a senior doing in class with a sophomore?"

I felt a little defensive and decided to change direction. “What did you think about the movie as a whole? Can you see why I loved it so much? Can you see why John Hughes used Molly Ringwald in so many of his films?? Can you see anything??!” He grinned, “I didn’t think it was his best, that’s for sure. Haven’t you seen The Breakfast Club, Home Alone, Weird Science, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and c’mon- Uncle Buck??!”

At some point, he too realized he was starting to sound defensive and stopped diarrheaing out John Hughes’ masterpieces like some kind of human wiki. I made some curt remark about how he probably would feel better if I had been in love with John Candy from Uncle Buck. He didn’t even hear me and picked right back up with “I mean, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?? C’mon!”



I began to wonder if the subconscious search for this character had messed me up in my dating life.

Will all the Twilight groupies wake up one day too and realize Edward was just a horny vampire?

And then what?

The long head turn towards reality is scary. If Jake isn’t really perfect, then who is? If a fictional character can’t be a beacon of light and hope for the female species, then who is?

I notice Josh looking up John Hughes on wiki on his phone. I smile. It is a touch screen phone with my picture as the screen saver and he always pushes off to the side of my face since I don’t like watching him poke me in the face all the time. I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding. Josh is totally my real life Jake Ryan.

Later, I got to thinking about this and how prolific John Hughes really was and how much humor he brought to so many people across so many generations. So what if Jake Ryan was a little more.... complicated than I thought? The fact that I am even thinking and writing about him so many years later is a testament to John Hughes and his talent. John made characters that you knew and you loved them because you felt like you understood them and their struggles; they were the same as yours and their hearts ached for the same kinds of things.

Sure, he was Sam’s Jake Ryan, but he was mine too.



I happened to see Molly Ringwald and her then French husband in a restaurant in Hollywood several years ago and it felt like seeing an old friend from grade school. At the time, I marveled that she had to go all the way to France to find her real life Jake Ryan, I know now she is remarried to some Greek guy and has her own family.

Turns out, finding Jake Ryan hasn’t been easy for her either.