Forces of Geek: we like pop culture: Fashion and Faces RANT

Hello friends.

I’ve got a lot on my mind, so I’m gonna make this quick.

I’m super stressed at work because my school is sucking harder than 250 Hoovers, and just getting worse by the minute. And I’ve got Parent/Teacher conferences tomorrow night from 6 pm to 8:30 pm, after arriving at 8 in the morning, a VERY long day.

But I digress.

For the past few months the fashion world has been letting me down.

The first bummer is Project Runway. It TOTALLY sucks this season, and not just because it’s on Lifetime Channel For Women. The contestants are boring and not that talented, despite what Tim Gunn said in the first episode. No obnoxious flaming queens, no obnoxious argumentative queens, no villainous bitchy older women, no annoying, whiny girls who wear ugly feather headbands - BORING! And I’m supposed to be impressed when Kim Kardashian shows up as a guest judge? Oh puhleeeeze. Just because that girl’s got a big ass, doesn’t mean that she knows fashion. My ass is bigger than hers and I know more about fashion than she ever will because I've been reading Vogue since 1970!

The second thing that is making my head spin is the latest European (British) import retail store called Top Shop. It opened here in SOHO a few months ago, and with it a big whoop-dee-doo of an opening with KATE MOSS, who is apparently a “clothing designer” now with an exclusive line being sold there. I was mildly interested to see what they had, but not enough to run down there the first week. My instinct told me that I wouldn’t like it, and that it wouldn’t be as useful to me as H&M. I went down there last Saturday, and I was right – it sucks!

The first problem? All of the rubes in there elbow to elbow just grabbing things off the rack, no matter what they looked like. I wandered around, looking at everything and it looked as though EVERY item of clothing had sequins, beads, fur, feathers, or tinsel on it - most items had all of that shit on it at the same time. It looked like Rachel Zoe barfed all over the store.

I wander to the plain, brightly colored t-shirts, which look cool, and they’re on sale for eight dollars! As I get closer to them, I notice some Flashdance inspired seams, and the neck holes are cut on the bias. The sizes? Double zero, zero, two, four, six, and eight. What? I find an employee and ask her what the largest size of the clothing is and she says “Uh, a size twelve!” Really SIZE TWELVE? I guess I said that way too loud because I scared a skinny Kate/Rachel hybrid looking girl in the corner trying on $75 sequined leggings. She froze like a deer in headlights, probably thinking I insulted her by shouting SIZE TWELVE! while looking in her direction.

The second problem is that everything is cheaply made and super expensive. I spotted a cool necklace of an oversized capital letter 'C' that I wanted to buy. It was made of a flimsy piece of plastic, and was spray painted gold, and cost $44! Yeesh! The “Kate Moss Christmas 09 Collection” launches tomorrow, so check out the website HERE and see what I mean.

You see, the good thing about H&M and Forever 21 is that the stuff is cheap we won’t get mad when it disintegrates in two months because the trend will be over by that time anyway, which is fine when you’re paying $20 for a blouse. But if you're an Agnostic or Atheist, do not shop at Forever 21 because it's founder, a super religious Born Again Christian named Do-Won Chang.

The Third problem is the latest Paris Fashion Week.

Marc Jacobs’ Spring 2010 collection for Louis Vuitton. People freaked out and cried racism because of the models looking like this…HUGE AFRO'S? REALLY?