Let Your Geek Flag Fly.

The following anecdote is lousy with four letter words. If bad language makes you squeamish, please stop reading this and go read something cute, like LOLcats captions.

I never intended for my first article with FOG! to be about being a geek.

If you’re reading this, you’re a geek, or some sort of geekophile - full of geek-love for geek-culture, whatever that means to you.


I could have easily written about any topic that coincides with my obsessions (dinosaurs, sandwiches, 90’s X-Men) except for the sad fact that a week ago, I was bullied on my way to a comic book store.

I’m a grown woman. Hasn’t Liz Lemon made eye glasses and sweatpants chic?


One Saturday a month Meltdown Comics throws down some nerdlicious stand-up sets at Comics and Comics. I was walking to the show via Sunset after having taken the train from fabulous NoHo, a sometimes sketchy, always interesting, but never perilous journey. I strolled, giggling at something my witty and handsome husband had quipped. Hahaha. Then, from behind me -

“HAHAHA! Yeah, laugh it up you fucking nerd.”

A very loud, very angry person, that I somehow offended with my laughter, was yelling directly into the back of my skull. He had a point. I’m nerdy, and my nerdy insides translate directly to my nerdy outside. I dress for comfort, fun, and function. My pants are a size too big = comfort. I’m usually sporting a novelty or superhero t-shirt that reads “Talk Nerdy To Me” or “Say yes to pizza, say no to drugs!” = fun. I am blessed with severe nearsightedness. Oh, if only the walls of my apartment were as thick as my glasses are… I wouldn’t have to hear my neighbors doing it and then applauding themselves. = Function. I’ve looked like this since I was seven. Yes, I’m a nerd. Although I am sexually active, I think he was saying “fucking” nerd to be mean.

“You look like fucking Bill Gates.”

He definitely meant that to be mean. It’s one thing if someone says,” Hey, you’re like Bill Gates, as in, you’re a genius, super wealthy software mogul type… or whatever.” It’s another thing if someone tells you that you look like Bill Gates, because then they’re obviously trying to hurt your feelings, or make you cry or throw up. The guy rounded the corner to cut us off as we were walking, and he was in fact, a big burly she.

“Rich bitch. Rich cunt."

Yes. I’m rich. That’s precisely why I’m walking through shitsville on a Saturday night to a free comedy show.

“She’s a fucking whore.”

While I’m not a whore, I do appreciate that she assumes again, in spite of my geeky exterior, that I get laid a lot. And for money, even.

“Go back to fucking Jewville.”

I’m not Jewish, but if I was, wouldn’t Jewville be the place I’d want to go to? As stereotype dictates, an overprotective mom is waiting for me in a nice house with hot soup, and an intense need to be sure that I wear a sweater. I could be a doctor. I mean, I could marry a doctor. Jewville sounds way better than shitsville.

“I remember when he was in town, what was it - two years ago? When I was homeless?! Stupid cunt.”

Wait – were we talking about Bill Gates again? Is he a cunt? Or am I? If I’m such a stupid cunt, how did I get to be such a rich cunt? My mysterious past that she had invented was fascinating and confusing.

It was clear that this woman was not angry at me. I could see that she was still homeless (as evidenced by the huge bundle of junk strapped to her back), despite the fact that Bill Gates was no longer in town. It’s not fair to be offended by the mad tirades of the homeless or mentally ill, even if she was particularly brutal. I do however, wish I could say it was the first time that had happened.

A few weeks earlier, while crossing the street in the same neighborhood, a semi-toothed vagrant pushing a shopping cart filled with garbage saw my thick spectacles and shouted at me down the block,

“Hey there, bookworm! Whattaya gonna do? Read a book?! Huh, BOOKWORM?!”

His insult choice was circa 1958, which I found charming, but still considered to be a tiny feelings boo-boo.

Bad eyesight means cool frames and sturdy lenses, all the better to read books with, m’ dear. My brain is a disheveled library of paleontological terms and Jubilee quotes, worthless even by fanboy standards. It’s the stuff I love and live, and has colored the way I see the world since I was a kid. My instinct is to try to defend myself against these crazies; try to justify my bookwormishness to them aloud. But I wouldn’t dare. I can’t be angry at them, because if there’s anything more annoying than the vicious ramblings and misplaced insults from a complete stranger, it’s the pop-culture laced ramblings of a total geek brimming with unbridled passion for what others consider utterly irrelevant.

Geek is chic. Geek is a luxury. I am extremely fortunate to be a fucking nerd.

“Nobody, but nobody- but garbage men and psychopaths get up this early.”

-Jubilation Lee, Generation X