The Wizard of Gore remake: 5 reasons why you shouldn't watch it

Recently I watched the horrible to high heaven remake of The Wizard of Gore.

Not even a film with the likes of Crispin Glover, Brad Dourif, Jeffrey Combs and the nakedness of the Suicide Girls, could save this disaster. It just felt like it was made in a serious way, yet most of the actors weren't told that on the set, so you're getting truly hammy performances, which actually save it from being a film I'd burn alive at the stake.

I can't pinpoint one reason as to why this film stinks.


I'll list a top 5 reasons as to why I'd rather watch paint be poured down my urethra then see it again.

1. Wasting the likes of Jeffrey Combs in a speechless role for about 90% of the film until a big 'surprise' of a climax that makes you go, "Did I miss something important? Like a plot?"

2. Calling Brad Dourif on the set of Deadwood and piling up a ton of cash for him to play such a boring foul mouthed character just to progress the story and have his name on the box art.

3. Making me bored of naked punk girls. But only for about 5 seconds. Then I realized that instead of being bored by them, I was just bored by the movie. So Suicide Girls, I still love you.

4. Having Kip Pardue as your star. God, he just blows. I know he took the role pretty seriously, because he was the only one trying to come up with some character nuances, like gasping into a paper bag when excited and wearing hip clothing to show that he's a reporter really trying to get to the bottom of the shenanigans throughout the film. Just tried to hard. As opposed to Bijou Philips, who I tend to love (and was also in Choke) but she was as wooden as a board in this film, showcasing pain as if she was in remedial acting class. Shame on you Bijou.

5. And finally, this movie sucked so much, it made me think of the original film in a whole new light. I now think it's a better film than the remake (and yes, I do own the film. I had a Herschell Gordon Lewis kick a few years back.)

Just try to stay away if you can. It will become a film that we do a Rifftrax for down the line, only because it's almost irredeemable. But only almost.

Greetings and salutations...