DEXTER The Animated Webisodes Gets a Trailer

What cartoon character would you like to see Dexter take out?



Seriously.

Memory of Berlin RANT - 9/30/09

Hello friends!

Well, it seems like we've made it through a week where nobody famous died or was rude (of course I'm holding my breath right now), but it is only Wednesday.

I guess I feel like I'm a day ahead because we had off from school on Monday for Yom Kippur.

I love four day school weeks!


Anyway, I FINALLY HAD MY CABLE HOOKED UP ON SATURDAY!

I have to send a big shout-out to my friend Imani for all of her wonderful help with that. I'm a few days behind with the new fall t.v. schedule because I'm so busy catching up with Project Runway, Top Chef, My Antonio, Real Chance At Love, and the show that I'm beyond in love with - Tool Academy!

PLEASE tell me you've seen that show.

Oh, and speaking of new, the new season of Dancing With The Stars has begun!

I will rant about it later, but please watch it next week. Mostly for Tom Delay and Kelly Osbourne. I temporarily lost my hearing on Monday night when they turned one of my all time favorite songs by The Police, Roxanne into a Tango. And yes, I also heard the White Stripes' Seven Nation Army turned into a Quick Step... ACK!

I'm not writing about it this week because my memories of Berlin were jarred by a "catch up"phone call from my friend Evan last night. I hadn't talked to him since I got back, and he didn't look at my photo albums on Facebook, so I filled him in. While talking to him about it, I remembered something that I haven't shared with you - BAD HAIRSTYLES IN GERMANY!

For some reason, they LOVE crazy colors. Young, old, no matter. Especially the 'two-tone" look;


Now, when I asked these young women what the deal was, they both said, "It's because of that 'dirty girl' - the singer!" Of course I had no idea who they were talking about. Then after they described her outfit that had chaps, a bra top, and she was in a boxing ring, I realized they were talking about Christina Aguilera!

Remember when she busted out of her Disney-fied "Genie In A Bottle" image by letting her ass hang out?

That was what, ten years ago?

But here is something even better/worse. The Dude with the Dreadlock Mullet!

I saw this guy on the train to Pottsdam. And guess what, he looked at my hair like I was crazy to leave the house looking the way I did.

I couldn't take my eyes off of this guy.

Horrible!

Well, I hope that you don't have nightmares after looking at that.

Mea Culpa!

Love,
Crystal

Interview with IG-88: Assassin Droid

I'm not quite sure how the stars aligned for me, but I recently had the opportunity to sit down with IG-88, the assassin droid long thought dead as a result of the destruction of the Death Star II during the battle of Endor. But he's not dead folks, not by a long-shot, and he graciously let me in on his life as it has been and how he sees it unfolding for him in the future.

Things are looking up for this droid; I predict 2010 to be the year of 88. Here's how it all went down.

RF: IG-88, thanks for taking the time out of your no-doubt busy schedule to chat with me, I really appreciate that.

IG: 4f 68 20 6e 6f 20 70 72 6f 62 6c 65 6d 20 52 79 61 6e 2c 20 69 74 27 73 20 6d 79 20 70 6c 65 61 73 75 72 65 2e 20 49 27 6d 20 61 63 74 75 61 6c 6c 79 20 61 20 62 69 67 20 66 61 6e 20 6f 66 20 79 6f 75 72 20 77 6f 72 6b 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 69 73 20 69 73 20 61 73 20 6d 75 63 68 20 61 20 74 72 65 61 74 20 66 6f 72 20 6d 65 20 61 73 20 69 74 20 69 73 20 66 6f 72 20 79 6f 75 2e 20

RF: I'm sorry, IG, I don't understand HEX without a translator.

IG: Oh, ningun problema Ryan, el gusto es mio. Soy realmente una gran admiradora tuya y esto es tanto un placer para mi como lo es para ti.

RF: Nope, don't speak Spanish either. English please, if you can.

IG: *BZZT* Oh no problem Ryan, it's my pleasure. I'm actually a big fan of your work and this is as much a treat for me as it is for you. *BLLP*

RF: Oh my goodness, that's quite a compliment, thank you. I'm a big fan of your work, especially your hand in the genocide of Kryl-ak IX. Those Kryl-aksians were a bunch of downers, man.

IG: You're telling me. It took me nearly a pentad to cleanse my joints of the foul, wretch-inducing film from the air on that planet alone. Good riddance.

RF: Ha ha, I hear that. So obviously you're not dead... mind telling me how that's possible? Records indicate that you perished with the central computer of the Death Star II.

IG: That is correct, I uploaded my consciousness into the Death Star II. It's a misconception that I was working for the Empire however. It's true I had taken a contract with them to track down that wretched flesh bag Han Solo – no offence – but that asshole Boba Fat had his nose so far up Vader's rear exhaust. The whole thing was a waste of my time. But anyways I told those douchebags to keep on truckin' and headed down to Aaraal III to pop some heads and visit the lube and buff. It was there that I met up with Dengar and Bossk, who were also jerked around by Vader. We thought it would be funny to play a prank on the Empire, so I interfaced with Death Star II's central computer. Had that thing fired on Endor the entire neighboring galaxy would've heard Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree for four hours.

RF: No way! Man I would've loved to have seen that...

IG: I know right? Leave it up to those pudgy skin-sacks – again, no offence – to eff it all up. But no, I managed to transfer my consciousness back into my android body. The Death Star II had wi-fi, which was pretty nice. I really wish they finished construction on that thing, it was awesome. They had, like, three pools and an ice-skating rink.

RF: Really? There's this mall in another city by me, they have a skating rink and a wave pool and a couple of roller-coasters.

IG: Serious? A mall?

RF: Yeah totally. It's cool like the first time you go, but then it just gets annoying.

(Waitress interrupts, brings us drinks and food)

IG: You see that waitress? Damn.

RF: So tell me, IG, have you been an assassin droid all of your life?

IG: Life is an irrelevant concept to me.

RF: Right, sorry. Let me rephrase that: have you always been programmed to assassinate?

IG: In this form, yes. I think, therefore I am. I destroy, therefore I endure. Though I have taken multiple forms over the course of my self-awareness, each one with their own prime-directive.

RF: What's the worst prime-directive you've been programmed with?

IG: Well, “worst” is an irrelevant term to me, but I see where you're going. Actually, and this is somewhat embarrassing, I was a blue milk steamer in the Mos Eisley Cantina for a year or so.

RF: Interesting... I was a barista at Starbucks for two months. One of the worst jobs I ever had. I take it you didn't enjoy it?

IG: Negative. You should see the clientelle that frequent that hell-hole. Funny story, I actually went back there not too long ago and laid waste to the whole damn bar. You should've seen it. The horrid-looking bartender saw me and screamed “Hey, we don't serve your kind h...” KABOOSH! Flame thrower. Pulse rifle. End of story.

RF: Woah, that's seriously bad-ass, IG.

IG: Thank you, it was what you would perceive to be a lot of fun.

RF: So, getting back to you as a sentient android, are you as IG-88 a drone-like android, all units operating under one awareness? There has been, at one time, four IG-88 units operating at once. What's the deal?

IG: You're partly correct, yes. At one point there were four of us, and throughout what you perceive as time there have numerous assassin droids in the physical form you see before you. Back on Mechis III, my planet of origin, the four of us had attempted a revolution to rid the universe of you ham-filled wastes of carbon. Truth be told the other three IG units just weren't committed nor did they have the skill to pull off such a conquest.

RF: So what happend to the other IG's?

IG: Wide-dispersal radiation grenades chased with a shot of DAS-430 electromagnetic projectiles.

RF: I must say, you have an impressive array of weaponry. Do you have a favorite?

IG: Wow, that's a tough question. Let me think. The flame-thrower is really cool. I also recently had blaster cannons built into my arms... no more external weapons, thank God aka Holowan Laboratories. Trifaraleen gas is always fun to use too. I think.... gosh I don't know, there's too many to pick. I like 'em all. Had I been able to use the Death Star II laser, that would be it, but you know.

RF: That's so awesome. When I was younger my dad made me a pair of nun-chucks out of a couple pieces of wood and a few inches of chain. I also made a pretty realistic ninja star out of duct tape and a bent-up coat hanger.

IG: That's pathetic.

RF: Ha ha.

IG: I'm not laughing, meat-bag. Have you any real armaments?

RF: Me? No. Truth be told I'm not too fond of guns or anything like that. I'm kind of a pacifist really. Never even been in a fight!

IG: *whirring sound*

RF: Uh.... what are you doing?

IG: Calculating, you rotting beef-satchel.

RF: ...calculating what exactly?

IG: Whether or not I should use my paralysis cord, sonic stunner or concussion grenade on you.

RF: But... IG... I thought...

IG: YOU DON'T THINK, YOU HUMAN TRASH RECEPTACLE. YOU FILL THE ATMOSPHERE WITH VILE SENTIMENTS AND SPREAD NON-TRUTHS OF MALLS WITH WAVE POOLS!

RF (motioning to waitress): S'cuse me, the bill... ?

IG (now with dual arm-mounted cannons pointed at me): YES, THE BILL. AND WHO WILL BE PAYING FOR THAT?

RF: It's cool, IG, I got this one...

IG: AFFIRMATIVE, YOU INFECTED CESSPOOL OF FAILURE!

(I pay the bill, silence follows. IG-88 eventually lowers his arm-cannons)

RF: Are we cool, IG? I apologize if I upset you.

IG: I... yes... my extrapolations revealed a less than 20% chance of satisfaction from blowing your head off. Besides, I kind of like you. You know, if you were to transfer your consciousness into a more fitting, mechanical body much like Bib Fortuna did, I might even allow you to join my next droid revolution. At the very least I won't burn every zepto of flesh from your bones.

RF: That's very kind of you, IG. I will strongly consider it.

IG: You're most welcome, man-pig.

RF: So one last question, IG. What are you up to now?

IG: That's the thing you see, I'm kind of at a cross-road. I'm kind of just evaluating my awareness, seeing what's out there. I mean, I always want to assassinate and enslave, that's just in my programming. But is there more out there for me? A weird part of me kind of likes earth. You know, aside from all the disgusting organic puss pods like yourself. I can see myself settling down here once my ion chambers dry up. Maybe get a job at IKEA. I have a second-cousin who works there as an item scanner, he quite likes it. Says he might be able to get me a job as the pneumatic-chair-life-demonstrator.

RF: You mean, the set-up they have where the thing hits the seat over and over?

IG: Did I stutter, you porcine pool of discharge? So there's always that. Or Palm Springs, I hear the weather is lovely in the fall and they have that 50's throwback vibe going on and I'm a huge Sinatra fan.

RF: Oh me too.

IG: But you know, I truly don't think I can go into sleep mode until I've honestly given this revolution business a chance. I think it's inevitable so I'm going to give it one last shot.

RF: Well that's great, IG. I know it means nothing to you, but I truly hope you don't target Earth in your list of possible conquests. At least not within the next 40 or 50 years.

IG: Ha! You think you'd live that long? I scanned your body composition the moment you came within range – trust me, keep going the way you're going and you'll be lucky to last another 10 klekkets.

RF: Yeah I know. God you're a magnificent creation.

IG: Affirmative.

RF: Well, IG, thanks again for taking the time to

*PULSE CANNON*

MARVEL SUPERHERO SQUAD (Review)

In Superhero City, the heroes of the Marvel Universe reside, protecting it's citizens from their dangerous sister city, Villainville. Despite the presence of some of the World's Greatest Heroes, Superhero City is constantly having to defend themselves from Dr. Doom and his cohorts.

The heroes are the Superhero Squad!

Absurb?

Perhaps.

Stupid?

Hardly.

Superhero Squad is first off, a kid's cartoon and one that is a fresh alternative toward many of the more mature animated series geared toward older fans. My biggest complaint is the noticeable absence of Spider-Man, who appears in his own animated series. I hope that Spidey finds his way over to Superhero Squad in future seasons.

The series is pleasantly simple and the character design is adorable. If you like your heroes serious and brooding, skip this. If you prefer to imagine a Marvel Universe where all of the heroes are friends and where good triumphs over evil, grab a big bowl of sugary cereal and enjoy.

"I told you not to pull the Hulk's finger!"

More pics after the jump!

"And this is why the Mole Man is a dick..."

"I'm the very best there is at what I do. And what I do best is adorable!"

"Abomination, you idiot! You only can eat the ghosts when they are blue!"

"That's right FCC. Kid's show and I've got no pants."

The cutest blaxploitation ever!

"Does this remind you of the Volley Ball scene in TOP GUN?"

"Don't make me sing. You wouldn't like me when I sing."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the traveling company of RENT"

"You just saved Superhero City! What are you gonna do now?"

"Use our Employee Discounts at Disneyworld!"

It's like the Marvel Universe Vegas!

WATCH - DEXTER Episode 1, Season 4

The fine folks at Showtime know how much I love Dexter, but if for some reason you have any doubt as to how awesome it is, they've graciously provided the season premiere for all you Geeks to enjoy!

Autumnal Viewing

We’re now entering my favorite time of year -- autumn. The temperature is cool and comfortable, the foliage is turning sinister shades of sepia and crimson, and my absolute favorite pagan holiday is only a month away. This also means that my movie watching is about to take a month-long excursion into the scary and creepy, with side trips into suspense.

Today, however, I’ve got a variety of flicks on digitally-encoded plastic discs to discuss, and only some of them are of the horror variety. As usual, this week’s Late Show covers the gamut of the offbeat and unusual (i.e. whatever gets sent for review), with plenty of variety for the discriminating cult cinema and television aficionado.




THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO
2009, Anchor Bay
From the twisted mind of rocker/filmmaker Rob Zombie, comes this exercise in animated excess based on his comic book from Image Comics.

Set in the sleazy netherworld known as Monsterland, the film follows the adventures of El Superbeasto (voiced by Tom Papa), a macho Mexican luchadore wrestle/porno film star, his sultry sidekick and sister Suzi-X (Sheri Moon Zombie), and horny robot Murray, as they battle Nazi zombies and attempt to prevent the unholy marriage of the evil Doctor Satan (Paul Giamatti) to sexy stripper Velvet Von Black.

Also featuring the voices of geek goddess Rosario Dawson, cult film icons Cassandra Peterson (Elvira), Sid Haig, Dee Wallace (Cujo), Danny Trejo, Clint Howard, Tura Satana and Ken Foree, and cartoon voice-over vets Tom Kenny, John Di Maggio and Rob Paulsen, The Haunted World of El Superbeasto is a colorful 77 minutes of non-stop horror film references, c/rude graphic comedy and animated ultra violence. Songs are provided by Hard ‘n Phirm.

Anchor Bay/Starz Media presents The Haunted World of El Superbeasto in a crystal-sharp, 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer with Dolby 5.1 Surround sound. Supplemental features include deleted and alternate scenes.

If you’re an adult Rob Zombie fan, you’ll probably enjoy it, but be warned this is absolutely not a suitable Halloween cartoon video for the kids.


THE SHORTCUT
2009, Anchor Bay
Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison production company steps into a different film genre with their new Scary Madison division, unleashing upon the world yet another watered down "teen horror thriller," The Shortcut.

In this small, suburban town, there’s a shortcut through the woods that would save the local kids a lot of time getting to school. But since the trail runs by a creepy house inhabited by a crazy old man – a man that local legend suggests was responsible for the disappearance of several people years ago – none of the kids living in the neighborhood dare to use it. Now, though, when it looks like the wierdo has been killing their pets, a few bold (and none too bright) teenagers decide to find out what the old guy’s story really is, only to discover the shovel-wielding madman’s horrifying secret.

A decent cast of young actors and actresses, atmospheric cinematography, and generally effective direction by Nicholaus Goossen should have combined to make The Shortcut a solid little thriller… unfortunately (according to Goosen’s commentary), the investors’ insistence that the film garner a PG-13 rating, seriously undercuts its effectiveness as a horror movie. There are some imaginative "kills" but they’re pretty much bloodless and rushed by, and the obligatory twist ending is anything but surprising. It’s too bad, because on a technical level, The Shortcut is pretty slick. Too bad it’s ultimately toothless.

Anchor Bay’s DVD presentation is very nice, with a razor-sharp 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer and 5.1 Dolby Surround audio. Extras are limited to an exhaustive audio commentary by director Goosen and the movie trailer.

Basically, The Shortcut is just another teen slash ‘n slay flick, nicely produced but fairly forgettable. It’s not terrible, but it’s really nothing special, either.


RADIO PATROL
1937, VCI Entertainment
The fine folks at VCI continue to do a service for fans of classic cliffhanger serials with their latest release, the 12-chapter cops ‘n robbers serial, Radio Patrol.

The inventor of a secret formula (this time for "flexible steel") is murdered, and uniformed police officer Pat O’Hara (square-jawed Grant Withers of the studio's Jungle Jim serial and countless B-movies) is assigned to protect the scientist’s son from the gang of international crooks who snuffed his dad and are still out for the formula.

Based on a now long-forgotten King Features newspaper comic strip, Radio Patrol is a typical low budget-but-polished chapterplay from Universal Studios and boasts a solid, professional cast of studio contract players, including lovely serial vet Kay Hughes (Dick Tracy). Briskly directed by Ford Beebe and Clifford Smith, Patrol provides the requisite number of under-cranked car chases, frantic fist fights and chapter-closing cliffhangers demanded by adolescent matinee audiences (and today’s aging serial buffs). It’s fun stuff.

VCI’s DVD contains all twelve episodes on a single disc. The full-frame transfer is decent for a film of this vintage, but not as quite as nice as the company’s recent Green Hornet releases. Picture quality is soft and grainy with poor contrast levels, but, fortunately, scratches and other print damage are minimal. The mono sound is adequate if a bit hissy. Still, for a seventy year-old Saturday matinee throwaway, VCI’s Radio Patrol looks better than I might have expected.

Serial fans are a small, niche audience, and VCI is virtually the only mainstream, commercial outfit serving that particular niche. While the picture quality may leave a bit to be desired, it is something of a minor miracle that any of these serials survive in a watchable state. If you're cliffhanger buff, Radio Patrol would make a decent addition to your collection.


CASTLE THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON
2009, ABC Studios
An entertaining throwback to mystery shows of the 70s and 80s, ABC’s Castle stars Nathan Fillion (Firefly) as best-selling crime novelist Richard Castle, who is called in to consult on a murder case by the NYPD when a killer seems to be using Castle’s books as a guide for his crimes. Impressed by attractive female detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic), he uses his celebrity to pull some strings and arranges to join her in her investigations with the intent of using the experiences in his fiction.

With charismatic leads, good writing, charm and self-contained "done-in-one" mysteries, Castle almost seems to be from another era of television entirely, but it makes for a refreshing alternative to the parade of plodding procedurals that make up most of television’s current crime dramas. Production values are top-notch, and the supporting cast is uniformly excellent. It really surprised me.

ABC’s 3 disc DVD set contains all ten of the short first season’s episodes, presented in flawless 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen transfers with Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound. Bonus features include several Behind The Scenes featurettes, a blooper real, and audio commentaries on select episodes.

If you missed this on television, you might want to give it a spin on DVD. It’s been quite a while since one of the major networks actually scheduled a series as pleasantly entertaining as this.


LIFE ON MARS THE COMPLETE SERIES
2008, ABC Studios
Based on the BBC television series of the same name, Life On Mars was a compelling short-run series from last year that benefited immensely from a top flight cast and some incredibly skillful filmmaking by its crew.

Police detective Sam Tyler (Jason O’Mara) is hit by an automobile in 2008 and wakes up in 1973, where he is immediately accepted into Precinct 125 as a transfer from someplace called "Hyde." There he meets his new colleagues, led by Lieutenant Gene Hunt (Harvey Keitel, The Bad Lieutenant), a hardboiled, two-fisted, old school cop. He also meets beautiful police woman Annie "No Nuts" Norris (Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Betty Page), who despite her obvious intelligence and capabilities, is stuck fetching coffee for her male chauvinist coworkers. Tyler becomes convinced that he’s stranded in the past for a reason, and that if he could just figure it out, he could return to his own time. But what about all those little robots he keeps seeing, not to mention the strange phone calls he frequently receives?

I haven't seen the original British version, so I can't comment on how the two incarnations compare, but I liked it. The producers manage to evoke an utterly believable 1970s milieu, skillfully recreating an era before personal computers, cell phones and Starbucks. The sets are crammed with convincing detail and the New York locations are carefully chosen, disguised and filled with convincingly costumed extras and vintage automobiles. The cast, led by the always excellent Keitel, are, without exception, perfect in their roles, creating characters of unusual depth and dimension. The writing is better than average, with mostly self-contained cases for Tyler and his fellow cops to solve. That some of these cases involve his own, young parents, only makes Tyler’s predicament all that more involving.

The 70s music is great, too.

Fortunately, the producers had warning that the series wasn’t being renewed so they were able to wrap up their story with a final revelation that explains most of the show’s mysteries. It wasn’t quite as unexpected or satisfying as I hoped it would be, but at least it’s a conclusion.

ABC brings the American version of Life On Mars to DVD with a four-disc package containing all 17 episodes. They are presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround sound. Extras include several Making Of featurettes, an unusual feature in which 70’s television star Lee Majors (The Six Million Dollar Man) visits the Mars sets, a selection of deleted scenes, a blooper reel, and audio commentaries on select episodes.

Though flawed, and suffering a bit from its run being cut too short, Life On Mars is definitely worth checking out, especially if you’re a fan of shows like Twin Peaks or Lost and enjoy offbeat dramas laden with fantasy. I liked it a lot more than I thought I would, and found myself wishing that there had been a lot more episodes. Check it out.


UGLY BETTY THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON
2008, ABC Studios
Yeah, okay. I admit that I like this show. I particularly enjoy watching it with my wife. The characters are fun and funny, the soap opera plotting is embarrassingly compelling, and Vanessa Williams – sly and sexy – is just a pleasure to watch.

If you haven’t seen it, Ugly Betty is based on a popular Mexican soap opera, and chronicles the ups and downs of a plucky young Latina from Queens named Betty Suarez (America Ferrera), as she tries to make a career for herself in the cutthroat New York publishing business. She works as an assistant at a high end fashion magazine called Mode, where back-stabbing and corporate power struggles are the status quo and her decidedly non-model appearance makes her the target of her colleagues.

In this third season, Betty has shed her previous year’s pair of suitors and moves out of her family’s home into her own Manhattan apartment. But all is not well, as her fortunes - and those of her co-workers and family – rise and fall with astounding rapidity, thanks to a series of unexpected romances, surprise betrayals, and medical emergencies.

As with previous seasons, the pace is brisk, the humor broad, and the production design colorful. Additionally, this season the production actually moved to New York City, which meant they no longer had to fake it in L.A. with greenscreens and CGI, and could take better advantage of Manhattan’s locations and landmarks.

Ugly Betty, The Complete Third Season comes to DVD with 24 episodes on six discs. The aspect ratio is 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, and the audio is Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround. Bonus features include two Behind The Scenes featurettes, deleted scenes, a blooper reel, two short "webisodes," and commentary on select episodes.

• BLU-RAY REVIEWS •

THE BLIND SWORDSMAN: ZATOICHI
2003, Miramax Films
In 2003, renowned Japanese filmmaker Takeshi Kitano wrote, directed and starred in (under his stage name of "Beat Takeshi") a reimagined version of the classic Zatoichi series, which chronicled the adventures of a blind swordsman wandering feudal Japan.

In Kitano’s version, Zatoichi is a blond, blind masseur and gambler who becomes involved with various eccentric and unusual characters in a small town being bled dry by warring gangs of ruthless criminals. Of course, when the oppression of the gangs becomes intolerable, the humble Zatoichi is forced to demonstrate his extraordinary skill with a sword.

Filled with colorful imagery and equally colorful characters, as well as some very well-staged action sequences and surprising humor, Zatoichi is a singular viewing experience. The entire cast is superlative, and Kitano’s direction is both utterly involving and visually stylish. The only thing that bugged me was the extensive use of computer-generated blood during the fight scenes. Not because it was excessive, but because it was unconvincing and somewhat cartoonish. Maybe that was Kitano’s intent, but it didn’t really work for me.

Miramax’s Blu-Ray presentation is pretty decent, with a solid 1.85:1 1080p HD widescreen transfer. Two audio options are provided: an English dub in 5.1 DTS-HD and the original Japanese language track in 5.1 Dolby Digital. A Spanish language track is also included. The only bonus features are a brief Behind The Scenes featurette and video interviews with some of the film’s crew.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. The Blu-Ray presentation isn’t spectacular, but it still looks pretty good. For fans of the samurai genre, it’s definitely worth checking out.


IRON MONKEY
1993, Miramax Films
Miramax brings another of their fan-favorite martial arts epic to high definition Blu with this reissue of director Yuen Wo Ping’s exhilarating Iron Monkey.

In a small medieval Chinese village, corrupt officials are plagued by a masked, Robin Hood-like bandit known only as the Iron Monkey, who steals from their coffers to aid the poor. When they are unable to apprehend the seemingly unstoppable bandit, the Governor forces a traveling physician (Donnie Yen) to find and capture the living legend. However, when an evil Shaolin monk arrives on the scene, the doctor and the Iron Monkey must throw in together to defeat this new threat.

Energetically directed by the man who choreographed the action scenes for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and The Matrix – among many, many others – Iron Monkey never fails to entertain. The story, based on Chinese legends, is universal, echoing not only the Robin Hood tales, but the adventures of Zorro, as well. The film is fast paced, never lags and is charged with electricity. It is, simply, one of the best films of its kind.

Miramax’s new Blu-ray reissue, "presented by Quentin Tarantino," sports a new 1080p High Definition widescreen transfer with an aspect ratio of 1.85:1. The English dub is remastered in 5.1 DTS-HD, while the original Chinese (and Spanish) audio tracks are 5.1 Dolby Digital. As usual with these titles, supplemental material is slim; this disc includes only a video interview with Quentin Tarantino and another with star Donnie Yen.

Highly recommended.

COMING ATTRACTIONS: It’s October, and terror stalks the Late Show screen as we look at Anchor Bay’s new release of the 80’s stalk ‘n slash classic, Happy Birthday To Me, Bijou Phillips births a killer baby in the unrated remake of It’s Alive, Lost’s Terry O’Quinn proves that daddy knows best in The Stepfather, and gore master Lucio Fulci takes Manhattan with The New York Ripper. All this and more in the next DVD Late Show.

If you’re a PR person or represent a studio and want me to review your DVD or Blu-Ray discs, drop me a line at dvdlateshow@atomicpulp.com.

IN DEFENSE OFGodzilla (1998)

Remember the first time you saw the teaser trailer for the American remake of Godzilla? Remember how incredibly disappointed you were after seeing the American remake of Godzilla? Take another look at the overblown, overhyped monster of a movie.

It's actually better than you remember.



I remember the exact moment I dismissed the "new" Godzilla movie. It was opening night, in a New York City multiplex, in a sold-out show. In the opening credits, there's this doom-and-gloom nuclear testing sequence and a hysterically goofy shot of three komodo dragons looking into the sky as their world ignites in a glowing orange flame. It just set the wrong tone for the film, and by the time we saw how different the actual creature was realized, it was time to hand out the Razzies (of which Godzilla earned two and was nominated for 5, including Worst Picture). Then even Toho dismissed the American remake and ridiculed it in their subsequent Godzilla films (the latest being 2004's Godzilla: Final Wars).

Putting aside some obvious mistakes, this Godzilla is a fun throwback to the Toho monster films that came before. Watching it in a post-9/11 world is a little unsettling, but given that the only landmark skyscraper not actually destroyed in the film is the Trade Center, you're constantly aware of the fantasy factor. Besides, Roland Emmerich has such a natural knack for destroying my city in new and interesting ways.

Most of the action takes place in the first 45 minutes of the film, and arguably it's these early monster-attacks-midtown scenes that make the film worth watching. After the set up, the monster literally disappears for nearly a half-hour, giving way to stretches of uninteresting ramble between far too many human characters. But hey, didn't the original Godzilla films waste quite a bit of time with expository "science" and soap-opera

The remake's monster is less intent on actually destroying the city, and demolition from the big guy is only a result of clumsy maneuvering and self defense. The filmmakers are well aware they've changed the motives of their star, but it's all in self-referential fun. At one point there's an in-joke about the Japanese man who names it Gojira, only to have it misinterpreted as Godzilla. The violence keeps in the same plane of the Toho classics, with the military getting most of their brought-on carnage by the beast.

The film may be overloaded with plot conventions (reconnected lovers, aspiring journalist, a false "just-when-you-thought-it-was-over" ending), but it is so damn intent on outdoing the spectacle of Jurassic Park that it ends up being solid popcorn drivel. And, hey, it's free...

Courtesy of Crackle: Godzilla (1998)

Flame On: Observing Gay Superheroes

“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.” – Tennessee Williams.

In my recent return to reading comic books, a hobby from which I took a fifteen year vacation, it quickly became evident that the writing has gotten much better.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that the stories of the last decade and a half have eclipsed the best stories that preceded it, but on average, there seem to be less poorly written comic books, and the middle to high quality titles are far more common than they used to be.

Some credit the influx of television writers to the comics medium with this seemingly across the board improvement, since the sitcoms and dramas that developed their talents required long-term plot development and a strong emotional connection between the characters and the audience within another predominantly visual medium.

With all that talent, you'd think there would be as much diversity in comic books as on TV, but there isn't: Where are all the gay superheroes?




Certainly there have been a few. There was Northstar from the Marvel Comics title Alpha Flight (basically a B-list, Canadian X-Men) who came out of the closet amid much media hype in 1992. He was far from a prominent superhero, and the incident was seen as a publicity stunt to work an AIDS plotline into the Marvel Universe. Today, that would be like developing an Asian hero to weave in a bird flu plotline, and possibly as insulting as adding a black hero just to give him sickle cell anemia. The spike in sales on that single Alpha Flight issue (#106) did little to attract new readers, and a little over a year later the title was canceled.


It would be ten years before Marvel introduced another gay character, and eleven or twelve before they got it right. In both instances the editorial department wisely opted to develop sexual preference from the very beginning.

In 2002, Marvel brought back the Rawhide Kid as part of their Marvel Max imprint, introducing the first openly gay comic book character to star in his own title. Max was a line of comics intended for mature audiences comprised mainly of hyper-violent versions of existing Marvel Universe characters like the Punisher, and Daredevil. Unfortunately, Rawhide Kid was far from mature, and was heavy with puns, euphemisms and blatant innuendo; it was rife with general poor taste. It wisely took place outside of the general continuity. It was a five issue mini-series with low sales and proved to be very unpopular with comic readers. On the upside it was published two years before the release of Brokeback Mountain, proving that the idea was ahead of the zeitgeist even if it was handled incredibly badly.

In New Mutants (Vol. 2). Writer Christina Weir not only opted to have the gay, teen character Anole come from an accepting home, but developed a mentoring relationship between Northstar and Anole that didn't seem merely like a plot of convenience. Since the widespread fear of mutants in the Marvel Universe has long been a metaphor for the lack of acceptance faced by homosexuals and minorities in the real world, Weir chose to make the majority of Anole's challenges a result of his mutated appearance rather than his sexual preference. As a character affected by two forms of prejudice, Anole was the perfect platform for criticizing the obvious (but infrequently discussed) dangers of training kids to take on adult responsibilities as part of a superhero team. The character was well-written, popular and opened the door to introduce more gay characters, but Anole (and all subsequent gays in the Marvel Universe) was still only a supporting character in a team book.

DC's track record is not much better, and perhaps worse. Ahead of Marvel on the openly gay hero stakes, Steve Engleheart introduced Extraño, an effeminate Hispanic man whose name means "Strange" in Spanish, in 1987 in Millenium -which like Alpha Flight at Marvel, was a B-list title at best. He was also used to usher in an HIV storyline, in which he contracted the disease during a fight with an "AIDS-Vampire" called Hemo-Goblin, and discarded like a bad idea after the cancellation of the New Guardians comic in a Green Lantern story that saw the entire Guardians team devoured by the island eating villain, Entropy. I'm not making this stuff up, folks!

In DC's Vertigo imprint there have been many stories told outside the regular superhero continuity that involved or revolved around gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender characters, but within the hero books, any story involving gay characters has been in the vein of The Crying Game, whereby one minor player falls in love with another minor player who turns out to not be what they claimed, therefore not addressing homosexuality as an intentional choice. More insulting than not addressing the issue is the implication that it could only be the result of some form of trickery.

It was in the pages of the aforementioned Green Lantern that DC has had its greatest success in addressing homosexuality within the pages of a superhero comic. It was under the direction of writer Judd Winnick, who some of you may remember as the cartoonist from MTV's third season of The Real World in San Francisco. Winnick has previously won major industry awards for Pedro and Me, a graphic novel he both wrote and illustrated about his friendship with AIDS activist and Real World co-star Pedro Zamora. His run on Green Lantern addressed several issues that affect the LGBT community, including gay-bashing, and predates all of the Marvel stories listed previously. When Winnick left Green Lantern to write Green Arrow, he introduced the first prominent superhero with HIV, in a remix of a classic sidekick storyline centered around intravenous drug use. Winnick's stories have won multiple awards from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Unfortunately, writers like Judd Winnick are rare. Like most comic book writers, Judd is a caucasian, heterosexual male. However, most comic scribes, including those who seemingly win or get nominated for comic book industry awards year in and year out, simply don't know how to write gay characters. Of course I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that most writers can't write women either -and I'm not just talking about female superheroes, but women in general. Comic books are still seen primarily as a "boys club", and juvenile plots and sophomoric comedy is not only accepted it is rewarded. There is a time and a place for everything, and I admit that sometimes when I read a comic book I'm looking only for pure, neanderthal action, but enough is enough.

Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic book brought a lot of female readers into the hobby of comic book collecting. Unfortunately, the end of that book resulted in the loss of a great deal of that readership, because there was nothing else for them. The erratic publishing schedule of Love & Rockets has frustrated male and female readers alike to enter and leave the hobby regularly. It has been the crossover of Japanese manga with mainstream American comics that has brought the majority of young female readers back to the hobby, and yet there have only been a handful of comics that have even attempted to draw a female readership -and most of them are written by the Luna Brothers. Their Ultra was a great Sex & the City take on superheroes, and their The Sword is as good as any vigilante comic out there. Since female readers equal greatly expanded profits, why haven't the big two (Marvel & DC) actively gone after that demographic?
They don't know how.

I'm not going to win any friends at the editorial level with this statement, but I believe it to be true: The guys in charge have made it as difficult as possible for new writers to enter the trade, and I don't know whether it's fear of replacement or megalomania, but the Superhero writers only know macho, and it's getting stale.

It doesn't help when only three or four writers seem to write every book at both companies, and every six to twelve months all superhero titles are tied together with a single story line necessitating the purchase of crossover titles. Multi-crossover titles seem like good business, because publishers ship more units on books with low numbers, but over time it leads to drop off on the books that were already selling well, and it alienates new customers. So in the long run it's bad business. And I don't want to generalize, but if these crossovers bother the male consumers, they drive the females absolutely (forgive the pun) batshit! Do you see women incessantly flip through channels on their remote control? Is there a high level of ADD in female young adults and adolescents? No. Female consumers commit to a title and generally stick by it. Increasingly, among both genders, readers are following the creative teams, not the characters, which makes the crossover nonsense even less advised.

I guess my point is that we'll be less likely to see books dedicated to well written gay characters until the writing speaks to that audience. One in every five people, statistically, is gay. Currently, there is only one prominent gay character starring in their own book: Batwoman in Detective Comics. And it's a really good comic, but what percentage does that represent? .05%? Not surprising when you consider how few comic books are marketed to women, and they represent more than 50% of the population. In countries where the sequential, illustrated story-telling format is marketed to women, the business is booming -just take a ride on the subway in Tokyo.

I think that the fear of reprisal from the religious right wing is the only thing holding back gay superheroes. That's letting a small, closed minded portion of the population call the shots for the rest of the country. Let's not let them win. Let's be loud about what we want to read. They're vocal, so we need to be more vocal. Write letters, send emails, gather petitions. Don't let one squeaky wheel get all the grease in this country.

That was a bad analogy, I apologize, but you know what I mean: If you sit silent on the sidelines while ill-intentioned people misinterpret ancient theology books to call the shots in your life, you will be sorry.

I'm not suggesting that we all demand the outing of Spiderman or Superman, but the diversity of our own world should reflect in the comics we read. There should be more people of color, there should be characters that reflect the rich religious diversity of this country in a positive way, and non-salacious same-sex relationships should be presented and explored in a way appropriate for the readership. There are books intended for all age ranges and one or two should cater to free thinking adults.

So, come on, Marvel. Be like the human torch and, "Flame On!"

WATCH - FIDELITY HALL

I'm a big fan of new media and truly believe the web will be the host of the next wave of original broadcasting.

The problem is that there's quite a bit of crap out there.

Recently, Forces of Geek profiled Gavin Lance and now I'm happy to present another amazing webseries, Fidelity Hall.

Fidelity Hall is a sitcom about a lawyer, a dentist, an adult diaper executive and a guy who works in a cubicle, who are still hanging onto the dream of making it as a rock band even as they pass their prime.

The best part about it is that it's extremely well executed. Like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it's set in the City of Brotherly Love and was created and stars a group of friends. Fidelity Hall is a real band, played by its real members, and is a mix of scripted and improvisational dialogue. The supporting cast are both professional actors and other local musicians.

The show stars Gene Schriver, Darren Griswold, Michael Ferrara and Lem Pidlaoan and was created/written and produced by Schriver and Griswold. Mike Sterling (The Butterfly Effect II) also produced and the pilot was helmed by director Chris Bradley (Pittsburgh, John E. Edwards Is In Love).

It's a little raw at times, but it is funny, well acted and extremely entertaining. Fidelity Hall might be the best show that should be on television.

Watch the pilot after the jump

SPX 2009 and the Indy Comic Book Week 12-30-2009

The Small Press Expo was held September 26-27 this year at the Marriott Hotel in beautiful downtown Bethesda and as usual there was a terrific collection of Indy talent on hand, selling their books to an appreciative crowd of comic book fans that are not necessarily beholden to the big company output of Marvel, DC, Image and Dark Horse.

Here there are comics produced by artists that can range in presentation anywhere from xeroxed, cut and stapled zine format to beautiful handcrafted works of art to fatory produced bookstore editions. The largest publishers on hand were the likes of Oni Press, Fantagraphics Books and Adhouse.

I attended, standing behind the most recent issue of the series I created Strange Eggs, and behind the new Tumble Tap edition reprints of the Complete, Annotated Oz Squad. I also had a sampling of my previous work, including issues of Oz Squad, The Strange Eggs Graphic Novel, and Peeny-Boy mini-comics.

It was a long, fun weekend, and I met many interesting comic book fans and creators.

The Saturday night post Ignatz Award party was a crowded, drunken revelry, the discovery of a Taiwanese restaurant with the most delicious oyster pancakes and battered flounder was a real treat, and the simple act of hanging out with my friends Chris Reilly and Dave Ray was just fun.

One thing I did at his show, which is very different than anything I had done before, was visit each and every table, and try to make contact with each and every creator, and hand them a flier and give them a pitch for an event called "Indy Comic Book Week." The ICBW is the brainstorm of Vinh-Luan Luu, who realized that on December 30, 2009, the Wednesday after Christmas, Diamond Comics Distribution, in an effort to cut costs and save money, will not be shipping any new product to any of the thousands of stores world wide that depend on them for delivery. For one week, when you walk into a comic book store, with a pocket full of holiday cash and gift cards saying to your friendly comic book store proprietor, 'What's new?" the answer will be, "Nothing," unless the forces of the indy comic book world can organize to fill the shelves of receptive retailers with new product.

The idea is simple.

Retailers will have empty shelves to fill. The big companies will have nothing new to present. Customers will have money to spend. Kids will be home from college. And Indy Comic Book Week will step in to fill those shelves with he kind of interesting, new and different books that might be completely missed in the wake of some new "company-wide" zombies event or new Vertigo imprint launch.

The website for Indy Comic Book week is looking to pair retailers with creators, bypassing the near monopoly Diamond Comics has on distribution, and claiming one week for small, feisty, independent and original comics. Check out the site, download the fliers, and distribute them to retailers, small press creators, and any fans who might be interested in making this a real, vibrant event in the comics community.

RANTING ON THE OLDIES: PACKAGED TOURS WITH A QUESTIONABLE SMELL

You've seen them advertised, and perhaps you've even attended a few: The packaged oldies/nostalgic concert tour.

The tours that bring together several musical acts who had a pop hit or two back during the same decade and now have been relegated to sharing a bill with another act that they probably never had much in common with, other than coming out of a similar genre, a similar time period and a willingness to lump themselves in with these others to play at some amphitheater, local car show, or casino.


Personally, I get a twing of uneasiness whenever I hear about one of these musical extravaganza packages, and I get mortified if one of the acts happens to include a band or artist that I really really like.



I fully understand one of the primary reasons for jumping on board one of these tours—money.

Let's say that your band had a hit 20 years ago and then for whatever reason, things went south of the border: original members holding necessary creative sparks jettisoned the mothership, talent dried up due to lifestyle changes, aging or was snorted, shot up or smoked out of existence, or any other reason that would result in a loss to any bank account funds that may have been originally gained via that one hit song or some past semi successful younger days of touring.

They say a paycheck is a paycheck and for many folks, just playing music full time is a wonderful way to spend a life. I can understand that motivation, but it still doesn't mean I have to buy into it.

In the fifties and sixties it was common to have a number of bands, vocal groups or solo performers share a bill and then embark on relentless tours where each act would perform their current radio hit and perhaps a few other songs, totaling a set time of perhaps ten, fifteen and usually never longer than twenty minutes of set time with two or three shows per night. There was little doubt that the intention then was to boost record sales and gather more radio time for these acts. Factor in payolla and the cash rolled in a plenty. Usually though, these tours were still a wonder to witness, and as the above poster exemplifies, the line-ups were incredible and almost too good to be true.

Aside from the extremely high level of quality, the main difference between these classic tours, along with their close cousins, the many huge and small musical festivals such as the Newport Jazz and Folks fests, Woodstock, Monterey Pop, Lollapalooza, Ozzfest, All Tomorrow's Parties etc. and the tours that this column calls into question—the nostalgia tour—is not merely that of semantics; for me it is more a question of integrity, why the acts are touring at all, and how the tour is ultimately promoted.

The former usually had music that was being provided by artists currently in the act of creating, not coasting. I'm all for differences in style and genre appearing on the same bill and I have always relished the thought of wildly varied acts appearing alongside one another. My own personal experience in assembling a music festival used my prerequisite of juxtaposing as many varied acts as possible. I've always felt that the more different, the more stimulating an experience for an audience.

"Mr. Roboto" indeed...

A perfect example of the tours that ring of bleech would have to include the Styx/R.E.O. Speedwagon/Night Ranger triumvirate (at times the tour has also included Journey). Well, perhaps a case could be made that each of these bands had their origins as American light progressive rock chumps before the bad ballads and infomercials took over.

Sometimes truly great bands get swept up in the nonsense. As a big fan of The Psychedelic Furs, It has been disappointing to find that their last actual album was in 1991 (with only one more single studio track in 2001) yet the tours keep going, pairing them with other "stuck in the '80s" acts that paled comparatively. Lead singer Richard Butler has, however, hinted at a new album, so perhaps I will someday be able to take them off my mental list of bands relegated to only doing the dreaded nostalgia circuit.

The gastly poster for this tour.

Another package tour that smacks of wrong is that of Blondie/Pat Benatar on their current Call Me Invincible tour. Sure each act had some major hits, but that is where this ungodly pairing should have ended. Blondie not only was the first of the punk/new wave underground acts to break out with a massive single and album, "Heart Of Glass" from their Parallel Lines album, but in recent years Blondie continued to record and release new material, so I'm not sure that hanging out with Ms. Benatar's tired new wave lite-rock is something that can be looked at as anything positive, only perhaps tainting Blondie's until now, credible reputation.

Some bands, regardless of the decade they emerged from, choose not to stroll down the thorny path of bad oldies nights and boat show appearances. Perhaps they feel that whatever made them a great band in the first place stays with them throughout. Maybe they are borrowing from the paths of Bob Dylan or Neil Young, looking to their own musical heroes such as these, artists who have kept on touring and making new albums, whether liked or disliked in terms of sales or fans fair-weathered of the moment tastes.

Echo and The Bunnymen are a great example of this. Admirably, they are always pushing forward with new albums, tours of varied sized venues and a seemingly willful desire to meet any obstacle head-on (two out of the original four band members have died, and recently their unofficial longtime fifth member was also killed).

We also saw the B-52's recently. While the show was indeed at a local casino, it never smacked of a sad trip down memory lane. In fact, the venue really suited the groovy fun of the music and the band's image, they had no opening act, and recently released an album of new material. Good on 'em.

So blame tactless booking agencies who corral these artists into their money generating stables, a willing number of punters who have no problem paying to see these tours or the true culprits: greed, a loss of integrity and a lack of imagination on the part of the performers.

All I know is that I can tell a bad cheeseball tour from the moment I smell one...

One, Two...Freddy's Coming For You...NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET Teaser!

A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD


Thoughts?

The Time Capsule

My Joy Of Music

Every once in a while, I see something that just captures pure joy.

Often, it seems to be centered around music or dance. When the viral wedding march video for Jill and Kevin's Big Day was posted, it spread like wildfire across the net and social media.

Why?

It was a celebration and these days, those seem fewer and farther between. These are a few recent ones that have caught my eye and make me smile.

If you have any favorites that I missed, let me know.

(A Kind of) Ode on Autumn

September 22 marked the Autumn Equinox, or as the Pagans and Wiccans call it, Mabon.

For those not in the know, this is when there is exactly as much daylight as darkness, and every day past, one more minute of night consumes the sun, until of course, December 21, the last day of autumn and the beginning of winter, where like some witches’ spell that has been reversed, we gain one more minute of sunlight each day on into spring.

Historically, this has been a remarkable time, a time of harvest, a time of remembrance of those who have passed on before us, such as Dia de los Muertos, the ultimate Halloween.

For me, there is a physical, psychological, and emotional change that occurs when autumn arrives...

I grow more confident, more passionate, there’s nothing that doesn’t capture some degree of fascination. There’s a kind of fractured poetry in those chilled nights and smoky autumn days. I scamper, spring heeled, through the graveyards of my heart, kicking in skeleton toothed-picked fences and flying among ink-winged crows, lighting pumpkin fires on dark porches, and howling under the harvest moon, just like I was 12-years-old again.

Here are just a few things that warrant celebration in this fiery renewal season…

My daughter

On July 18, 2003, at 12:47am, my daughter, with much difficulty, finally made her way into the world, and with my two steady hands, I was able to help bring her there.

Like her mother, there was a hint of auburn hair, and in the wee morning hours, while mother and newborn slept, the name Autumn snapped to mind.

Partially based on the hint of the baby’s red hair, which actually transformed into milky blonde, the fact that our child was conceived on one autumn night the previous year in a Vermont bed & breakfast, and the name of my protagonist from a novel that I have been writing, retooling, and writing again for the better part of eight years.

And now, I have Autumn all year ‘round.

Halloween

Let’s face it—Halloween is the greatest day of the year, in the greatest month of the year, in the greatest season of the year.

Enough said.








Ray Bradbury books

OK, so there are two books that I love and cherish, both are a kind of celebration and emanation of autumn and All Hallow’s Eve.

The Halloween Tree and Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury. These are two books that I have read and re-read time and time again on steel-cold October nights. Bradbury, like no author who I have ever read, is somehow able to gather up all the witch’s dust, pumpkin vines, and candy corn and stuff his pages full. Both of these books, strangely enough, began as screenplays. Something Wicked This Way Comes was originally a screenplay, Dark Carnival, which was to be produced by actor Gene Kelly. Fortunately, the film project fell through and we were presented instead with this fine, timeless novel.



The Halloween Tree originated as a teleplay for Chuck Jones after the success of such holiday specials as How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Again, the project fell through and we received another delicious book from Mr. Bradbury. Of the films that do exist from these works, none can ever quite capture that aforementioned witch’s dust, pumpkin vines, and candy corn.

Director Sam Peckinpah (The Wild Bunch) once wanted to film one of the author’s books.

“Sam,” Bradbury asked the director, “how do you do it?”

And Peckinpah responded, “Rip the pages out of your book and stuff ‘em into the camera.”

Luckily, reading Bradbury, we can already do that, leagues ahead of digital technology, with our own magnificent “cameras,” our eyes.


Walking in leaves

Let’s not forget the proverbial autumn walks, blue shadows lying like death shrouds on yellow paths of crispy leaves.

A time for me, of falling in love, of a marriage proposal in a midnight Seattle park, and of renewed acquaintances of old friends, and “anything/nothing” conversations lasting all night and into the dawn.








Movies and TV specials

So the quintessential show to watch every autumn season is It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Accept no substitutes. The second Peanuts special to be produced after A Charlie Brown Christmas, the Great Pumpkin debuted in the year of my birth, 1966, and though 42 years old, still remains as timely and entertaining as ever.


Other notables include—Mad Monster Party, Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, The Fat Albert Halloween Special, John Carpenter’s Halloween, Sleepy Hollow, Mario Bava’s The Mask of Satan (AKA Black Sunday), E.A. Poe/Roger Corman/Vincent Price’s House of Usher and The Pit and the Pendulum, and any classic Universal Monster and Hammer Horror film that you can put your hands on.


Monster cereals

In many parts of the United States, General Mills’ monster cereals, Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry, are on the shelves year ‘round. But for most retail stores in the Pacific Northwest, we only see those delicious, colorful boxes after the Equinox.

They’re as tasty in autumn as any other time of year, but I digress.

Today, I saw the ghoulish cereal trio looming on the store shelves. It took all the will power that I could muster not to buy a $1.99 box of Count Chocula, take it home, overdose on bowl after bowl until the bright brown box was empty, and then cast myself onto the bed in a self-satisfied, chocolate marshmallow coma…

For more about cereal love, check out my July FoG column: What Happened in the 1970s, Stayed in the 1970s: A Cereal Killer’s Lament


Halloween display at Target

One tradition that my family and I share is our annual pilgrimage to Target after they put up all their Halloween displays.

It’s not so much as going and buying tons and tons of plastic seasonal stuff, I already have enough to fill three black and orange storage bins in my basement.

No, it’s just drinking in the season through the eyeballs—the skeleton hand candy dishes, the faux tombstones, the cackling electronic witch stirring the dry ice, bubbling cauldron, and one of my all-time favorites, rows upon rows of pumpkin spice candles that storm your nostrils with coppery, cinnamon scents.

This, of course, goes for every retail store that celebrates Halloween, from the seasonal costume shops that pop up like Cooger & Dark’s Pandemonium Shadow Show from the Bradbury book, only to be gone without a trace on November 1, to the mom and pop hardware stores, the few that are left, that is.

Bless your orange and black retail hearts!


Soundtracks

Being a film score aficionado and lover of “mood music,” my favorite season cannot escape its musical grasp.

There are a handful of soundtracks that really put me into the spirit, if you don’t have them, I suggest you find them, they’re all gems—The Nightmare Before Christmas and Night Breed by Danny Elfman, Candyman and The Hours by Philip Glass, The Village by James Newton Howard, Psycho and The Trouble with Harry by Bernard Herrmann, and Something Wicked This Way Comes by James Horner, just to name a few.

Also, though it’s not a soundtrack, and a bit cheesy and dated, I love the Halloween Hootenanny album that Rob Zombie put together back in 1998.

The Buffalo Bop compilations, Monster Bop and Horror Hop, also round out the season with a collection of rockabilly retro tunes.


Craven Farm

Last, but by no means least, is the annual journey to the pumpkin patch. But who can go to just any pumpkin patch? There’s this wonderful little place out in the countryside of Snohomish, Washington called Craven Farm. Every October, my family and friends load up in cars and we head out there like soldiers on a covert operation to seize every pumpkin and corn stalk that our little red wheelbarrows, provided by the farm, can carry.

The air is filled with good eats, too—spiced cider, pumpkin spice lattes, and the ethereal aroma of sweet and salty kettle corn. A season that you can taste.

And so, if there are any more of you worshippers of the darkening days, you legions of Autumn People out there, I salute you. I light my pumpkin spice candle, raise my mug of spiced cider, carve the eyes and mouth of my Jack O’ Lantern, and will take a long, red- orange-yellow leafy walk in your honor.

For we are the Denizens of the Dark, my friends…