Forces of Geek: we like pop culture: 8/1/10

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

John Hodgman's EMMYS announcements

For the second straight year, John Hodgman worked the Emmys as announcer during those long walks to the award podium.

And in true Hodgman fashion, those comments were an irreverent mixture of true fact and silly invention. Well, for the most part: word is that he had to lay off Al Pacino, and announcer Melissa Disney was brought in for more reverential fare.

Check out the announcements in full after the jump. (Hat-tip to New York Magazine.)

Okay, so the fix is only a mere ten days before Tron Legacy hits the theaters, but if you happen to be the kind of person who is counting down the minutes until the Disney flick is released (and truthfully, how many of us can honestly say that we've been looking forward to a Disney movie since we grew out of Garanimals clothes) a special edition of the PS3 and Xbox 360 game, Tron Evolution, has been announced that should satisfy your desire.

Not only do you get the game, you also will be provided with your own model light-cycle which comes with a protective case so that you can gaze at it longingly in a disturbing way that makes everyone feel uncomfortable to be around you.

The special edition retails for $130 and will be available on December 7th.

A trailer for the game is after the break.

Don't be disappointed that United States of Tara's Toni Collette didn't win the Emmy for best comedy actress. (Never mind that Edie Falco's Nurse Jackie isn't even really a comedy, and Falco herself said she's not funny after beating out Collette, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Lea Michele and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.)

Tara's about to amp up the funny for its third season. Eddie Izzard is joining the show in a major recurring role, Deadline reports.

I had a dream like this once

The snow globe. It is often the worst gift one could receive from a visiting relative. Most often it represents some vacation spot that an old aunt spent a week, or, sometimes, if you are a girl, a fancier one (which comes with a wind-up musical number...usually Laura's Theme) will be given to you on a birthday or special occasion where it will sit on a dresser gathering dust.

Because in reality, no one wants a freaking snow globe.

That is until now.

Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I'm an alcohol appreciator.

And, as such a person, I take a specific pleasure from tipping back a cold brewski after a long hard day of playing video games, writing about random Internet discoveries, and looking at Asian scat porn.

My only complaint in life is that I have to get off the couch in order to get a beer after I finish one (well that, and the fact that my downstairs neighbor is constantly cooking cabbage).

So I am gleeful that someone designed the Hops Holster 12 Can Ammo Pack for someone like me (with borderline liver failure). Thanks to the Hops Holster, I can now carry an entire twelve pack on my person and proceed to partake of the golden liquid of the Gods throughout the evening without ever having to leave the comfort of my couch.

In three weeks, the eleventh season of Dancing With The Stars will air, and once again, ABC has redefined "stars" by the loosest of standards.

Check out the contestants and the press conference after the jump and watch the two hour premiere on Monday, September 20th at 8PM EST on ABC

REAL LIFE SUPERHEROES ON PATROL!!! (a photo essay)

Back on March 13, I joined my local real life superheroes for a patrol and photographer Paul Kjelland joined us for the first part of the evening.

We had both forgotten about the pictures over the last several months, both being the busy fellows we are.

We recently remembered the missing pictures and he burned a disc for me. I am glad to premier these for the first time on Forces of Geek in a short photo essay…

After all was said and done at the Emmys, some trends shook out: AMC and HBO top the list of hardware; Mad Men still rules drama; Lost got token acknowledgment; Conan O'Brien kept his mouth shut since The Daily Show beat his short-lived Tonight Show; and Betty White kept the whole room transfixed.

But this was also the year of the freshman, at least in comedy. ABC's Modern Family took home three awards, including best comedy. And Fox's Glee took home trophies for supporting actress Jane Lynch and director Ryan Murphy.

Modern Family and Glee pretty much took over the Emmys, as the funniest bits involved both. Thanks to Glee, the Emmys had its most triumphant opener in quite some time. Any time you can get Jon Hamm to do fist-pumping choreography and return Kate Gosselin to her Dancing with the Stars glorious awfulness, you know you've got a winner. Check the video below the jump.

Hello ladies, can I have a moment of your time?

As a member of the fairer sex, I feel that it is my duty to take back the vagina from all the ho-bags, the drunken sluts and the chicks who would buy something as stupid as eyelashes for the car.

Look, we don't need to play dress up with our automobile, nor do we have to buy into all this ridiculous, sexist crap that says that in order to be attractive women we have to be the kind of person that would pay for CRYSTAL HEADLIGHT EYELINER for our freaking 1986 VW Rabbit.

Well, this is it. The end of my 30 years of gaming. It's seems so sudden, so very, very sudden. I should have told video games how much I loved them. I should have thanked them for all the years of good times.

God, if only I could do it all over again, I would have definitely played more Cosmic Ark and less Centipede. I would've kept my copy of the Atari 2600 Texas Chainsaw Massacre instead of giving it away to some asshole on my school bus. I would've put more effort into Mario Kart 64.

So many memories. So many games I should have played.

But come this fall, it's all over. And then what do I do? Read? Leave my house? Volunteer?

Christ, I can't believe it's finished.....

(The thrilling conclusion after the break)

I appreciate geek-inspired kitsch just as much as the next freak, but when I saw these shoes I had an overwhelming desire to beat up anyone wearing them.

They're just that stupid.

Now, these are still in the prototype stage which means that hopefully someone in the marketing department will take an objective look at them and say, "BURN THEM! BURN THEM WITH FIRE!" and the whole idea will be dropped immediately and the person behind their creation will be gutted all Braveheart-style.

After using Macs for nearly two decades, and experimenting with Linux for the past few years, I've settled on Windows 7 as my primary desktop OS at home.

Those who know me well are probably questioning my sanity right now and wondering if hell has frozen over.

Do you see what I see?

It's a fact that we humans have a burning desire to recognize faces in just about any random assortment of stains, patterns, or protrusions. It's just how we are wired.

So, when someone believes that Jesus or the Mother Mary has appeared to them via a burnt grilled cheese sandwich, I tend tend to giggle a bit, but don't outright think they are insane due to the whole "face" thing.

Hey people, the summer is coming to an end (I have to go back to school tomorrow!), and we all know what that means…

IT’S EMMY TIME!

As usual, E! started their coverage at 6, and it was, as usual, a whole lotta nuthin’.

Ryan Seacrest and that bobble head, Giuliana Rancic just blathered on and on about what people are wearing, and who will be the next judge on American Idol (I think Seacrest plugged that shit 45 times).

NBC started their coverage an hour before the show at 7, and I just tuned into them 5 minutes before.

TANK GIRL RISING Gets A Trailer!

Spewing filth and fury since 1988, Tank Girl, the lovechild of Alan C. Martin and Jamie "Gorillaz" Hewlett, the ransacking, rampaging, hippy chick with a piece instead of peace is back in action with a new series from Titan.

Written by Alan C. Martin and beautifully illustrated by Rufus Dayglo, Tank Girl: Bad Wind Rising will arrive in stores on November 9, 2010.

Check out the full cover and trailer after the jump and follow Tank Girl on Twitter HERE!

New WOODY ALLEN Trailer "You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger"

Woody Allen is one of the great American auteur's, so his continued work set in England is still a bit confounding.

Like all of his recent work, Allen is in writer/director mode only and has cast extremely well known actors. My favorite films of his continue to be Annie Hall, Manhattan Murder Mystery, Crimes and Misdemeanors and Broadway Danny Rose.

What work of his is your favorite?

Check out all the goods from his new film, You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger, which opens September 22nd after the jump.

Supernatural is one of the best genre shows currently on television, and is soon to begin it's sixth season!

And thanks to our friends at Titan Books, we're giving away three sets of awesome books to celebrate.

Yesterday, via his Twitter feed, John Cusack broke the news that he will be playing Edgar Allan Poe in director James McTiegue's (V for Vendetta) period detective thriller The Raven.

Thanks to the evolution of entertainment, there's no such thing as a good idea going to waste.

In 2008, Gene Hong developed Held Up as a pilot for Comedy Central. When the network passed, Sony approached Hong about the concept being used as a series for Crackle, at which point the Sklar Brothers (who had starred in the pilot) took over as writers/producers.

The series is the story of how a bored bank teller’s life is changing dramatically when two teams of off-beat robbers – disguised as Rocky I, Rocky II, Batman, and Robin – hold up his branch. The main characters are held hostage for the entire series and fall victim to the comedic version of the Stockholm Syndrome.

Held Up stars Kaitlin Olson, Cyrus Farmer, Jon Dore, and Randy and Jason Sklar.

Check out the trailer via Entertainment Weekly after the jump!

A Tribute to Kevin Brownlow

I decided to postpone the topic I was going to write about for the column this week because of some very important news that was announced yesterday which must take precedence.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced four recipients who will be receiving honorary Academy Awards in the coming ceremony, including Francis Ford Coppola, Eli Wallach, and most intriguingly, one of cinema’s true masters, Jean-Luc Godard.

However, the name on this list that has had the greatest impact on the preservation and awareness of our film heritage is Kevin Brownlow.

There has never been, to my mind, an individual more truly deserving of being honored by Hollywood, and indeed the American film industry, than Mr. Brownlow.

Like every other otaku in the '90s, I was aware of M.D. Geist.

How couldn't you be?

He was the official mascot of Central Park Media's U.S. Manga Corps label.

To some, and I'll include myself in that number, that ubiquitousness lent an air of credibility. After all, U.S. Manga Corps released some of my favorite titles, including Project A-Ko and Record of Lodoss War.*

Footage of M.D. Geist was included in the trailer at the beginning of most USMC releases, set to "Explosion" from the Project A-Ko soundtrack. I have to admit the tank and mech violence had me curious, but I never got around to seeing it on VHS or DVD.

Finally, I found it on Hulu one day and decided to give it a try. Unfortunately, there was a key piece of information I was missing, something anime fans have known about M.D. Geist for decades.

It is positively awful.

Like a Frat Party in Your Mouth, and Your Cardiologist is Invited

A few years back a friend of mine and I chipped in to buy a $300 bottle of beer. Now, it's not as ridiculous as it sounds considering it was a bottle of Samuel Adams' limited edition Utopias, which was more akin to a fine brandy which used beer as its base instead of wine and was 50 proof.

Upon cracking the collectible bottle and gently sipping it -- I discovered that it was every bit the mad scientist experiment that I expected from the mind of Jim Koch, who has something like 150 graduate degrees in the art and science of beer.

In short, it tasted horrible.

Just as I imagine these monstrosities do, despite their fried and alcoholic pedigree -- Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Deep Fried Beer Pockets:

Photo courtesy of ABC News

Just how bad can a Family Guy episode be such that Fox would keep it off the air?

After all, they were fine with Brian eating Stewie's poop in last season's finale -- the one time I've stopped watching an episode. Even Sarah Palin couldn't keep the Down's syndrome episode.

Things change when the abortion debate is thrown into the idea ball pit by Family Guy's manatee writers -- which is what happened in the episode "Partial Terms of Endearment." Fox banned the episode from airing on network TV, but now it will be for sale on DVD on Sept. 28. No word yet on digital downloads.

Bye-bye, MacGruber. So long, creepy racist Hamilton. Flap those wings, Falconer.

Best wishes, Saturday Night Live's last keeper of the batshit-crazy comedic flame. Will Forte is leaving SNL ahead of its 36th season.

Hello Mr. Stay Puft. As a delicious reminder of Ghostbusters I would like to eat you. And, if possible, could you make me as jittery as a 1950s stay-at-home mom on speed? You can? Thanks.

With 100mg of caffeine this gourmet treat from the brilliant mind of Think Geek will definitely have you cruising through your day like a kid on Jolt cola before it was banned from Junior High schools everywhere (God, I miss you Jolt).

The Newest Al Roker

It's odd to think that the man behind the album Close Calls With Brick Walls (and, more importantly my personal anthem, Pushing Drugs) is actually pretty talented as a weatherman.

It's even more impressive that when watching the video of him on FOX pointing out random temperatures in Oklahoma that I didn't even question my sobriety, I just accepted it as being "One of those things".

While it isn't as surreal as watching Triumph the Insult Comic Dog completely wrecking the reputation of a Hawaiian NBC affiliate, it is pretty weird in a good way.

The video is after the break:

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about an awesome coloring book called ABC's with David Lo Pan and now here's news that another completely bitchin' book exists on the market.

The It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: God Hates Me and My Life is Bullshit coloring book is selling for ten bucks and is waiting for you to break out your box of 64-crayolas (you know, the box that your cheap-ass parents wouldn't fork over some coin for in elementary school with the built-in sharpener) and start enhancing.

I love alcohol. No, let me rephrase that, I absolutely and completely adore the happy time elixir known as alcohol in the same way that I would hope to love a puppy one day…or maybe a kid if I got too drunk to take my birth control.

I know that it isn’t popular to embrace this particular vice today especially since television shows like Intervention and Celebrity Rehab portray drug and alcohol abusers as sad saps who sell the family dog for Meth and/or grain alcohol, but damn it, there’s something to be said for substances that make life a bit more interesting and frankly I see nothing wrong with tying a few on at the end of the day and then passing out in a pool of my own vomit.

Now, the question is: Did I start guzzling down that precious liquid out of a pathetic need to numb the emotional pain from some horrific childhood experience that I endured or perhaps to help deaden my soul because I’m a sensitive artiste who cannot deal with the abject poverty and constant rejection of being a writer?

Produced by William Packer, Michael Ealy, T.I.,
Tom Lassally, Jason Geter, Gary Gilbert
Screenplay by Peter Allen, Gabriel Casseus,
John Luessenhop, Avery Duff
Based on a Story by Gabriel Casseus, Peter Allen, John Rogers
Directed by John Luessenhop
Starring Matt Dillon, Paul Walker, Idris Elba, Jay Hernandez,
Michael Ealy, T.I., Chris Brown, Hayden Christensen,
Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Zoe Saldana, Johnathon Schaech

Takers lives up to it's title, by taking and using every possible cliche in what might be one of the worst films of the summer.

It's hard to even begin to dissect this abomination, so if you are determined enough to see this picture, be prepared for the following ten things.

(Spoilers ahead).

On October 19, 2010 Lionsgate will release Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now in stunning high definition on Blu-ray Disc and Digital Download.

Details and the trailer after the jump.

SKANKS FOR THE MEMORIES: SKA AND ME

Ah, the summer of 1993.

I was young, getting ready for my senior year of high school.

The previous six months I'd spent getting into more eclectic music. Most of my peers were caught up with either Phish or Pearl Jam. (Nirvana was still a little too edgy for most of them). Nirvana was sort of my gateway drug to local bands who were playing stuff like Nirvana if not heavier. But as a contrast to this "heavier" music, I was also introduced to ska.

Boy, did I love ska...almost as much as I loved hardcore.

(almost).

I spent most of the next year or so, going to ska shows and listening to ska. Looking back, it was pretty corny but I was 17.

I think the world has to cut me some slack, right?

(Please say "yes.")

The following is a top 10 list of my "favorite" ska songs of yesteryear. (When I say "favorite," some are still favorites, while others were favorites 17 years ago.) A lot of these songs appeared on mixtapes (actual cassettes) given to girls who eventually just wanted to be friends but always thanked me for the tape...my first taste of the backhanded compliment. I was Kevin Arnold without the voiceover.

In no particular order...

As a child, I could not handle stories with unhappy endings.

And okay - I'm not a child anymore and I often still resent stories with unhappy endings.

I mean, I can see from my mature and world-weary perspective (I am 26 years old now, after all) that not all stories can have happy endings. Further to that, not all stories should have happy endings.

But despite every effort I have made to appreciate serious cultural works, which are often darker with endings less tidy, my preferred genres are romantic comedies, chick flicks, chick lit, romance novels. I can't help it - I'm the girl who watches Titanic up until just before boat hits iceberg and then turns it off; I fear I will always be that girl.

Still - I am making every effort to learn to accept that even if an ending is sad or bittersweet, as long as it is the right ending, then it is a satisfying one.

And that a satisfying ending often is as good or better than a straight-up happy ending.

This is me, growing.

Okay, so maybe I am out of touch with the natural-food industry but even the hippies have to question a cookbook based solely on cooking with mankind's joy juice.

But that's exactly what Natural Harvest: A Selection of Semen-Based Recipes attempts to do.

Filled with 61 pages full of spunk-heavy creams, desserts and sauces all spurted onto your plate for the low, low sum of $24.95.

Yummy, doesn't that just look full of protein?

Here I am wandering aimlessly around the Internet when all of a sudden I spot artist, James Hance, who has combined two unlikely pop culture references, Winnie the Pooh and Star Wars.

Now, it doesn't sound like it would work right? But for some reason these two crazy concepts seem to fit together like chili pepper and chocolate (another weird combination that tastes awesome) and what you are left with is a boyishly cute Han Solo dragging around a Wookie doll in the 100-acre woods.

As I get older it gets harder and harder to find that perfect Hanukkah gift for my loved ones, but thanks to Hot Toys I can now order a lovely 1/6 scale replica of Col. Hans Landa to remind everyone all about WWII.

What better way to say Happy Holidays!

I've never been a fan of either reality shows or the reality competition shows simply because I have no soul and I find it impossible to connect to another human being.

But I do have a soft spot in the inky blackness of my being for those people that become so invested in the outcome of contestants and/or faux reality stars that their lives cease to exist until the season ends and they can move onto the next one.

The following video (which appears after the break) contains one of the most joy-filled expression of misplaced love ever captured on tape for a Filipino Ms. Universe contestant. I suggest you let the video load and then fast-forward to about 2:25, then sit back and let the happy run all over you.

Conan O'Brien's writing team for The Tonight Show didn't win at the Creative Emmys this past weekend. But it definitely knew how to put together some funny b-roll for the nominees.

Smallville's final season has a lot in store as Clark Kent finally makes the transformation to Superman. And like many finales, it's often time to call all the children home.

And while many may have come to know Laura Vandervoort as the fetching Lisa on V, she's now returning to Smallville as Clark's cousin Kara, who last was seen about two years ago. And yes, some Supergirl action is afoot!

Seven Billion in the Blood Bank and Counting

The Hollywood Reporter is estimating that the current vampire boom has brought $7 billion into Hollywood since 2008.

Seven. Billion. Dollars.

To put that in proper nerd perspective, that's how much Disney paid Steve Jobs for Pixar.

Unfortunately, we as consumers haven't gotten nearly the value for our money, especially when you consider what the singularity of this particular money sucking black hole is... that media juggernaut that I refuse to name, because as a friend once put it "Vampires shouldn't sparkle... Vampires should ride motorcycles and party so hard [they] hallucinate on Chinese food."

An edited strip from Subhuman a regularly hysterical webcomic from Justin Maudslien.

I am so completely in love with Isabella Rossellini and her show Green Porno that I am positive that young kids everywhere should be forced to sit in front of the boob tube and watch a grown woman dressed up as an earthworm trying to get some.

For those of you who are unaware of Green Porno, let me break it down for you: Ms. Rossellini dives into the bizarre world of animal love and, through short films (whereby she dresses up as various creatures) she proceeds to instruct her audience on the bumping of uglies that occurs when two animals love each other very much.

Awesome right?

My significant bother is a professor of Gaming and Simulation at a small college in Pennsylvania which means, at the start of every new semester he has to tell a bunch of n00bs that creating games has more to do with programming and less to do with creating big-breasted prostitutes.

By the end of the semester he loses students who thought that his class "Intro to Gaming" was gonna be 15-weeks of playing Wii and Playstation 3 for credit and he's happy about it.

I completely understand where he's coming from (seeing that I spent many nights lying away to the sound of key clicks and loud cursing coming from his office as he worked on various programs) and I hope that people recognize how much work goes into creating something that brings joy and madness to a game player's heart.

After the break you can witness the complex programming involved for yourself and then proceed to bow down before all game programmers in awe...that's where you'll usually find me.

“I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.” –Mel Brooks

As a species, human beings have a high propensity for bullshit.

Think about it. How many times has somebody fed you an awesomely unlikely story, just for the sake of it? Without any reason, or hope of benefit sometimes people just bullshit you for the hell of it. It drives me up the wall. To make matters worse, I work in an industry that not only rewards bullshit, but seemingly worships it.

Yeah, it's the baby's fault

Occasionally I follow the world of celebrity gossip when I am feeling particularly snarky and/or ripe with unjustifiable anger over another one of my essays being rejected by Playgirl magazine.

And today has revealed some hilariously surreal I-Shit-You-Not info that is so incredibly stupid that I am proud to say that I live in a country when a celebrity's lawyer can sue a company for making a commercial about a milkaholic baby named Lindsey and claim it was about their client.

Thank you America!

It's DVD Day! LOST: THE COMPLETE SIXTH SEASON! NONE BUT THE LONELY HEART! DORIAN GRAY! THE SQUARE! CITY ISLAND!

This week, we've got reviews of the final season of Lost and one of the best thrillers I've seen in some time, plus a little known Cary Grant movie, family disfunction with Andy Garcia and eternal youth!

Putting books on a shelf is, for many, a tedious task; lift, consider briefly, slide onto shelf. It can be a repetitive chore with little reward, except perhaps the satisfaction of empty boxes or better organization. But it can also do strange things to your thoughts as you create rows of tomes nestled into their new resting places. This is especially true when your books are primarily SF, fantasy, folklore and mythology, and all sorts of intellectual musings.

It struck me today, as I filled an empty bookcase, that there are few things humans enjoy more in literature than a world other than the one in front of them.

Things keep moving along for the AMC series The Walking Dead. The show premiers on Halloween, but the hype already is fierce.

The photos have been nice, and walk-on role sweepstakes is cute. But dammit, it's time for some video! Check the Comic-Con trailer below the jump.

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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

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