|Not to be confused for reality|
Hello college freshman who are filled with anticipation,
I just want to welcome you to a new stage of life where a good chunk of you will experience the wonders of STD's, alcohol poisoning and, most likely, college loan debt that will cripple your ability to make a decent living after you graduate.
Oh it's going to be fun.
At this point in your collegiate life you will be asked to choose a major that will determine your eternal fate (and which you will look back on at the age of thirty-eight and wonder why the fuck you picked it).
Now, I know that at eighteen you have this wonderful idea that you can make a difference and if you major in philosophy or the Liberal Arts, somehow this will propel you toward your goal of saving the planet or whatever.
This idea is wrong.
The only difference you are going to make in the world is whether or not you are going to suck as a human being or live quietly until you die.
Those are your actual options.
I realize this advice is scary and confusing but the video below might help you choose a path that you hate least.
And really, it's all you have to look forward to- hating your life less than the person next to you.
Source: Geeks Are Sexy