HAPPY HOLIDAY WEEKEND TO My Fellow Jews, May Your Family Only Annoy You Slightly

L' chaim!

This weekend starts the beginning to the Jewish high holy days (hello Rosh Hashanah) and if you Gentiles are confused about what that all entails, let me explain it to you this way:

Jewish New Year's begins this Sunday which basically involves a bunch of Jews eating food, yelling at one another and occasionally blowing into a horn that your grandmother has for some reason called the shofar (the horn has a religious significance but usually it just sits on an end table until someone uses it to play When the Saints Go Marching In while drunk).

This lasts until Tuesday and then the next big holiday is upon us: Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement -Sept 25th-26th (or, as I like to call it, the Get Out of Work Free holiday).

This day is marked by fasting then, irritable with hunger, you hang out with your family, screaming at one another and/or lying on the floor in the fetal position from the hunger pains, staring at the clock until sundown when you have to fight your blood kin to the death for a stale bagel.

This is followed by a bunch of other little holidays where, if you play your cards right and are employed by non-Jews, you can call out for, leading us to 8 days of presents.

So there you have it. Several months of non-stop eating, starving and gifts.

I know that it can get a bit confusing to understand why this time of year is a favorite for Jews (days off), so perhaps I can illustrate it better with a video.

It has a slow beginning (Rosh Hashanah) but then starts picking up (Yom Kippur) and finally ends with a huge tribute to awesome (Hanukkah).


Shana Tova everyone.

(video from Coilhouse)