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Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen:
CLOUD ATLAS – Circle of Life Connects All to Circle of Life

Based on a book by David Mitchell, this film explores how our actions have a ripple effect across time, effecting the far future and eventually resulting in increased payments to Bank of America’s credit card division.

Written by author David Mitchell and the screenwriting platoon of Lana Wachowski, Tom Tykwer, Andy Wachowski, and directed by Tom Tykwer, Lana Wachowski and Andy Wachowski, the production followed a template set by Thai restaurants worldwide by assigning many family members to a few tasks.

Tom Hanks, Halle Berry and several other actors play multiple-roles as we jump about in time to see how a single person’s act affects history in a different era.

Alas for Tom Hanks, he sometimes portrays younger characters.

But colorful wigs and makeup cannot hide his chubby middle-aged chin.

Reliable sources inform me that even if I’d seen this film, I would be lost. That’s because the Tykwer/Wachowski family zips around from scene to scene, century to century.

Our only anchor in all this history hopping is Tom Hank’s chin.

Basically, the film boils down to the circle of life so common in Disney animated films ala Pocahontas. For example, Pocahontas attempted to shame Englishman John Smith by pointing out his ignorance to the interconnectedness of all things. I don’t recall Smith’s response, but he should’ve answered by comparing colors of the wind to dentistry, the rule of law, and indoor plumbing.

But I veer off like a fat gull.

Mostly because I can’t think of anything else to say about Cloud Atlas. The human experience is the same across the ages. And because we’re identical there’s no difference between the ancient Egyptians and us except that they built pyramids and we created Honey Boo-Boo.



Thus everyone believes youth will never end and there’s no downside to using cash advances from your plastic at nineteen percent interest to party in Cancun.

So don’t cry when Bank of America orders you to do its laundry and be kind to guests.

Props to makeup hair and prosthetics designer Jeremy Woodhead for trying to hide Tom Hank’s chin. I’m reliably certain Jeremy grew up tough thanks to his last name.

Five stars for being incomprehensible, thus closest to real art.

A word of caution: the trailer is longer than a freight train.

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