|Thanks For Raping My Childhood Memories Sub-Par Parody of A Great Francise|
Besides the original Star Wars trilogy, has there ever been a more perfect grouping of three films than the Indiana Jones movies (all right, I'll give you that Temple of Doom wasn't spectacular but it was enjoyable right?)?
I mean, it's as if the cinematic Gods wrote the scripts themselves and then they gifted such brilliance onto us as a gesture of goodwill for having to have sat through Orca, the 1977 killer whale movie starring Bo Derek and Richard Harris while we were three years old (this might be a bit more personalized than I mean it to be).
But then something happened, a fourth Indy movie was made that negated every good memory that the fans had swaddled the trilogy in and we were left, bruised and bewildered by what we watched on the screen...was it possible that....no, it couldn't have been....that an Indiana Jones movie co-starred....gophers?...angry CG monkeys?...SHIA LA'FUCKING'BEOUF?
Did George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have no shame?
If only they had prepared us for what we were about to witness beforehand, perhaps then I wouldn't have left the theater in a suicidal state and proceeded to shame eat my way through a box of Ring Dings.
If only there had been a trailer to help me...
Yeah, that would have definitely helped.