Dear Hollywood,
It’s the season of Romance, and NO ONE did romance better then John Hughes in the betamax decade that was the 80’s.
Especially when it came to the romantic pairings of his muse, the original ginger, Molly Ringwald.
Ringwald had quite a few names in her little black book, so lets get all old school and reexamine the ones that really sizzled in the land of high waisted jeans, poofy sleeves and short but horny adolescent boys.
The So Wrong it’s Wrong Pairing.
Bender (Judd Nelson) and Claire (Molly Ringwald) in The Breakfast Club.
As classic as a classic car, out of all the hook ups in this movie (all two of them), this is the one you can imagine turning into a really exciting sexual relationship.
She’s the spoiled rich bitch who may get fat when she is older, and he is the rebellious bad boy who loves a cigarette and wears an oversized coat just because he can. Motherfucker. She wants to piss off her dad, and he wants to help her piss off her dad. There will be hot make up sex, sociopathic tricks and his abusive childhood will come into play at some point leading to a few black eyes for old Ringwald.
But at least there will never be a dull moment. It will be a hate/love relationship to rival that of Burton and Taylor.
Sure, Allison (Ally Sheedy) and Andy (Emilio Estevez) seem pretty settled on each other, but in that dull safe for work way which will lead to insomnia at 42.
Plus he only digs her after she has the “makeover,” the classic film trope that involves turning the weird looking girl into the stunner by giving her a hair brush.
The Unrequited Love Pairing
Andie (Molly Ringwald) and Duckie (Jon Cryer) in Pretty in Pink.
Ringwald stars as Andie, the snazzy dressed but economically troubled girl who has men flocking to her ginger temple because “there is just something about her.”
As a teenage girl I so hoped the good-looking popular guy would pluck me out of the crowd, rather then my more attractive friends but IT NEVER HAPPENED. Because you don’t have time to not be shallow and considerate when you have cigarettes to smoke in the parking lot and record shops to hang out in.
Like old Molly. She is poor with a dead beat terminally unemployed, yet loveable, dad and Duckie is the childhood friend who has been pining over her for YEARS.
He knows her inside out. He loves the crazy outfits she throws together, the granny chic look stolen by thousands of women roaming the streets of Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg.
Hughes created a retro Bella from Twilight, the quiet but passionate girl who actually gets noticed by the popular guy for being a little bit special, despite her social standing. She is the every woman. Or who every woman can lay her aspirations on.
But Andie doesn’t go for Duckie, despite the fact Duckie is HILARIOUS
She goes for Blaine.
My sentiments exactly Duckie.
Blaine has a terrifying smile, no discernable personality and won’t take Andie to prom because James Spader convinces him his parents won’t approve of her granny chicness. He is as bland as tapioca.
What a total douche bag.
But Ringwald ends up with him anyway. He tells her he loves her at prom, which is coming on way too strong, and Duckie lets her go because he does actually love her. WHY DUCKIE WHY
Duckie and Molly could have moved to Amsterdam and had bizarrely dressed ADHD ridden children, and rented a apartment made out of cassette tapes and flowers AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL.
The Blandest Pairing
Samantha and Jake Ryan.
Jake Ryan (Michael Schoeffling) is the popular kid with the bitchy blonde girlfriend who finds out that Samantha wants to totally do it with him.
Samantha is uncool and mortified Jake Ryan has discovered her lustful thoughts, and as if things couldn’t get ANY worse her sixteenth birthday has been totally forgotten by her family. But lucky for her Jake Ryan is a considerate type of fellow and after having barely spoken to her he decides he loves her.
He turns up outside her sisters wedding to take her for a spin in his awesome car and give her a birthday present she will never forget. A really big cake.
Personally I think Jake Ryan is dull looking and also about as interesting as tapioca, but I have chosen this hook up because I think Samantha deserves what her heart desires. Especially after her forgotten birthday.
But I do think the best scene in the movie is her sister attempting to walk down the aisle after having taken two many muscle relaxants for her period cramps.
May your Valentines have been 80’s tinged.
Love,
Ellen x
