American Horror Story returns to FX on October 8th with the newest season, Freak Show.
If preview pics and trailers are to be believed, fans are in for a season of Siamese twins, deformed handsome carnies, a bearded Annie Wilkes and a three-breasted Angela Bassett.
In other words, season four could shape up to be perhaps one of the most disturbing season’s yet.
And that saying a lot..
Before fans sink their teeth into the eagerly anticipated upcoming season, here is a quick look back on a few of the best WTF moments of the AHS and why it prides itself on being one of the most bat-shit insane series of modern television.
Poor Little Dead Girl
“Smoldering Children” Episode 10, Season 1
Turns out, teen outcast Violet was dead the whole time. Well, at least since episode six.
In Smoldering Children, Ben finds out that Violet has been “ditching school” for the past few weeks and looks into boarding schools that will accept troubled girls that are only visible to select few in a particular location.
Lovestruck-rubber enthusiast Tate decides to clue her in on her own demise by showing off her corpse, hidden under the house.
Here Comes The Son
“Open House” – Episode 7, Season 1
Running a make-shift abortion clinic our of your house might sound glamorous, but like every profession, it has it’s issues.
For example, sometimes the clientele doesn’t agree with your way in which you choose to make a living.
Part-time dentist, full-time ether fiend Charles Montgomery turned to the science that he loved after his son Thaddeus was killed and mutilate. Attempted to undo the deed, Charles created a new son out of pieces of Thaddeus and other parts the irksome doctor had around the house. While successful, the new and improved Thaddeus did little to calm his mother’s nerves, as Nora found out the painful way that breast-feeding would be a bit of a chore.
In the end, she decided that both her and her husband had to pay for their crimes against nature and took both their lives, leaving young Thaddeus to fend for himself in the basement of the Murder House.
Shelley’s Makeover
“I Am Anne Frank: Part 2” – Episode 5, Season 2
Does anyone else remember when Chloë Sevigny was the adorable intern at Sassy Magazine? Keep that in mind when you watch this.
Poor Shelley was just an adventurous girl who had no reason to be in the asylum. Had she lived in the here and now, her sexually-charged shenanigans wouldn’t have been dubbed “crazy,” “strange” or “abnormal.” In Los Angeles, we call it “Tuesday.”
But alas, she became the target of Dr. Arden’s wrath and general hatred towards most women. After amputating her legs, Herr Doktor turned her into a lumpy mutant by injecting her with unknown substances to chart her change.
In the end, Shelley was just another victim, begging for death.
Ride Along
“The Name Game,” Episode 10, Season 2
After mutilating patients, destroying lives, lobotomizing innocents, offering a helping hand to the Holocaust and aiding the Devil in bringing hell on Earth, I think it’s safe to say that most AHS viewers had grown weary of Dr. Arden’s antics.
After Sister Mary Eunice lost the battle to the Devil, the lovestruck Doctor needed to destroy the body that was once a vessel for pure evil. As the coffin made its way slowly into the incinerator, the Doctor decided to saddle up and join his beloved for a fiery forever.
Banana Fanna Fo-Fudy
“The Name Game,” Episode 10, Season 2
In the same episode as Arden’s flame out is the insane musical number, set to the song The Name Game, featuring the All-Star Briarcliff Dancers with the now-insane Sister Judy “Jude” Martin as the star of the show.
Unhinged, confused and shell of her former self due to the bolts of electricity shot through her once-keen mind, the former nun imagines a fantasy sequence fit for a Donnie and Marie holiday showcase.
Completely unexpected, the dance number is one of the many reasons why people tune in to AHS. Who doesn’t like a few surprises?
Other freaky moments from season two worth mentioning: Decorating with the dead, Pepper’s monologue, Anne Frank cameo, Killer Clause, adult breastfeeding and, of course, the aliens.
How We Met Your Mother
“The Replacements” – Episode 3, Season 3
Before Kyle became Frankenjock, a frat boy made up of the best parts of his other house brothers, he seemed like an average college knucklehead with a sweet side. He had the looks, the friends, the social standing. And apparently, a shit-ton of mommy issues.
As if returning from the dead with your buddies’ arms and legs isn’t fucking freaky enough, AHS decided to go all VC Andrews on the viewer, injecting a seemingly random and bizarre sexual relationship with his mother, who welcomes her son home in the creepiest of ways.
Things I never want to see again: A torrid kiss between Quicksilver and Wendy Beamish.
…Speaking Of Mother Issues
“The Sacred Taking” – Episode 8, Season 3
In a season filled with mean moms, Minotaur-loving moms and touching-where-the-underwear-covers moms, it takes a special snowflake to stand out among this group, but Jesus-loving Joan managed to find her own way among the AHS parental units.
Now, she didn’t lock her own daughters away for a year in the torture-room like Delphine LaLaurie, but rather, she used small everyday items to help control her son Luke, like bleach enemas.
The More, The Scarier
“The Dead” – Episode 7, Season 3
Know what’s freaky? Zombies.
Know what’s freakier? Zombie sex.
Leave it to AHS to go where The Walking Dead has been afraid to tread.
When undead hotties Kyle and Madison find out that their formerly-alive status make for good sparks, poor Zoe felt a little left out. But these adorable deadites were kind enough to invite the teen for a little playtime.
Considering her superpower consisted of a deadly vag and large floppy hats, it was probably the best offer she was going to get in a while.
Yeah. This show is weird.
Other freaky moments from season three worth mentioning: Head in a box, making of a Minotaur, finding hearts among the homeless and Stevie Nicks.
NOTE: All “freaky moments” lists should end with Stevie Nicks.
