What do John McClane, Beatrix Kiddo, and John Rambo have in common? Besides being big-screen badasses, these Hollywood action heroes shrug off bullets like mosquito bites and jump through panes of glass as if their skin is made of asbestos. But could these wounded warriors really survive such grievous injuries in the real world?
Andrew Shaffer’s Ain’t Got Time to Bleed, a new book from Insight Editions this fall, features twenty-nine hilariously grisly diagnoses of the best-known characters in the genre that will change the way you watch action movies forever. Featuring full-color illustrations that reveal how these hard-boiled icons would really look after being put through the Hollywood wringer, Ain’t Got Time to Bleed uses authentic medical research—and a dash of scathingly sardonic commentary—to assess our heroes’ chance of survival. Spoiler alert: full faculty recovery is very unlikely.