As a consumer whore I subscribe to a ton of magazines because I enjoy the tactile experience of the glossy pages sliding through my trembling fingers as I read about my various obsessions. And, occasionally, these magazines will throw in a giveaway with a monthly issue like a DVD, a CD, or even a fold out poster of Kirk Cameron (okay, so I used to have a Tiger Beat subscription in the 80s, bite me).
It was like a little thank you from the magazine for being there for them and in return I was able to feel special for a couple of minutes.
However, none of these gifts ever made me feel as “special” as the giveaway gift that the people who read Shonengahosha’s Young Comic magazine must have felt the moment the “Bukkake Ruler” fell out of the plastic bag the magazine came in.
If you are unfamiliar with the term “Bukkake” lets just say that it involves taking the practice of giving/getting a “Pearl Necklace” to an entirely new level (and if you don’t know what a “Pearl Necklace” is then you need to get on the Internet more and quit bothering me).
The ruler itself is covered in an illustration featuring an underage Manga chick looking orgasmic and is encased in a protective plastic sleeve. While this alone isn’t odd, the fact that when you press on the plastic sleeve a white, gelatinous substance begins to ooze all over the illustration is: hence, the “Bukkake Ruler” is born.
Yes, the substance is a representation of human reproductive goo and it is now covering a cartoon girl.
(and, as the title of this piece suggests, I don’t think this would be something that would be useful to your child at all, unless of course you want them to be kicked out of elementary school as a sex pervert)
And, the best part of this freebie gift? The ruler can only measure objects that are 5.9 inches long. Which means, there’s a whole bunch of dudes out there who will now get to say that their man-stick is bigger than a ruler.
Let’s just hope that Martha Stewart Living Magazine doesn’t include something like this in their magazine…although I’m sure it will be completely tasteful and the fluid similar to royal frosting watered down.