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THIS IS LIKE THE WORST NEWS EVER

Nothing beats a snow day to a school-age kid. It’s like having Summer Vacation, Your Birthday and Hanukkah (or Xmas) all wrapped up into one gigantic gift from the Gods and handed to you just because you exist.

It’s absolutely the best thing in the entire world and, like finding a mint condition copy of The Amazing Spider-Man #1 at a garage sale, it is just as sacred.

Someday, this will be nostalgic…

Or it was until the Mississinawa Valley School district in Darke County (Western Ohio) decided that students will be attending on-line classes during a snow day instead of spending the day on the couch watching cartoons.

MuthaF*ckers!

You know, just because the technology exists, it doesn’t mean that people have to screw with the natural order of the kid-friendly universe.

In fact, here’s a list of things that was once part of kid-dom but was ruined by technology:

1. The prank call:

Once a pon a time, before things like caller ID existed, an entire afternoon could be wasted by harassing random people on the phone for no other reason than because you could.

2. Your parents not knowing where you were:

Those were glorious days my friends, when children ran around without a care in the world, all because parents had no way of tracking down their children through a cell phone. I can’t tell you how many groundings I accumulated throughout my childhood (and each of them worth it) because my mother had to drive around my hometown searching for me. Sure, I might have had to spend weeks in my bedroom, but dammit! there was freedom in living an unfettered-by-the-rents life on the mean streets of suburbia.

3. We had to work a lot harder to become a slut:

Back in my day there was only one way to become a harlot, and that was by building a reputation throughout the years for being easy.

And it wasn’t as simple as sexting some football player you fancy in gym class either. You had to start at the bottom rung of whorification and work your way up the ladder. First, you had to establish your slut cred in elementary school by charging a quarter for people to look at your panties. Second, you had to french kiss a lot of people in Junior High and then let them feel up your boobs over your bra. And lastly, by the time you reached High School you were dry humping at parties until you couldn’t stand it anymore and then “Did It” thus becoming a slut.

Like I said, it took years.

And now, technology is taking away the Snow Day all in the name of “Advancement”.

Look, kids grow up so fast these days and the small reminders of youth are all they have left. So don’t take away the one thing that makes childhood worth all the crap.

Leave the Snow Day alone Ohio and instead, maybe concentrate on not being such assholes.

Thank you.

Source: The Washington Post

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