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All I Want For Christmas is THIS GUY

What I particularly love about Christmas time is Christmas movies, and what I particularly love about Christmas movies is that they teach us so many important (and realistic) things about life.

Consider this: though you may be single this Thanksgiving, by New Year’s you could have easily found your soul mate. Your bleak dating prospects and romantic misery will be entirely reversed if you simply have enough faith in the Christmas season (see: Love Actually, every made-for-TV holiday movie on the Lifetime, Hallmark or ABC Family channel).

And another gem: Christmas is a time for magic and miracles. If you believe in the true holiday spirit, your most impossible wishes will come true (see: Miracle on 34th Street, basically anything with a Santa Claus).

Using these holiday life lessons as inspiration, I have decided that this year I will ask Santa for a man.

And not just any man, but a magical conglomeration of my favorite celebrity men custom designed to be my perfect man.

If Christmas movies are to be believed, not only is this a great idea, it is almost certainly going to work!

Many years ago when I first began compiling a “Guilt-free Three” list – those celebrity men with whom I would be allowed to hook-up free from consequences should I ever meet them…should I ever have a boyfriend – my list was littered with good looking actor/musician types. It was a revolving door of Justin Timberlakes and Ryan Goslings and Christian Bales and John Stamoses.

And though part of me hated to remove my beloved Timberlake from the list (he was a perennial favorite), I have grown to appreciate a different type of man…a nerdier type of man.

My current list includes young adult writer M.T. Anderson, UK Youtube sensation Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike), and Doctor Who actor David Tennant…no…Doctor Who actor Matt Smith…no, David Tennant…or…Matt Smith maybe?

It will be from these men that I assemble my Christmas wish.

M.T. Anderson writes young adult and childrens’ books, and I’ve certainly dropped his name in this column before. I once spent several months of my life genuinely convinced that he and I would eventually get married. After reading his short story “A Brief Guide to the Ghosts of Great Britain,” I reached the conclusion that he was the only person who would ever truly understand me. I was, admittedly, in the throes of a serious existential crisis at the time and I have since gotten a bit saner about him (only a bit…I’d still for sure marry him tomorrow if he appeared on my door and asked me).

But the point of M.T. Anderson is that his books are very, very good. He has an obvious love of language, and a magical way with words. His children’s book Me, All Alone, at the End of the World spoke to my soul it was so good. He’s very dreamy. Seriously – check the man out.

So in creating my perfect man, I will take M.T. Anderson’s glasses (horn rim!), his height (tall!), his brilliant way with words, and all of his prodigious literary talent (so prodigious!).

I will leave his age (a bit too old for me at 40-ish).

We move next to Youtuber Charlie McDonnell (who is socoollike on the Youtube). I talked about him back in this other post, and how fascinated I am by his life….and how I am sort of planning to marry him as well. He’s cute and he’s nerdy and he plays the ukulele and I love his positive attitude about life. Further to all of that, I just think he and I would be really compatible.

In creating my perfect man, I will take Charlie’s British accent and voice, his floppy hair (but not with the red dye), his ukulele skills, and his purity of heart (I mean, I don’t actually know him, but he seems so pure of heart!).

I will leave his age as well (a bit too young for me at 20) and his skinniness (a bit too skinny for me at very skinny).

And finally: David Tennant. Or Matt Smith. Hmm…

Matt Smith, I’m going to go with.

David Tennant is brilliant and I genuinely love him and he’s probably always going to be my favorite Doctor. There is just something…sexier…about Matt Smith that makes me want to bring him in for this Christmas-miracle project of mine.

So I’m only a pretty new fan of Doctor Who. I just started watching about a month ago but I feel like it has been forever, so deep is my love for this show. I loved Christopher Eccleston in series one but I LURVED David Tennant right from his first moments so I was a bit nervous about Matt Smith, especially because he has an awful lot of face and I thought maybe it would be too much face when I looked at photographs.

I love him though. Lots. He has really just exactly the right amount of face! And even though I don’t know much about him beyond his work as the Doctor, I find it’s enough to get him on my list.

From Matt Smith, then, I will take his age (28 – just right!), his body (it’ll do), his face (it’s so different from the average face…and so unexpectedly nice!), his outfit (the whole elbow patches and bow tie combo makes me swoon!) and naturally, his TARDIS (my lifelong dream of time travel come true at last!)

So here we go:

Dear Santa,

This year for Christmas, I have a very special Christmas wish: I’d like you to send me a boyfriend.

He should be tall, wear horn-rimmed glasses, and write National Book Award-caliber young adult fiction. He should also be British, have floppy hair, play the ukulele and be pure of heart. Finally, he should be 28, kind of face-heavy but in a sexy sort of way, wear a bowtie and tweed coat (elbow patches a must), and be able to travel through both time and space.

I know this request is a little last minute and maybe a little impossible, but I am sure that you can do it. I saw this week’s episode of Glee, so I know that if you can help Artie walk, you can do this little thing for me. I truly believe in you and in the spirit of Christmas.


So, yeah.

That should work, right?

Maybe just as a bit of extra insurance you can also send some positive holiday vibes my way, because another thing I have learned from holiday cinema is that collective holiday spirit always gets the best results.

This is a Christmas miracle I’m looking for, and we can’t take any chances!

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