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THE WORST THING TOM HANKS EVER MADE…

Joe Versus the Volcano? No.

You’ve Got Mail? No.

Sleepless in Seattle? No, (Well maybe. And probably You’ve Got Mail too.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Tom Hanks’ son… Chet Haze a.k.a Chester Hanks.


Long story short, “West Side L.A.” is like a non-thinking man’s version of Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind.” Picture Joaquin Phoenix in I’m Still Here… only rapping on-beat mixed with a Wal-mart version of Asher Roth. (No disrespect to Asher Roth who is actually a credible rapper despite being mislabeled a frat rapper.) It seems Chet is trying to cash in on Roth’s crossover appeal in spite of not making a complete mockery of hip-hop culture… except without the mockery part.

I began thinking I’d rather Tom Hanks write a rap album based on the personas of his various characters over the years. Think about it. You could have a transvestite rapper dropping rhymes about living in an all-women’s hotel like on Bosom Buddies. You could have a cop rapping about his partner, a drooling dog (Turner and Hooch). It could be like Rick Ross meets DMX. Perhaps he could channel Jim Lovell from Apollo 13 and do some space rap. (Houston, we have a motherfuckin’ problem!)

Then I remembered this.

Oh, I see where Chet gets his rhyme skills.

On second thought, maybe I don’t need an album of Tom Hanks rapping.

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