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WE ARE NOT COOL: Real Geeks v. Hipster Geeks

There’s something really wrong here.

 I watched Felicia Day’s new video, I’m the One That’s Cool, which I suppose was created to be geek-positive and make me feel all good inside over the fact that I spend most of my time watching Ice Pirates, but it didn’t.

Instead it pissed me off.

Look, I get that comics and sci-fi and all the other things that got my ass kicked in Junior High are now cool (thanks to technology and Marvel’s pact with the Devil to change all my favorite superheroes’ character arcs) but there’s something pretty evil about the fact that the very things that I was made fun of for loving are now available as trendy wallets at Hot Topic.

Being someone that eschewed flicks like Dirty Dancing in favor of sneaking into the late show of Amazon Women on the Moon or stayed up all night to play Castlevania did not make me popular or hip, it made me an outcast that was tormented and sad.

And, the fact that I had a tricked out Apple IIe did not get me laid at all despite it being an Apple product.

But I digress, back to the video and why I hate it.

First of all, the message of I’m the One That’s Cool is supposed to pertain to the fact that we geeks are now running the universe and all the people that hurt us in high school are ass hats (and are properly called out for it by a beautiful woman…You really showed them Ms. Day!), which would be great, except for the fact that Felicia and her popular ilk are not Geeks, they’re Hipsters who have a small grasp on the various Sci-fi/Fantasy/Comics/Role-Playing activities that are popular right now.

There’s a big difference between what kids who lived through the seventies and eighties with no access to the Internet had to deal with and what Hipsters imagine that geekiness actually entails.

Which is (in an entirely truncated way):

Real geeks/nerds/dorks know that the X-men comics started to suck after issue #200 and not because of the movies, that while we like Dr. Who just fine, there’s a part of us that still likes Red Dwarf more, and that while we might be productive members of society with bank accounts and sex lives now, we are always up for a rousing game of D and D with fellow travelers on a Saturday (and not once does any one drink Pabst because it’s cool…we drink it because it is the only beer left in the fridge).

So yes, although I appreciate the fact that I can wear the Preacher T-shirt that I made way back in 1998 to celebrate my crush on Garth Ennis (writer and creator) without someone calling me a dork-cunt (yes, I have been called that), at 38 I am still that weird girl who watched a VHS copy of Star Wars every afternoon after school so that I could recite every line verbatim for no other reason than because I wanted to (virtually guaranteeing me a teen life filled with pillow practice kissing).

And I am happy for it.

While the Geek It Girls like Felicia sing about a faux dork world and pretend that they are awesome now in spite of never having lived through a swirly at thirteen for carrying around a velvet bag of multi-sided dice, the real Geeks need to remind said Hipster Geeks that when it comes to Holy Nerdom, we don’t need outside approval for our weird obsessions (or a pre-shrunk destructed t-shirt of a Mooba) , all we need is each other.

And, perhaps a pristine Atari 2600 in its original box.

Now that would be sweet.

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