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Hey Girl, remember when I was on that Nickelodeon show Are You Afraid of the Dark? back in the early nineties?

Yeah, you were sixteen and had eaten a half a pan of “Special” brownies and when I came on the screen you became uncomfortable while watching me because I was so damn cute and the more you watched the more you became convinced that I was acting just for you.

Well, you were right, I was.

Because girl, I always knew you were out there watching me and the older I got the more I wanted to show you how much your viewing habits concerning my career meant to me.

That’s why I look like this now:

All because of you.

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