Dear Hollywood,
If you put aside the patchy script, over ambitious but under explained themes, array of dodgy accents, barely developed characterization and miscasting of Guy Pearce then Prometheus was an alright film.
Pleasing on the eye, but definitely not a success.
For some (my boyfriend) it lost its way when they chose to show diegetic sound in space, for others it was when Tom Hardy’s less awesome cousin (this is a lie) kept calling Noomi Rapace babe or some such other nonsense.
Personally, I found the lack of explanations frustrating.
Even if they have this amazingly complex over-arcing mythology which will be elaborated on in the sequel (as Scott claims in this SPOILER FILLED interview), then why not elaborate on that a little more NOW in order to make a more well rounded film?
This should have been a stand-alone movie, stepping out of the lazy journalistic shadow of “it’s a Alien prequel,” bringing new and varied life to the franchise, but instead all relations to Alien seem crow barred in and everything else is a bit of a mess. What Ridley claims he had in mind for the film (and sequels) sounds most tantalising, but the script did not have the heft to carry most of these scions.
It could still have been mysterious, but with much better dialogue.
Anyhow, it can now be strewn into the sad sea of Sci-Fi films that should have been classics.
Sometimes it only takes one or two tweaks to transform a movie from also ran to having pole position in my DVD collection.
So I have built a time machine Hollywood, and I have placed myself in that time machine.
I could have discovered who assassinated JFK or whether Scarlett Johansson and Benicio Del Toro really got it on in that lift, but instead I have traveled back to audience test screenings, offering suggestions that will transform movies from alright to really great.
I change history.
Test Screening suggestions:
Alien 3
Less Newt dying so everything in Aliens doesn’t seem so pointless upon repeat viewing.
I Am Legend
If you’re going to drop hints throughout the film that the antagonists, (badly CGI’ed vampire beings) are actually quite smart, then why cop out right at the end? What’s with the whole killing them all because their trying to rescue their friend thing? Why stray from the original source materials far more fascinating and controversial finale, in which we discover that the “baddies” are capable of thoughts and feelings, and don’t appreciate the random staking Smith keeps carrying out on their loved ones.
Seems like Will Smith is the real monster here. But I guess that doesn’t sell popcorn. It might sell hot dogs though.
Paul / Cabin in the Woods
The directors may have had masturbatory fantasies about Sigourney Weaver as teenagers, but that doesn’t mean they should BOTH cast her as the shadowy head honcho unveiling herself at the end of the movie.
One cameo too many my loveable nerds. It just reminds us we are watching a film. It also makes me realize that Joss Whedon and Simon Pegg do not hang out at all, and I feel sad about that.
They would have loads in common.
Sunshine
Who is that guy at the end with the terrible skin condition?
Star Trek: The Guy Pearce Problem
Winona Ryder tries to appear older by making her voice sound a bit tired. I am unconvinced. In fact, novel idea, why don’t you just hire old people to play old people?
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy:
Please take out the offending speech that occurs roughly around 1:15. Replace it with something witty and or surreal. Thanks.
If I was filling out a test screening for Prometheus, and I could only suggest one change, I would ask for more of this.
Love,
Ellen
1 Comment