The Internet Movie Database, or IMDb, has enabled millions of people with the opportunity to never have to work for information about movies or TV shows again.
Interested in what Laura Dean, who starred in four 1997 episodes of the show, Friends, playing a character named Sophie, is doing with her career?
Before IMDb, it would take excessive internet searches, TV watching and a restraining order to find out. Now, I know that the answer to my former question is “Not much” and that, in 1986, she starred in another TV show called The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers, playing three different characters.
Had IMDb not been around, and I’d needed my Laura Dean fix, I would’ve had to wait desperately for reruns of Galaxy Rangers to come on, so that I could say “Holy shit! Sophie’s in this? Again?”
IMDb also has a feature that allows anyone to edit and add to it.
This is both a blessing and a curse.
On one hand, it gives film experts the chance to share interesting tidbits and facts about the production of certain movies.
On the other hand, it gives non-film experts the chance to explore the reasons why your favorite actor blows at his job/other dudes.
This article, however, is not about hate.
This is about additions that weren’t necessary in the first place, namely the two extra entries in the plot summary section of the page on Tobe Hooper’s direct-to-video film, Crocodile.
Let’s explore these three entries, on a sentence by sentence basis, and see which one deserves to stay, as well as the kind of movie that each sets up.
simon
A group of friends including Brady Turner, Claire and Duncan McKay go out on a boat trip on a lake in Southern California, but their joyful weekend turns into horror, when a giant killer crocodile searching for its stolen eggs, picks off anyone who gets in its way.
simon obviously researched the credits on Crocodile, because he’s the only one to list some of the character’s names. We know that they’re going on a boat trip to a lake in Southern California, which is decent exposition. We also know that, pre-crocodile, the friends were having a joyful weekend, implying that Brady Turner and Claire McKay are definitely fucking, while Duncan makes jokes in a separate room. This turns to horror, though, because a giant crocodile wants its eggs and is “picking off anyone” which is a weird way to describe the hunting process of a massive reptile. “Picking off” usually means that the method is efficient, quick and more of a sniping than a crocodile’s usual “roll noisily through the water until someone is drowned.”
Matthew Patay
Eight teenagers go out on a weekend boat trip on a remote lake in Southern California only to have it turn into a nightmare when they are stalked by a very large, monsterous man-eating crocodile after they disturb its nest, and soon they must band together in order to survive from the beast.
Matthew lets us know that the friends are teenagers, and I breathed a sigh of relief. If I hadn’t seen the movie, and I only read simon’s plot summary, I would’ve immediately assumed that a bunch of middle-aged folk were being ninja’d by a water beast. Also, it’s a “remote lake” in Matthew’s description, so that cancels out my previous hypothesis that CROCODILE was set in someone’s San Diego backyard.
Matthew also has the friend’s weekend “turn into” something, but instead of horror, it’s a “nightmare,” which is ten times worse and five times less of a genre. Matthew also spells “monstrous” wrong, so I’m already disqualifying him, since spell check nowadays is a simple as misspelling a word into Google until the right one appears. Also, Matthew tells us that the teens “disturbed its nest”, making Crocodile into a kind of Charles Bronson-esque revenge thriller.
Matthew accomplishes all of this with one sentence, which I’m impressed by. If you asked me to describe the plot of Crocodile, I’d need a whole day and an ICDb.
However, he is out of the race, due to his lack of spelling care.
Matthew Patay: ELIMINATED
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| This is the director, Tobe Hooper, who hasn’t made a good film since Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and is constantly rubbing that fact in our faces |
medic249a2
A group of teenagers take a houseboat down a river, unaware that a giant menace is lurking in the water beneath it.
Whereas Matthew and simon told the entire plot of Crocodile in their first sentences, medic249a2 takes a Kubrick approach and bides his time, only hinting that a movie entitled Crocodile will actually have any of that in it.
He too lists the cast as teenagers, but this time, it’s a houseboat. That changes everything, because now, not only are the teens probably stranded somewhere, but one of the teens has wealthy but aimless parents. medic249a2 keeps us intrigued by calling the crocodile a “giant menace lurking in the water beneath it” which means that, right now, the crocodile is under those teens. Is the crocodile just looking for its eggs, or has it been planning this all along?
simon
Can they all escape in one piece or will they slowly and painfully fall to the mammoth reptile.
simon, with his description of crocodiles and their execution techniques, makes the plot seem like that of a torture film. And while this adds depth to the plot, he immediately shoots himself in the foot by forgetting that what he is writing is a question. Sorry, simon. You had a strong opener, but I can’t tell if you’re asking me something or mocking my inability to answer “Ehh, kind of both!”
simon: ELIMINATED
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| This was Hooper’s 2nd Alligator/Crocodile movie. The first was Eaten Alive, and he learned nothing since then. |
medic249a2
When they find a nest full of eggs – to large to be those of an alligator – the terror begins.
Dammit, medic249a2. You’re the last one left in this game and you misspelled “too.” By my prior logic, that calls for immediate termination. I’m sorry, medic249a2, but while you were looking at the grand scheme of things, you forgot to add the details.
medic249a2: ELIMINATED
So, in the end, no one wins this year’s DANIEL’S CROCODILE PLOT SUMMARY GAMES.
Tobe Hooper’s Crocodile will just have to wait for its much deserved single, perfect description. Until then, watch this trailer.
It has my favorite tagline ever at the end, “GET SWALLOWED, WHOLE.” I can’t decide if it’s a sexual pun or a marketing guy accidently hitting “SEND” before he finished the email.
