Merry Christmas, everybody.
If you celebrated the day, whether religiously or as the secular-cultural juggernaut Christmas has become, I hope you had a good one and a good start so far to 2013.
The boxing days are upon us, and I have been going over the haul o’ gifts. And this daunting realization has dawned upon me: I am the worst kind of geek, the one you can’t shop for.
My tastes are very exact, my desires of products are very limited, I have most of what I want, and whatever I want, I buy myself.
If no one asks me what I want, and wants to engage in the surprise gift that showcases their thoughtfulness toward me, then they embrace risk. Whether ’tis nobler to risk getting me something I already own, or finding me something that I’d never want. This is the question.
For me, this gift trap often happens with superhero stuff.
This Christmas, I received a movie poster for Marvel’s The Avengers. A huge, 24-by-36-inch poster of Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth and the Gang.
And while it’s awesome, and I like it, my next thought was, “I’m 32 and have no desire for this.”
Doesn’t mean I don’t like it, because I do like it.
And you’re lovely and considerate enough to think of me and find me a gift, and for that I am a blessed man.
It just doesn’t quite fit into my adult-nerd life.
As I was talking it over with a friend, superhero entertainment is one of the main ways people know me. And it’s true. I like supers, and I will talk about them – their comics, history, movies – at length when brought up in discussion.
You come to my house, and their movies are in my collection, coffee table books and graphic novels are on the shelves, and there’s a bookcase is full of their action figures. I may be wearing a superhero-related graphic T-shirt, to boot.
So it’s very fair for someone to see all this and say, “He likes superhero stuff.” But here’s where I’m the worst kind of geek: I am not into most superhero stuff.
I like DC more than Marvel. I read Batman stuff, but not all of it. I don’t watch most superhero movies. The toys, statues and figurines you see? A collection gathered over nearly 20 years of items I really wanted and/or could afford.
Combine this with my general desire to buy whatever I want for myself rather than someone getting it for me, and the bottom line is that I pretty much don’t want anything.
I suck! I really do. Because I’m happy to receive any gift someone bestows. I am blessed with people kind and loving enough to give me something as a token of their love and affection for me. I am happy to get anything because, hey, I didn’t have it before.
I want someone’s satisfaction of gift-giving to be magnified exponentially by my enjoyment of that gift. I know meeting that threshold on my geek wavelength can be difficult.
If you don’t worry about that sort of thing, then good. If you do, then this column’s for you.
I’m at a point where my nerd interests and my adulthood are intersected. So much of my nerdliness – superheroes, cartoons, pop music, etc. – is tied into stuff for kids that it’s easy to fall into the trap of getting me actual kids’ stuff. But action figures can give way to maquettes, and posters graduate to lithographs.
It’s a difficult line to walk. Items from Toys R Us aren’t out of bounds, but when I go in there to check stuff out, maybe one of two things would be in the consideration pile of things to take home. I buy from there once for every 30 trips.
For example, this year I bought a remote control Dark Knight Rises Bat-Pod. Sounds like something I would buy right off the (proverbial) bat, right? Wrong. This purchase fell into a subcategory of a subcategory. There are other Batman RC toys I’ve seen and put down. This toy had sound effects and side-spinning wheels just like the movie. It wasn’t cheap. This was the one – and only one – to buy.
That’s one item with a couple of hundred other things next to it in the toy aisle. And it’s the only RC toy I’ve gotten in the past 20 years. I likely won’t want anything else like it ever again.
So, how do I prevent getting an RC Ecto-1 from Ghostbusters next Christmas? I can’t, but I can make people straight-up ask me. It’s not a faux pas to just ask a grown nerd what he wants. I have far more interests than may be apparent.
And I can get more blerdy stuff onto the list.
Birthday gifts over the years have included a boxed set of Roots on DVD, and a Nikki Giovanni book of poems. Perfect! Some Keith Knight cartoons, or a Touré book, Saul Williams’ Afro-punk albums, Harry Belafonte’s autobiography, anything about 1960s soul music or 1970s R&B, all are awesome.
Wanna stuff my stocking? Appeal to other things I’m a nerd enthusiast about!
I love to look good; select cheap and mid-level personal grooming products are always welcome.
I work out; a pack of sports socks and a sweatband for the gym, yes.
I don’t do coffee really, but I’ll take gift cards because I can get non-coffee stuff too. (I did get gift cards to the local smoothie place in my stocking this year!)
I like theatrics; stuff related to film, stagecraft, dance or costuming or acting will do (but be careful about musicals).
I’m a music nerd: musician biographies, John Coltrane retrospective, Michael Jackson stuff, it’s all good.
I do like sports. All Philly sports, most NBA and NFL. That little Phillie Phanatic figurine has my name on it.
Or, if you’re looking to combine my blerdiness and supers? That giant reproduction of the Superman vs. Muhammad Ali comic book is a perfect one-two punch.
At least something can be done about the things that don’t fit into my adult nerdhood.
At 32, I now have a lot of friends with kids. Uncle Marvin is gonna be your best friend. A shopping bag full of toys, posters and other random stuff is going to a friend’s son.
But I’m not entirely no-fun.
If you find me a kids-stuff nerd item that is crushingly whimsical, I can’t help but love it even if I have no want, use or need of it. In other words, go big.
A few Christmases ago, my now mother-in-law got me a Spider-Man figure that is 2 feet tall. He looks like a little dude in my house. He hangs out by the chaise in the living room.
One day, he’ll make a friend’s little boy or girl very happy.
I already am happy, just because she likes me enough to think of that for me.
