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65th Annual EMMY AWARDS RANT

Hey people!

I’m so sorry for the delay, but for the first time in eons, I HAD TO WORK DURING AN AWARD SHOW! So my dear friend Claire DVR’d it for me so I could see it. And after watching it, I wish she had ignore me asking her to do it.

Sorry but no pre-game show blather. I can’t afford cable so I missed the start of it all on E! at noon on Sunday. But I didn’t see any tragedies on the news or any other blogs. Ho hummm…



Okay, now I’m at Claire’s. We’re eating dinner, and she’s got a bottle of wine (she is awesome) to help me tolerate this shit.

 

AND NOW THE START OF THE SHOW!

Hmmm, it’s a kinda lame taped montage of Neil Patrick Harris (from now on, NPH) talking about watching all of the TV shows at the same time or something. Glass of wine number one is consumed. Okay, blah, blah, blah, here he is on stage, talking about hosting the show.

More blathering…and then Jimmy Kimmel interrupts to give some advice – then Jane Lynch & Jimmy Fallon tell him what he should be doing, and then Conan O’Brien comes out and saves the day with a killer monologue about what it was like to host in 2002 – WHAT, KEVIN SPACEY? Genius!

THEN they cut to Tina Fey & Amy Poehler cutting up, telling NPH he should take off his pants and “twerk” – while they are wearing 3-D glasses and eating popcorn in the front row.

Then they introduce the BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY – that Merrit Weaver won and then gave the BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEACH EVER – it went a little something like this – “Thank you so much, thank you so much…I gotta go, bye!”



She was nervous.

BEST WRITING FOR A COMEDY SERIES

Tina Fey & Tracey Wigfeld for a 30 ROCK episode



BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Tony Hale from VEEP.



Oh, here’s Robin Williams reminiscing about working with Jonathan Winters. He was a genius.

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

Julia Louis-Dreyfus from VEEP – She gave a funny speech, that included her co-worker, Tony Hale. I really dig her. Did you ever see her show, “The New Adventures Of The Old Christine?” It was great – look for the re-runs.

BEST COMEDY DIRECTING

Gail Mancuso – MODERN FAMILY

BEST LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Jim Parsons – BIG BANG THEORY
‘ya know, he’s good and all BUT NOT THAT GREAT. And the show is kinda boring. I think that making fun of geeky, nerdy, science dorks has a shelf-life. They’re already on TBS – enough already.

Awwww, Rob Reiner, saying a heartfelt goodbye to Jean Stapleton.

Here’s Matt Damon & Michael Douglas to introduce Elton John! He sang for about 20 minutes, which means that all of the winners will now have 14 seconds to make their speeches.

LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINI SERIES OR MOVIE

Laura Linney



Okay, I’m really bored, and have had 3 glasses of wine. It’s not making the show any better.

COME ON WINE!

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Anna Gunn – BREAKING BAD – I CAN’T WAIT to watch that show when it’s over. I’m SO SICK OF PEOPLE BLATHERING ON AND ON ABOUT IT. I’m sure it’s awesome – NOW SHADDAP!

Now the tribute to Corey Monteith, the drug addict guy from GLEE. It’s too bad he couldn’t keep it together.

Claire offers to fast forward through the commercials, but I want to see them because I MISS WATCHING TEE VEE SO MUCH. How sad is that?

Annnnnnnnnnnd they’re back – AND FINALLY NPH is singing and dancing! But it’s SMACK DAB in the middle of the show, which is what he’s singing and dancing about, which is a little obnoxious.
 
Oh, there’s Alec Bald…wait, THAT’S JON HAMM? What the hell happened to him, he’s HUGE! And Sarah Silverman? What the hell is going on? OH, she said “vagina.” All is right with the world.

Elton John already took up an hour, WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?

At least the show is half over. Only 90 minutes to go!

OUTSTANDING REALITY SHOW

THE VOICE – YAAAAY! FINALLY THE AMAZING RACE LOST – ohhhhh, but Mark Burnett STILL is a winner.



And now…HERE ARE THE BLACK WOMEN! Diahann Carroll & Kerry Washington!

Diahann is KILLING IT, very funny! Then she gave a nice speech about how the Emmys have been doing better with recognizing other cultures (read non-white people) I wonder why she didn’t mention Shonda Rhimes? Oh well, MAMA LOOKS GREAT! And Kerry really works that lisp of hers…YAASSSSSS!


BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Bobby Canavale – BOARDWALK EMPIRE

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Jeff Daniels – THE NEWSROOM – WHAT AN UPSET!



Here’s Don Cheadle, talking about “The Year That Was” – Kennedy killed, The March On Washington, and The Beatles on Ed Sullivan. Now, here is Carrie Underwood singing a “Yesterday” by The Beatles. YAWN. BIG WASTE OF TIME. THIS IS SO STUPID.



Here’s Jimmy Fallon with a mic that can’t stop moving up & down to introduce the nominees for

BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Claire Danes for HOMELAND. She’s a Nervous Nellie.

BEST DIRECTOR FOR A DRAMA SERIES

David Fincher – HOUSE OF CARDS

HOLY SHIT, BOB NEWHART JUST WON HIS FIRST EMMY LAST WEEK. WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THAT?

BEST WRITING FOR A VARIETY SERIES

The Colbert Report – EAT THAT JON STEWART!

THE BEST DIRECTING IN A VARIETY SERIES

Don Roy King for SNL – a Justin Timberlake episode of course Nice speech.

Here’s Michael J. Fox with his tribute to Gary David Goldberg. He seems to be shaking less, which is good for him.

OH SHIT – MORE DANCING!

For the first time, the Emmys will give the BEST CHOREOGRAPHY AWARD LIVE instead of a few weeks before. Oh hells bells, here we go with another taped segment about how they’re gonna put this together for the show with the nominated choreographers. The next award winner will have 3.6 seconds to give a speech.



Derek Hough is the winner for Dancing With The Stars. I hear that he’s a Morman. Interesting!

BEST VARIETY SERIES

The Colbert Report



Here’s Edie Falco giving a tribute to James Gandolfini. Very sad stuff. Her eyes were red already. Damn.

BEST WRITING FOR MINISERIES OR MOVIE

The Hour – Never heard of it.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

James Cromwell for American Horror Story:Asylum



And now…THOSE ARE PEOPLE WHO DIED WHO DIED, THOSE ARE PEOPLE WHO DIED WHO DIED, THOSE ARE PEOPLE WHO DIED WHO DIED, THEY WERE ALL MY FRIENDS..AND THEY DIED.
It was a long list that included 5 Black folks I’ve never heard of, and Michael Ansara.

Okay, I’m 5 glasses into this show. BORING!

BEST DIRECTING FOR MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Steven Soderbergh – BEHIND THE CANDLEABRA – YAAAAY!



BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Ellen Burstyn
I think that there’s about 20 minutes left, thank goodness!

LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Michael Douglas – his first win after 5 nominations!


He cracked two jokes about the movie being a “two hander” – and said that Matt Damon deserved half of the award, and asked if he “wanted the top or bottom half.” Ahhhhhhhhh hahahahaa – gay jokes.



BEST WRITING FOR MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Behind The Candelabra!



And as they walked up to accept the award, THE DVR SHUT OFF!

Ahhhh hahahahaaaa! I couldn’t take anymore anyway, this show was a pretty big yawn. See, this is why I LOVE the Golden Globes…at least everyone is DRUNK during the show.

Now I’m a little tipsy, and will head home.

See you soon!

Love,

Crystal

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