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KICKSTART THIS: F*ck Settlers of Catan, What I Want to Play is TERRIBLE THINGS: The Party Game Where Everyone Loses

I’m getting to be an old bastard (not to be confused with rapper Dirty Ol Bastard) which means that my “Parties” are become more of a “Let’s get drunk and play a board game”-type deal. And seeing that most of my friends are also old people, this is becoming a somewhat regular thing.

But I have to admit that I’m getting board with Donkey Kong Jenga, Settlers of Catan and Apples to Apples at this point in my gaming career and instead, I find myself longing for a game that will involve physically and mentally torturing my friends for a couple of hours (which will not, however, incorporate secretions of sexual bodily fluids of any kind…I cannot stress this enough).

And as if the Gods of Horrible Nightmares heard my prayers, a Kickstarter campaign appeared out of no where promising me a card game called Terrible Things: The Party Game Where Everyone Loses that will not only offer me the chance to participate in the very things I am dreaming about doing to my circle of pals, it also contains the promise that the night could end in an agreement of silence over what just occurred on “Game Night”.


But to own this game, you are going to have to pony up an offering to the aforementioned Gods (who go by the names of Jack Bogdan and Rob Hebert) and you are going to need to do this fast, as there is only 8 days left of fundraising and they are going to need your help to reach their goal.

And really, don’t you want to give some cash to a worthwhile product so that you and your friends can do this to one another?

And the wonderful thing about investing in a game that is certain to lead to broken friendships, are the Backer rewards.

For just a measly $5 you get a PDF of 100 cards that you can print out and play with. For $30 bucks you get a boxed version of the game and a booster pack. If you are really excited about the prospect of humiliating your buddies and give $100, you get a banned version of the game. And if you REALLY want this game to exist and have a solid chunk of cash to invest, for $6,666 Jack Bogdan and Rob Herbert will offer up their soul (complete with a certificate) for you to own.

Not a bad deal if you ask me.

So please, let’s make this happen so that I can hurt the ones I love and blame it on a card game.

Take a look at the pitch video below and then head over to the Kickstarter site to help get this funded (and to check out even more wonderfully horrible things to expect)…because I really want a chance to do these things just once in my life:

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