Even though I can picture myself in a high-collared spangled jumpsuit with elephant bellbottoms, I have no desire to join a Mojo Nixon tribute band and sing Elvis Is Everywhere.
But I can relate to the meaning of the song if we trade the jumpsuit for an oversized pair of outlandish glasses and a Donald Duck costume.
Let me explain in my usual roundabout way…
There was a guy I knew in New York City named Wild Jim. It wasn’t his real name, but it’s what we used to keep him separate from Crazy Jim and Psycho Jim, who also shared the same neighborhood turf. Wild Jim was funny and harmless. Crazy Jim and Psycho Jim were funny and dangerous. For those reasons and because the latter two know where to find me, I’ll refrain from writing about them and stick with the wild one.
Wild Jim was an entertainment complex unto himself. He had a habit of explaining things in a roundabout way (I can relate). For instance, one night he stumbled into our neighborhood watering hole complaining that his phone had woken him up from a deep sleep. After showing us a welt on his head we understood what he was trying to tell us in a roundabout way.
His girlfriend had hit him over the head with his phone after his other girlfriend called.
Make sense? There was obviously some bad mojo going on in his home turf.
Another time he was paranoid about The Beatles following him around Manhattan.
Yes, that’s what I said. John, Paul, George and Ringo wouldn’t leave him alone and he couldn’t get away from them.
Translation from Wild Jim to common sense: Every bar he had hit that night happened to be playing Beatles songs on the radio or jukebox.
Our solution to end the misery, actually the misery he was putting us through and not his, was to shove a couple bucks in our local hangout’s jukebox and jam to a medley of Fab Four tunes. It worked. The last time we saw him that night he was screaming down Third Avenue looking for the Mudd Club or CBGB’s.
Wait a minute… Forget the spangled jumpsuit or Donald Duck costume. Now I’m picturing myself in an oversized sport coat leading a Talking Heads tribute band. I’ll file that one away for a future career move.
I’ll admit (and you were warned) this was a roundabout way to setup the premise for today’s top three list. But if you’re still following this wild, dangerous and psycho thought process that has taken me back to an era when all you needed for free admission to a skid row Manhattan rock joint was to dress like a Ramone, then it could possibly make sense.
Elton John has been following me.
My radio station of choice is powered by classic rock. The Talking Heads are still considered a new act and Lady Gaga (not her real name) hasn’t even been born in our musical universe. Elvis may be The King, but he’s not the ruler of our airwaves anymore.
During a self-induced listening poll that’s been going on long enough to drive me wild… uh, crazy… oh, what the heck – psycho, I’ve put together a list of the top three classic rock artists played most often on my station of choice.
In order of popularity:
3. (Tie) Fleetwood Mac / The Eagles
2. Paul McCartney with:
a. The Beatles
b. Wings
c. Solo
1. Elton John (not his real name)
Surprised? I was too, but my nervous system doesn’t lie. In fact, lately when I walk in the house I don’t do the Ozzie Nelson, “Honey (not my wife’s real name), I’m home.” Now it’s, “I can’t believe Elton John’s on the radio again!”
At least it works better than walking in the house announcing, “The bitch is back!” I’ll file that one away for a future… well, psycho move.
Unlike Wild Jim desperately trying to find a bar without a trace of Fab on the jukebox, I’m not anxious to change the radio station. I can’t take that chance. They might be playing Lady Gaga.
Elton’s career moves have included everything from doing handstands on his piano at his U.S. debut at The Troubadour in Los Angeles, to dressing up as Donald Duck during a concert in Central Park. Thinking back, that fashion statement could’ve moved his career from wild and crazy to psycho.
Everyone from David Byrne and Elvis to Mojo Nixon and Wild Jim has worn duds worth discussing at any neighborhood hangout. But emulating characters from The Magic Kingdom never made anyone a rock star in the Kingdom of Classic Rock.
Elton has the songs to back up his Rock’n Roll Hall of Fame credentials. The problem I have is that my station of choice doesn’t always play the songs that made Elton cool in the first place. If they did, I could live with him following me around, but instead they’re driving me wild… uh, crazy… oh what the heck – psycho.
You know the cool ones I mean. Your Song, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting are the first three that come to mind. I could mention more, but in case you haven’t noticed I only work in three’s.
Except the deejays have been playing with my mind. They have Elton following me at home and in the car with a heavy rotation of three songs I can’t seem to escape and therefore deem uncool. You may not agree, but for me it’s worse than picturing Elton with webbed feet and a feather tail sticking out of a sailor suit.
So with that being said in a roundabout way, listing my top three Elton John songs wouldn’t be as much fun as traveling the wild, the crazy and the psycho route of going in the opposite direction. I’m focusing on songs played over and over… again and again… and, oh what the heck – so many times it’s making me psycho.
No. 3 – Philadelphia Freedom
The U.S. Bicentennial, tall ships, Jimmy Carter’s peanut farm – and tennis. Follow me on this 1976 memory jaunt…
Three years earlier women kicked two hundred years of male chauvinist butt when tennis pro Billy Jean King accepted Billy Riggs’ battle of the sexes tennis challenge and rocked his world on network television. Tennis was suddenly big-time and guys like Reggie Jackson and Joe Namath had to share the sports pages. By the time we fifed-and-drummed our way into The Spirit of ’76, tennis had knocked roller derby and big-time wresting onto the pre-cable television UHF stations and was being franchised out.
Billy Jean may not have been Michael Jackson’s lover, but she was bosom buddies with Elton. When Philadelphia landed a pro tennis franchise with King as the primetime star, she got Elton to pen the team’s theme song.
I guess it didn’t affect Queen Elizabeth’s judgment to grant him Knighthood later, even though Philadelphia had been part of the franchise that kicked her ancestor’s butt in a freedom match two hundred years before. Elton wrote the song, probably leaving other musicians born in the U.S.A. like Bruce Springsteen going… “Say what?”
Actually for me this one scores with a great comedy factor. Picture the family atmosphere of a World Team Tennis match in 1976 with mom, dad and the kids jumping from their seats as The Philadelphia Freedoms (their real name) led by Billy Jean King run onto the court. The team’s theme song blasts through the stadium and everyone stands and sings together in a show of team pride and unity.
Except I’ve always wondered how well the family unity held up when they hit the lyric: “Gave me a piece of mama daddy never had.”
No. 2 – Bad Blood
Granted this is credited as a comeback by Neil Sedaka, but was powered by Elton’s 1975 star-power. It hit the top of the charts and was Neil’s brightest career moment in over a decade. To translate what happened into The Wild Jim: The duet by Elton and Neil produced more fire-power than all the lit candles in Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen.
Wait a minute… that was a roundabout way to make a lousy joke. Guess I’m really passing over the line from crazy into psycho.
Sedaka’s career crashed hard during The British Invasion and his resume had a lot of empty spaces until longtime fan Elton signed him to his Rocket Records. Steering clear of anything you’d ever hear on a jukebox at CBGB’s, they produced a song that’s more Captain and Tennille than Joey and Johnny Ramone. But in the long run, it doesn’t matter.
Bad Blood by the dynamic duo is still in heavy rotation on the airwaves almost four decades later, proving Sedaka was right the first time around. Breaking up is hard to do.
No. 1 – Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart
Since 1976 most classic rockers in the U.S. have been asking the same question. Who the heck is Kiki Dee (not her real name)?
By chance, I happened to find out while reading a bio on singer Dusty Springfield. Kiki was a much-requested backup singer in England. Elton pulled her from the sidelines and into the spotlight for Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart.
It’s a song we still associate with her, even though Elton’s employed a few more recognizable stars over the years to duet with him on the same song. Most notable among that list (we won’t count The Spice Girls) were Miss Piggy and Minnie Mouse.
Kiki’s actually had quite a long career and only a couple months ago released her 40th single, Sidesteppin’ With A Soul Man (October 2013). But her star moment was in 1976 when she crossed the Atlantic in an MTV video and made a lasting fashion statement in bib overalls at the same time. I can only guess the media’s added attention to her clothes inspired Elton on what duck suit to wear in Central Park a few years later.
In my self-induced research, I also learned this was Elton’s first number one song in his homeland, which is England and not Philadelphia. It’s a catchy song with a Motown flavor, but didn’t grant Kiki freedom from the ranks of background singer. Nine years later she was singing behind Elton at Live Aid before taking us on a brief memory jaunt when she joined him at center stage for their duet on this song.
Now excuse me, my son just came home and changed the radio station. I think that’s Gaga’s latest song coming on so I’m gonna take a drive.
Just me and the radio – and Elton John, who won’t stop following me…
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