Valentine’s Day is next week and although I won’t be celebrating it (I’ll be recovering from having the nerves in my spine burned off via lasers…which I feel is a much better way to celebrate a made-up holiday) there will be millions of people searching for ways to attribute a monetary value to their feelings of affection.
And, if I weren’t such an asshole (and yes I’m married, I just hate Valentine’s Day) I would totally send the love of my loins a card filled with sentimental tropes featuring the sexiest man alive, Lando Calrissian:
Because to me, that’s how you say “I LOVE YOU” .
Of course if Lando doesn’t do it for you, artist PJ McQuade has a plethora of other V-Day cards to show off your fuzzy feelings while still maintaining a pop culture-centric lifestyle.
There’s the always popular Yoda/Cherub:
The more subdued but equally powerful Gollum:
Or, if you prefer your love to be a bit more violent and raunchy you could always express it through the re-enactment of Alabama and Clarence’s telephone booth sex:
Now, if the idea of a card terrifies you, McQuade also offers these images in sticker form, as ornaments or even in prints to lessen the implication that you are declaring your love. You are still offering a gift to the recipient on the proper day but it can’t be construed as anything remotely romantic…so win-win.
See, and you thought you were going to have to propose.