When the 34th Annual Razzie Award Nominations were unveiled recently, there was only one movie that was clearly snubbed…
Dario Argento’s DRACULA 3D
It’s likely the film slipped from inclusion among stinkers such as The Lone Ranger and After Earth because it was so low profile. Had it made the list, I’d easily be defending it for my other column on this site.
Dracula 3D is the very true definition of so-bad-it’s-good.
Naturally, then, it has been made available for Instant View on NETFLIX faster than you can ask yourself, “do I really need to add this 3D Blu-ray to my collection?”
How, might you ask, can a horror legend like Dario Argento screw up an adaptation of the quintessential vampire story?
Well, you can put this happening in the category of once-great directors delivering exceptionally bad recent work. Recently we’ve had Francis Ford Coppola return to horror with the head-scratchingly unwatchable Twixt (also streaming now on Netflix), M. Night Shyamalan’s massive flop After Earth and whatever-happened-to Renny Harlin’s The Legend of Hercules.
Dracula 3D is so far and away unrelated to the auteur’s style that nobody will mistake it for even being in the same genre as his career defining Susperia or even Four Flies on Grey Velvet.
Yet, I enjoyed seeing the movie on the big screen, in 3D, around Halloween. It also may have helped that I was hopped up on half a pack of Twizzlers and a large Cherry Coke. I loved the badness with a passion I reserve for very select hate-watch experiences.
I loved the ill-executed attempt at gothic atmosphere. I loved the Italian co-production dips into bad English dubbed dialogue. And I loved, loved, LOVED the fact that Dracula transforms into a giant insect and kills Lucy’s dad.
I shit you not. Here’s a photo…
On the down-side, there’s hardly been a less charismatic Dracula than Thomas Kretschmann’s. He’s so dry and boring he was cast immediately in the Dracula television series for NBC as Abraham Van Helsing.
Speaking of which, Rutger Hauer is a tad disappointing here as Abraham Van Helsing. He’s barely in the film, and his talent is wasted with nowhere to go.
No, it’s the cheese factor that’s truly the star of Dracula 3D. A very runny, stinky cheese that’s not to everyone’s taste.
DRACULA 3D
directed by Dario Argento
with:
Thomas Kretschmann
Rutger Hauer
Asia Argento
Giovanni Franzoni
