Okay Frank Zappa fans, settle down. I only grabbed the title from the 1968 Mothers of Invention album to use for this edition of The Classic Rocker. I haven’t heard the LP since… Well, I honestly don’t ever remember hearing it. I just always thought it was an attention grabbing title from an era of free concerts and free love, and deposited it into the mind vault for future use.
It took awhile, but right now seems like a good time. Allow me to use…
Rockers get into this roller coaster business for many reasons, including free love and paid concerts. But the ones that last longer than a novelty song or one hit wonder can claim to be called talented artistes. It’s not easy to come up with a memorable song hook, sing-along chorus, dynamic middle eight, and words that actually mean enough to inspire fans (hopefully millions) to spend their hard earned $$’s to buy the disc and make it a classic.
One of the perks from selling millions of records is depositing hard earned $$’s into the money vault. But first the funds are filtered through the record companies, producers, publishers, distributors, and other artistes that wrote the songs and styled the rocker’s hair for the cover. What’s left goes into the rocker’s bank account.
But is it enough? You would think so, but not everyone who ever had a recording contract attended classes at the London School of Economics with Mick Jagger. Most of them, like his millionaire partner Keith, cut math classes and hid out behind the gym to smoke and practice guitar.
To put this in another way, let’s say you haven’t studied for your final exam in accounting. You enter the classroom and have an opportunity to sit next to a rock star drummer or his business manager and neither one are doing anything to hide his answers. Which one would you pick to sit next to? I rest my case.
Some classic rockers were smart with their money and can afford summer homes in Margaritaville, while others are looking for gigs singing at weddings. Rumors have it Elvis was burning through his hip-shakin’ money-maker at a rate that would’ve eventually turned Graceland into The Presley Mobile Home Estates. And when Michael Jackson’s thousands of closest relations lined up for a big pay day, they ended up owing money.
That’s not to say all rock stars are destined for government payouts just to keep the music industry afloat. In fact, a good business plan that might be considered by some to be selling out can actually be another creative talent outlet and at the same time a boost in popularity for talented artistes. Mick, Keith and the other Stones recorded a commercial jingle written by Brian Jones for Rice Krispies cereal in 1963.
The paycheck probably kept them in guitar strings until Satisfaction hit two years later. Their Start Me Up commercial three decades later for Windows 95 earned enough for everyone in the group, with the exception of poor Brian, to purchase a year-round home in Margaritaville.
As a warm-up for the rock operas Tommy and Quadrophenia, the very first concept album by The Who lampooned the silly concept of product endorsements by pop singers. Their 1967 album The Who Sell Out included the hit song I Can See For Miles, along with a commercial for Heinz Baked Beans.
It certainly didn’t hurt their future careers as guitar-smashing money-makers and actually boosted their popularity by creating something different. If fans didn’t care for the music, they might have been tempted to buy the album just for the photo of Roger Daltry sitting in a bathtub full of baked beans.
The money that can be earned from doing national television commercials is tempting, but small change when compared to world tours and million sellers. So for some of the rockers that have lent their talents to seduce potential product buyers, it seems they weren’t in it just for the money. It was also a creative outlet. And like a lot of their music the results could be very entertaining, but not always memorable.
In 1967 Cream did a commercial jingle for Falstaff Beer. A year later Ray Charles and Aretha Franklin sang a duet for Coca Cola. In 1998 ZZ Top spun their guitars on camera for Honda Z and in 2001 Paul Stanley, from a band that knows a thing or two about promotions and making $$’s, threw his KISS vocals behind Folgers Coffee. Forget the caffeine. The real wake-up call would’ve been hearing Star Man telling you how to start your morning.
But most of these commercials are like one-hit wonders. We may have heard them, but nobody except die-hard fans really remember. So what is it that makes some rock star commercials more memorable than others? I believe it’s not the selling out factor, but the creative effort that goes into it.
So based on entertainment value alone and ignoring the fact that none of the following artistes were ever in danger of being evicted from Margaritaville for a doublewide at The Presley Mobile Home Estates, let’s see what classic rockers hit the top of the commercial charts.
We’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors…
No. 3 – David Bowie and Tina Turner for Pepsi
It was 1983 and Bowie had already morphed from Ziggy Stardust into The Thin White Duke. For this commercial break his recording studio persona was a pale-skinned Dr. Frankenstein who used his song Modern Love to create a wickedly dancing Tina Turner.
Luckily there was no change in her persona as she coaxed him into wickedly dancing around a Pepsi vending machine.
An additional creative outlet came from the Modern Love lyric rewrite, “Choice is mine – satisfies me!” Two years later David and Tina both satisfied Mick Jagger by wickedly dancing with him on stage during It’s Only Rock’n’ Roll (Ms. Turner) and in a video of Dancing in the Street (The Thin White Duke) during Live Aid.
No. 2 – Ringo Starr and his 3 Lads for Pizza Hut
Even today with only Paul and Ringo as the remaining members of the Fab Four, any chance of a Beatles reunion is worthy of a primetime television special. In 1995 with George needing $$’s to cover his losses after producing the major movie bomb Shanghai Express with then husband and wife Sean Penn and Madonna, they reunited with film clips of John for The Beatles Anthology. The Fabs were once again riding the top of the popularity charts and Ringo was a ready for primetime player.
Fans were tuned in and turned on when he opened the commercial by announcing it was “time.” With Pizza Hut adding cheese to their pizza crust, there was no better reason to call the “lads” and get together again. While patiently waiting behind his drum kit and eating a cheesy slice, Ringo was joined by his three mates – Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones and Peter Tork from The Monkees.
“Wrong lads!” Ringo deadpanned into the camera. Micky, Davy and Peter banded with him over the pizza and faded out to The Monkees Theme Song…
No. 1 – Pepsi Generation with Michael Jackson and The Jacksons
Just as he did during primetime by performing Billie Jean on the Motown 25th Anniversary television special in 1983, Michael got everyone movin’ and shakin’ during this epic product plug that clocks in at a minute and a half. That’s big time air considering most commercials cut after thirty seconds thanks to the average viewer’s short attention span. But just like he did with Thriller – creatively turning a music video into a short feature film – Michael broke a lot of records and sold a lot of Pepsi.
Even though the disastrous Pepsi commercial taping in 1984 that set his hair on fire and resulted in third degree burns on his face and scalp still gets more attention, this is the one Michael Maniacs should point to as a perfect melding of pop cool and Madison Avenue advertising savvy. Starting with a group of preteen street urchins doing their best ’80s moves to the infectious beat of Billie Jean and focusing on one kid decked out in his red-jacketed Thriller outfit and shades (Carlton himself, Alfonso Ribeiro), we’re given hints Michael is in the neighborhood. We see glimpses of his rhinestone socks, rhinestone glove and his brothers hanging around the street corner.
As the young Michael wannabe moonwalks to the middle of the street, he backs into the real Michael moonwalking toward the kids. This morphs into the zombie dance scene from Thriller, replacing the undead with a lively bunch of preteens and Jacksons.
It all worked out just as Pepsi had planned when they paid enough $$’s for Michael to put a down payment on his Neverland estate. He showed the world drinking Pepsi was refreshing, entertaining and fun. It’s also a time capsule of a moment when Michael Jackson was refreshing, entertaining and fun – and really was The King of Pop.
