Do you want to play a game? (Har! Har!) I know I do. Have you ever pondered to yourself “If my favorite book was to be made into a movie, who would direct and star in it?”
I know I have, sometimes on a daily basis. Horror and sci-fi fans are always reaching for movie adaptations that speak to us.
Sometimes the book to film transition can become sterilized and… well, stale, leaving genuine readers wishing for more. Even with all 26, or however many they ended up making, The Lord of the Rings flicks, there was much content left uncovered and I can’t help but recall the plethora of 12 year-old girls obsessed with Leggy-lass.
What I’m trying to say is, mainstream flicks can warp our near and dear books. Such occurrences can lead to much encouraged daydreaming.
Honestly, I think daydreaming is essential to any creative persons survival.
So, I present to you a physical manifestation of my mental survival. In this brief list, I’m going to pretend that the long arm of the mainstream monster cannot taint my beloved pipe dream flicks.
The Thief of Always by Clive Barker
Wishful Director: Clive Barker (Who else, you ninny?)
Hopeful Casting: Andy Serkis as Rictus
Who wouldn’t love to go through each of the four seasons in just one day? How about every day?
Wake up for breakfast and it’s springtime. For lunch, a summer picnic! At night, trick-or-treating is to be expected. And just before snuggling up in bed, we would open presents by the Christmas tree (unless you’re Jewish, in which case, I guess one would open a handful of gifts after supper.)
The next day?
Get up and do it all over again. That is what’s to be expected at the Holiday House. Harvey, a glum ten year old boy, who has grown tired of his boring and tedious, short life meets a man named Rictus.
Actually, Rictus comes to Harvey. Or rather he flies up to Harvey’s (second story) window.
Totally normal. He propositions Harvey to come to the Holiday House with him. Harvey agrees and is ecstatic to be living out all of his favorite holidays on the daily. Eventually, Harvey finds that… it’s difficult to leave the Holiday House. In fact, Harvey is trapped and not everything that was so sweet initially is turning out as such. And exactly how much time is passing by young Harvey?
Andy Serkis is… well, one of, if not the best, character actor around these days. I can see him taking the role of Rictus and running with it. Rictus is fiercely two faced and sharp edged. I genuinely feel like he could make it even darker than the character naturally comes off, which is pretty gosh-dern dark, mind you.
As for the role of Harvey, I’d really get a kick out of seeing an unknown. Everyone’s too damn famous these days.
Personally, I’d relish in some unknown kid really shining in the role of Harvey. Although this is a children’s fable, it’s also clearly meant for adults. With that said, I would be heart broken to see this with anything below a PG-13 rating, preferably an R.
No one knows this story better than Clive Barker does and I would adore seeing Barker go back to his Hellraiser-esque roots on this one. And if we’re really dreaming here, I would love to see Terry Gilliam on cinematography.
I imagine the childlike and spooky vibe of Coraline meets the candy-colored absurdity of Tideland.
A girl can dream, can she not?
11/22/63 by Stephen King
Wishful Director: Vince Gilligan
Hopeful Casting: Jon Hamm as Jake and Laura Dern as Sadie
Let me tell you, at nearly 1,000 pages long, 11/22/63 takes dedication.
But, my god, is it worth it. I’m a hardcore King fan and I’m genuinely astonished that this isn’t already in pre-production (and if it is, don’t tell me, let me live in ignorant bliss just a while longer).
The story revolves around Jake who, with help from Al, the owner of a local diner, finds a mini-wormhole. Of course, there’s the historical aspect to 11/22/63 (which King researched relentlessly.
He actually had the idea for this book around when his novel, Carrie (1974), came out. He waited until he knew he could handle something so intricate and historically based. Smart man.
Jake finds himself face to face with murder, the paranormal, and inevitably falls in love with an educated girl named Sadie. However, if one travels back in time, it always takes them to the same place and moment in history. So, if there’s a goof up and someone gets killed, one would have to exit the wormhole and begin all over again.
That being said there’s a lot of looping and starting over which can be trying as a reader occasionally. It’s for this reason that I think this could make a pretty stellar flick.
It’s a daunting task as a “sometimes-reader.” But, as a “sometimes-movie watcher” a two hour flick is far less of an undertaking than a multi-day endeavor. By no means does that mean skip the book and wait for a possible movie adaptation. However, if you’re (ahem) Joe Bob Americana, watching the potential flick would be better than missing this gorgeous story all together.
I would love to see Vince Gilligan take on something of this brevity. Not only is it massively long, it’s got some very heated bits that Gilligan would be perfect for. He’s fantastic with taking something slow and turning it into something wildly suspenseful. Although a lot of the book takes places in Maine, a large majority of it also takes place in Texas.
I couldn’t help imagining Jake in a stark, bright yellow scenes followed by a washed out, pale and sickly scene akin to Breaking Bad. Essentially, I had made this book into a late 1950’s and early 1960’s mashup of Breaking Bad and The X-Files in my noggin.
I chose Jon Hamm because Jake’s character has some very weak moments, as well as some very triumphant, strong ones. As we’ve seen with Don Draper, Hamm could definitely grab ahold of those reins and ride with it.
As for supporting role, I am very attached to Sadie and her character. She had a strict upbringing, survived being a battered woman, and of course she’s an intelligent librarian. There are portions of Sadie that all women could see themselves reflected in. When King described her as having blonde hair and beautiful dresses, immediately Laura Dern via Blue Velvet popped into my head.
This is one of the few times where I imagined an actor (or actress) as a character in a book. Honestly, I don’t think I could ever see anyone else as Sadie. Seeing as Dern isn’t getting any younger, I’m not sure how well she’d pull off a young librarian.
But, hey, if we could find a wormhole somewhere around here… (rummages under cushions on couch)
In the Woods by Tana French
Wishful Director: David Lynch
Hopeful Casting: Christian Bale as Rob
Although it won the Edgar Award in 2008, In the Woods has yet to gain the traction it truly deserves. I work at a library (No surprise to you, I’m sure) and we keep it under the general fiction section.
However, if I had to label it, I would categorize it as a psychological mystery wrought with horror and suspense. Oh, and with a splash of the paranormal in there, too. YEAH. How have you not read this yet? (Gasps) Alright, I’m verklempt. The reason I sing such high praises of this book is because it’s a modern and beautifully woven take on the “child gone missing” story
.
Set in Ireland, our story begins with a little boy, Adam, who one day vanishes in the woods (go figure!) and all that remains of him are his sneakers… filled and oozing with blood.
Here’s the clincher, Adam wasn’t alone that day. He had friends with him and one of Adam’s friends, Rob, grows up to become a detective. Haunted by what happened to his childhood friend, the core of his being becomes frigid and nearly inaccessible. Rob is assigned to a case, all to similar to that of his friend, will he finally find out who (or what) stole Adam’s life?
As for acting Rob? It’s difficult for me to say. When I read, I tend to make up characters and their features, not based on those in real life. It’s probably why I get so attached to book adaptations.
However…
…Christian Bale (á la American Psycho era) is probably closest. Kind of smarmy, but still rugged or whatever it is that women like. He’s cold, but occasionally vulnerable, much like Patrick Bateman.
The character, Rob, is actually from the U.K., so it would make perfect sense to have an actor with the same heritage and overall mannerisms. Let me clarify, not all people from the U.K. act the same, I’m just saying, having an accurate accent wouldn’t kill anyone.
I was blown away to find out that this was Tana French’s debut novel.
I have since followed her work very closely as I feel an immense attraction to her writing style and use of graphic and vivid imagery. She now has four novels, every one intertwined with the last, but each with a noticeably different vibe. French also makes some pretty transparent Twin Peaks references (for Christ’s sake, the medical examiners name is Cooper!) and throughout each of the books there are more TP nods to be found.
So, how could I say no to my brain when it said, “Have David Lynch direct this pipe dream book to movie shindig!” A lot of the darker vibes are consistent with that of Lynch. I could imagine him going down some trippy, miserable Inland Empire road in portions of the novel.
Ugh, if I had copious amounts of money, I would just throw it at him until he would make my wish come true.
Now, most important of all, even if In the Woods never sees the screen, it is detrimental that you consider reading this. Especially if you’re a fan of horror, mystery, or suspense.
Alright, I’ll leave you with this little tidbit: every person I’ve ever recommended this to (and boy howdy, it’s more than a handful) has adored it.
So, do what you will with that information, oh, my learned reader!
