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BEVERLY HILLS TEENS: Flashback to Cartoons For The 1%

Beverly Hills; where power, money and fame bind into a coagulated soup of horrors the likes of which you will never comprehend.

It’s fast living, cheap sex, unlimited pills and relentless wealth.

… and Adam Levine.

Always look out for Levine.

Oh, don’t believe me? Think I’m exaggerating? Think I’m being overly negative?

Well, don’t take my word for it; I saw it all unfold on my YouTube account this weekend and you can do the same. Simply look up three little words:

Beverly Hills Teens

Debuting in 1987, Beverly Hills Teens was a short-lived cartoon series revolving around a group of teenagers living the high life in Beverly Hills. The series was developed as an answer to the overly-militaristic cartoons that were showing at the time (see: G.I. Joe, ThunderCats, etc.); essentially, it’s a “character driven” show with wholesome themes and personalities.



As producer and president of Access Syndicate, Ritch Colbert, stated: “[…] they may be rather more wealthy than most teenagers, but they have typical teenagers’ problems and the important thing is they are fully realized personalities.” Personalities that have stretch limos with Jacuzzis in the back, private beaches with wave machines and self-aware AI’s that help their quest to find chicks.

The Beverly Hills Teens series showcased a group of ridiculously affluent Beverly Hills, well, teens on their various adventures. Most of the time, they were doing something outrageously corny like surf competitions, fashion shows, yacht races, and many, many, many dances.

The main plotlines usually involved the ever-snooty Bianca trying to gain the love of the thick-headed Troy from the super-perky Larke.

 Inevitably, they would need an invention from the nerdy kid of the group, Chester, and somehow Pierce, the cartoon equivalent of Scott Disick (you know, that douche that married one of the 82 Kardashians?) would do something stupid.

The supporting cast would try to carry some sort of “C” story but most of the time they would just be there for set-dressing, occasionally cracking a line that lock steps to their quirky character traits.
However, scratch the surgery, high-gloss surface we can see these spoiled deviants’ true colors.

For example:

Episode 5 “Robot Romance” includes a cybersex doll that Chester creates for his wildest fantasies. Sure, he says he made it as a date for the “Spring Fling” dance, but we all know what that freaky bastard did to that poor automaton during the testing phase.

Episode 13 “Visit from the Prince” has an obvious allusion to the sex trafficking menace that haunts humanity when a prince decides to kidnap one of the girls to a “Royal Ball” – and we all know what happens at THOSE sorts of parties.

Episode 33 “Take My Hostage, Please!” is an abhorrent example of Bianca’s twisted mind as she plans to fake a hostage situation to gain the love of her crush, Troy.

And these are just a FEW instances! Beverly Hills Teens truly is a true look at the wickedness of the Beverly Hills elites.

Observing this show through reviewer glasses, Beverly Hills Teens is SORT of like the horrible bastard child of Jem and the Holograms and Betty and Veronica by way of the Burger King Kids Club.

Unless you REALLY liked this show as a kid, I would, like, TOTALLY skip this one, for sure.

But really, what’s not to like?

Now back to my dissertation on the hyper-sexualized Freudian influences found in Fraggle Rock.

Until next time…

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