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Emoji Masks…Because We Need Even More Reasons To Hate Ourselves (A Rant)

What Emoji is this?

Between sexualizing children’s television characters or appropriating another culture so that we can show off our boobs or knobs,  I had to wonder if our self-loathing had finally reached its peak…and then I saw this:

Yep, those are emoji masks, because apparently we are in that deep, dark place within our souls when wearing a smiling turd upon our visage is as close to admitting that we need help as a species as we are going to get.

Oh dear god, can someone please help me?

And better yet, we can pay someone $5 for the pleasure of sending it to our home (because finding a template on the internet would be too time consuming).

Granted, it isn’t a slutty emoji so perhaps that’s something to be grateful for, but still, here we are, trying to decide which contemporary hieroglyphic best represents our self in the hopes that our friends and co-workers might think of us as hip and trendy (although what will most likely happen is that someone in HR will email us the number to an insurance-approved therapist so as not to subject the company to a lawsuit after we completely fall apart and threaten to kill everyone).

But do we really need to go this far?

Wouldn’t it be better to not participate in the holiday if our options are limited to dressing as a slutty cast member from Frozen or as a Sly Guy Emoji?

Well? Wouldn’t it?

I don’t know, maybe I just need to lie down or something…is there an emoji mask for the emotion of deeply depressed?

Source: IIHIH

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