You love your favorite television show.
You watch it each week, re-watch it on DVR sans the commercials, talk about it in the Reddit forums, defend it on IMDb, chat about it at work and write fan fiction under a pseudonym of your sixth-grade bully.
Yes, your passion for that hour-long drama is no longer endearing. It drives everyone you know insane and causes all your friends to think you might be two beers short of a six-pack. You are no longer a little nuts about your love for the kooky cast of characters, but you have been elected the mayor of Crazytown.
So why not take it further?
It’s time to kick you obsession into gear and build a vacation around it. Take a tour of a strange, new city by forgoing all the boring shit like museums, public parks and cultural centers by learning more about your favorite show.
After all, wasn’t it Mark Twain who once so aptly stated, “Culture schmulture.”
Or something like that. I don’t know. I wasn’t great in school.
Aliens, atomic test sites, the rich and detailed history of the Navajo nation…it’s all bullshit when you get the chance to visit Los Pollos Hermanos or buy light blue rock candy from and Old Town confectionery.
Several Breaking Bad tours have popped up over the last few years, each offer their own perspective and must-see sites of the mighty Heisenberg. The Bad Tour will take you to the White family home, Walt’s condo, Saul’s law office, The Crossroads Motel and give you the opportunity to dine on some tasty, tasty meth-free chicken.
If you wish to do it yourself, there is a breakdown of all the site and locations of Breaking Bad available for use, but it does ask politely to please refrain from throwing pizzas on the top of residential homes. This list of must-see places includes the car wash, the nursing home and a few of Marie’s shoplifting haunts.
Pawn Stars Tour – Las Vegas, Nevada
Gambling is overrated and the Strip is for rookies. Real Vegas is found beneath the glass of display shelves, where folks paid ten cents on the dollar for people’s shattered lives.
Now you can visit the locations of the hit* History Channel reality show Pawn Stars. Trek on over to Gold & Silver Pawn Shop, where cast members cash in on the desperation and sadness of others as they sell their prized possessions.
You can also visit Counts Kustoms, where scary ex-cons work on restoring motorcycles and hot rods.
For an added bonus, you will receive a “Pawn Stars” gift at the end of your tour!
And remember: if you’re not careful, you just might learn something. Something sad.
(*This has not been verified.)
The Wire Tour – Baltimore, Maryland
So, this is a thing.
Now you can get the chance of recreating your favorite Omar moments by visiting local grocers in your bathrobe while hunting for drug dealers and Honey Nut Cheerios.
Several do-it-yourself driving tours offered online span 50-something miles of Baltimore and some take roughly take the entire day to complete. During that time, you can visit the murder site of Snot Boogie, a perfect starting point for both the series and your tour. Along the way, visit Bubble’s soup kitchen and AA meeting hall, the Pit, Bethel Church and so much more.
The whole family will enjoy this outing based on one of HBO’s most grittiest and hard-hitting shows.
The Duck Dynasty Tour – New Orleans, Louisiana
Sure the show is long gone, but the legacy of long beards, feathered death and good, old-fashioned misquoting of the scripture will live on in our hearts forever.
Put together by Roadtrippers, fans can start as Duck Commander, the birthplace of the Robinson empire. From there, visit their local church, breath in the fumes at the Twin City Motorsports Park and enjoy a mouthful of roasted critter at Danken’s BBQ.
The Gossip Girl Tour – New York, New York
Walk in the footsteps of the most powerful highschoolers of primetime with this Gossip Girl tour from On Location Tours.
Take hundreds upon hundreds of selfies while on the steps of the Met, at St. Jude’s school, at Grand Central Station as your pretend to be Serena and Chuck’s home away from home at the Empire Hotel.
The Sopranos Tour/Sex and the City Tour – New York, New York
While these HBO staples might be long gone, their fandom lives on forever.
On The Sopranos tour, fans can visit the Bada Bing to catch a dance, see many of the locations briefly glimpsed in the opening credits and take a trip to the restaurants where they can relive their disappoint with the series finale.
Day drinkers and women with unrealistic expectations of love and city living can live a day in the life of Carrie Bradshaw with the Sex and the City tour.
On this jaunt around the city, City fans can visit Carrie’s brownstone, shop in extremely expensive Village stores, see the sex shop where Charlotte bought her Rabbit and drink.
Would you prefer a different City experience? There are literally dozens of walking tours to choose from. Enjoy. And remember, if you opt of go on more than one, you are a bad person.
(Sidenote: When these two walking tours meet up in the mean streets of New York, they go into full West Side Story street gang mode, complete with snapping fingers and switchblades. This is absolutely true. Shut up.)
The Miami Vice Miami Speedboat Tour – Miami, Florida
Boot up the Jan Hammer theme song, get out the cocktail and a iron your pastel jacket, it’s time to see the great city of Miami the only way you should: by motor boat.
Recreate the opening credits of Miami Vice as the Thriller Miami Speedboat Tour races down South Beach to offer a blurry view of the Art Deco area, Fisher Island and Star Island.
Yes, it’s all the sights and sounds that Crockett and Tubbs made famous, but really hard to see since your are going past them in a speedboat.
I’m not going to lie. This sounds friggin’ amazing. I am sad I can’t do this right now and/or every day.