Like most of us in our youth, I spent quite a bit of time in front of the television; planted there by two working parents and general lack of responsibility. No complaints here – most of us experienced this.
However, unless you were born before DVR, you had to endure what so many children today never had:
Commercials of days past.
So, today, I’m going to go on YouTube, type in 80s and 90s Commercials and review what I see.
First off, I’m surprised at how many of these commercials still exist. Sure, it was the time of VCRs so some of these things had to be salvaged but good goddamn; there are 144 volumes of 10 minute videos on one channel alone.
Jesus, that’s 1,440 minutes of commercials!
I immediately noticed are how many commercials there are for vans. Chryslers, Dodges, Fords… I can’t believe how popular vans were. Take a moment and think this over for a second; when was the last time you saw an advert for a van? Not an SUV or “cross-over,” but an honest-to-goodness van?
Also take into account the fact that all of these vans were absolutely hideous – I mean, it seems to me that these are the kinds of vehicles families saw at the dealership, shrugged, and just kind of said, “Whatever, it fits my brood and groceries okay. Hand over those keys.”
Were families so desperate back then to give up ANY aesthetics at all just to shovel in their kids and things in something that resembles a shoebox with wheels?
The second thing I noticed was the sheer number of Slim Fast commercials. You remember those, right?
The company still exists; it just seems to me that they were all over the place back then. In the span of 20 minutes, I had Mel Tormé, Tommy Lasorda, Oprah Winfrey, Sally Struthers, and many more telling me how “a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner” helped them lose “X” amount of weight.
I’m not a dietitian and I’m not exactly in spectacular shape, but I have a feeling that most of these folks probably had professional help in battling their bulge.
I noticed something else whilst watching these classic commercials: all of the adverts for fast food places, whether that’s Long John Silvers, Wendy’s, Pizza Hut, or even McDonald’s had a “home town” restaurant theme. They would always include families sitting together at some fiberglass table, all enjoying their meals as if it were their living room. No wonder we have such a huge problem with obesity in this country; children that have grown up at this point were raised with the illusion that these places were a great place to bring their families.
However, I will say that those McDonald’s Halloween Pumpkins were sweet.
One positive thing I noticed is that this truly was the golden age for toys. You see, although videogames where a thing, they were nowhere near as popular as they are now; hence, why there were so many epic toys for kids. From outdoor toys (like Nerf guns, Slip and Slides, Super Soakers) to action figures, to even dolls and learning toys… the commercials wouldn’t stop.
Also, the realization that we are no longer bound to pay phones. Between 1-800-COLLECT, 1-800-CALLATT, phone cards, and beepers, it’s kind of cool to realize that we no longer need to carry some change in our pockets if we’re out to call someone if things were going late. It’s almost wholesome to see people running through airports to get to a pay phone or even using a house phone to call a loved one.
And, before I go, there’s one last thing that stood out for me:
What was up with all the ads for milk? Every fourth or fifth ad was about drinking your milk. Did the American Dairy Association have THAT much power?
Anyway, I’m pretty done with ads – two hours in and all I want to do is play with my M.A.S.K. toys, chew some Bubble Tape, and get a new Maytag at Woolworth’s.
Until next time…
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