I remember the first time I read a Choose Your Own Adventure. It was the very first title released, The Cave of Time.
It was the first of many adventures the series would lead me on. The Cave of Time promised an exciting adventure to my eleven year old self. I opened the book and found myself hiking in Snake Canyon, lost in a dimly lit cave, The Cave of Time. I was able to make out two passageways; one curved downward to the right, the other led upward to the left. I realized that the one leading down might go to the past and the one leading up might lead to the future.
What was I to do? What path would I take?
It really didn’t matter. For some reason I either wound up getting eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex or aboard an alien space craft (and though the book didn’t spell it out, I’m betting there was some uncomfortable probing…)
Now, thirty plus years later, I’ve had the opportunity to revisit a number of more realistic bad decisions with the equally entertaining Choose Your Own Misery: The Office Adventure.
Check out an exclusive excerpt after the jump and come back on Friday for an interview with writers Mike MacDonald and Jilly Gagnon!
Okay, so at this point in the story you’ve woken up with a hangover so intense that you don’t even have the energy to be ashamed of the pool of urine around your crotch in the bed. But of course it’s a work day.
You called in early, hoping to leave a cowardly “I’m out sick” message on the answering system, but Betsy, the ancient receptionist, answered, reminding you that you have no sick days, and only one vacation day, left. Trying to prove to her that you’re actually sick, not just suffering from the “Irish flu” as she put it, you claim you have bronchitis.
Betsy is clearly horrified at the prospect, and mainly to calm her old lady nerves (though also in the hopes that it will get you the day off for free, or at least unpaid but without questions), you agree to call the doctor’s office for a test.
Remember to make good choices, because you never know what consequences your actions will incur…
Fortunately, the word “bronchitis” gets you an appointment almost immediately. Apparently everyone but you thinks it’s a “real” disease. You head into the doctor’s office for the test.
“So what can we do for you today?” your doctor says, studiously avoiding eye contact.
“Well, what have you got for hangovers?” You chuckle weakly, but your doctor is looking at you with the mixture of pity and disgust that you’ve come to expect from him. Why haven’t you switched doctors yet?
“I’m kidding, just kidding,” you say. “I’m actually here for a bronchitis test.”
The doctor has you open wide.
“I don’t see any signs of bronchitis. Or redness, or irritation, for that matter. Frankly, if I didn’t know better, I’d assume you have no reason to be here whatsoever.” He sneers at you. “Either way, I think you’re in the clear.”
“Would you mind just doing a swab? And maybe writing me a note? It’s a long story, but my work needs to know I don’t have bronchitis… for sure.”
The doctor rolls his eyes exaggeratedly, but he swabs your throat.
“Anything else you’ve been having problems with?” he says, already halfway to the door.
“Just running into stuff. The usual,” you quip.
“What do you mean?” He sits back down, looking at you with concern. It may be the first time you’ve ever seen the look on his face.
“Oh, nothing. I’ve just had this weird lump on my back for the last few weeks, but I’m pretty sure it’s just me being a klutz. I probably banged myself on a doorknob or something.”
“Still, that shouldn’t take more than a few days to heal. We could be looking at a sub-dermal hematoma, or even something worse. Can I take a look?”
“Sure, of course, but it’s really nothing,” you say, raising your shirt and spinning so the doctor can see.
“Hmmm. That’s not good,” he mutters.
“Not good how?”
“Well I’m not sure. But I’d like to take a small sample and send it to the lab for some tests.”
Of course. That’s what you get for telling your doctor the truth.
If you head home to fret over WebMD for the rest of the day, CLICK HERE
If you head into the office to distract yourself and salvage your sick day, CLICK HERE