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Playing The Nerd Card

There are many nerd types out there and I bet that most of them are not viewed as nerds by the vast majority of people… yet they are nerds all the same. The term nerd has evolved into anything where one takes a protracted and hard-lined interest in a subject or genre.

Most of you are an “Insert NERD Something” about something and that right there should tell you how far this term as expanded and been rewritten by time and society.

 

RPG (Role Playing Game) Nerd

“Everything I know about courage I learned from Role Playing Games”

The Role Playing Nerd is the kind that always has a D20 on them (and if you know what a D20 is then you are most likely one of these). They give themselves stats and hit points (400 hit points and maximum charisma). When they trip and fall they do a saving throw. Stacks of Dungeon Masters guides and character sheets litter their living space and walking down the street requires a stick to poke the ground… checking for traps don’t ya know.

 

Movie Nerd

“Star Wars borrowed from a long tradition of Kafka inspired theft”

The movie nerd knows the background actors from every film Orson Welles ever watched in the theater let alone had a hand in the production of. They don’t watch a film for simple things that entertain an average cretin, no the film nerds watches for subtext, for symbolism and most of all for the deeper meaning that film shines on the world of darkness by offering a ray of light from the mundane and the ordinary.   The movie nerd sees not film but sees worlds heretofore unrealized which make life worth living… that or a movie nerd is just someone that really, really likes movies… either way.

 

Book Nerds

“Books whisk you away to a place where imagination flows free and there are no restrictions… ow, damn paper cuts”

The book nerd reads printed words more than they speak verbal words. They embrace the simplicity of the printed word while chastising the complexity of those very same words. They always think the book was better than the movie even if the book in question was never made into a movie… the book IS JUST THAT AMAZING AND PROFOUND. They look down on those that don’t read and weep at the sight of textese. They know the meaning of words unspoken by human lips in 200 centuries and they aim to keep it that way, it’s far more special like that and the book nerd requires the feeling of special.

 

Sports Nerds

“Brett Favre could never out throw Barry Bonds even if Bonds was off the juice and Favre was not hitting on the cheerleaders”.

Ah the Sports nerd. The Sports nerd never, even in the slightest degree, considers himself a nerd of any variety, no, the sports nerd is a real man that likes to watch other men roll around with one another while getting all sweaty and then reaching for balls and… *cough* well you get the idea. The sports nerd knows all the stats, knows all the players, all the back ups, everyone that ever looked at the team of (insert sportsball activity here) and does it all with the smug assurance that he is not a nerd… not like that “Star Trek” geek over there that knows all the stardates of the episodes, knows all the dead red shirts and knows all of the call numbers for every Constellation Class Starship ever.   Nope, not even remotely like that guy. Nope. Oh and shut up… Fantasy Football is not just D&D for real men. SHUT UP NERD!

 

Computer Nerds

“Sigh, you right clicked on the dll when you should have double clicked on the exe”.

You are one of these guys if you knew what a dll or an exe was without having to google it. The computer nerd knows and cares more about a hard drive then a hard body. They hold tightly onto the simulated world so much so that they are excluded from real life. Contact with humans is a cause to panic but damn it they are a god on 4chan. They can fix your computer in mere moments with a few clicks of the mouse but they don’t know about social interaction. They see the world as lines of code (think The Matrix).

 

Music Nerds

“I was listening to them back when they were playing in clubs and you never even heard of them”.

The music nerd is usually also called the hipster. They know every band that has ever played on planet earth… long before that band was popular of course. They always have the best bootleg live shows and import CD’s from Botswana. The music nerd experiences music rather than listens to music. The music nerd always, without fail, hates any band that gets a record deal and screams sell out once that band get played on the radio. The music nerd is really kind of a jerk.

 

Comic Nerds

“Wolverine could kill Superman to death if it were a cloudy day”.

The comic nerd is one that is gaining in status of late. They know what issue a character first appeared, who drew them, who wrote them, who inked them and even what the name of the UPS driver was that brought the book to the store on that fateful Wednesday. The comic nerd views the world though a series of 4 color panels and thinks that punching someone really makes a THOOM sound. Wearing underwear on the outside of your tights is just how real men dress when they bring justice to the world.

 

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