Let’s face it, if any of us lived in a video game world we’d be regular folk, just your run-of-the-mill boring NPC. The only excitement in our lives (unless the protagonist crossed our path) would be special celebrations and holidays.
With Thanksgiving and around the corner, I started wondering what it might be like to celebrate it within a video game. It sounds amazing on surface level until you realise that the majority of game worlds are fraught with enemies and obstacles…much like shopping anywhere on Black Friday.
So here are my picks for the worst game worlds to spend Thanksgiving in:
South Park (South Park 64)
You might believe that South Park is like any other American town so enjoying Thanksgiving here is seemingly normal. However, the turkeys in the N64 game are cold blooded killers so it’s unlikely you’ll be enjoying your usual feast.
I mean, unless you like rabid, mutant poultry? Or maybe you own a Cow Launcher and can take down these evil turkeys? Either way, I’m guessing there are enough fights during the holidays to warrant not starting another with a killer turkey.
Oh and if snowfall comes early, do not…I repeat, DO NOT be tempted to play in the snow because the children of South Park regularly partake in yellow snowball throwing.
Merrysville (EarthBound Beginnings)
The original NES game was called Mother and was released many years before in Japan where the town was actually called Thanksgiving instead of Merrysville. A town whose namesake is eponymous with a celebration should be the ultimate place to enjoy said celebration and yet, this place seems devoid of joy.
When Ninten (the protagonist) first arrives here in-game he discovers Lloyd, who explains how badly he is being bullied by other kids at Tinkle elementary school. Ninten befriends him, though let’s face it, is he really sincere? Or maybe he just felt sorry for Lloyd.
Doesn’t sound so merry to me. The town itself is rather dull, with minimal, similar looking buildings and I have no doubt this would be a terrible place for a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Or any parade for that matter as an NPC informs you that Mr. Mayor….*sigh* the mayor of Merrysville doesn’t seem interested in his town, opting to leave damage from a landslide alone until after re-election.
Seriously, this place sounds horrible. Trying to enjoy Thanksgiving here would be difficult.
Town (Animal Crossing)
Sure, this game has a virtual celebration of Thanksgiving or as it’s known in-game, Harvest Festival, but forget enjoying a traditional turkey roast because in Animal Crossing you definitely won’t be eating it.
In fact, Franklin the turkey (who believes he has been invited to the town to be on the menu) seeks out your help to avoid his end. How? By collecting the knives and forks from the hungry townsfolk of course…yep, solid plan. Definitely not an ineffectual or terribly illogical plan.
This cutlery amnesty means the townsfolk can no longer munch down on Franklin…or anything for that matter, I guess that means finger food only? Fortunately, Franklin must not have heard of jerky.
Even weirder, in later iterations of the game, Franklin will more likely be serving your Thanksgiving food because he turns up in his cute little chef hat and overalls (must be all that cutlery he’s amassed, I guess he has to put it to use somehow).
Spencer Mansion (Resident Evil)
Located several miles outside of Raccoon City is Spencer Mansion and you could be forgiven for thinking it would make a great venue for your Thanksgiving get together. I mean, whoever lives here must be super rich, so it’s only natural to assume that celebrations of any kind held here must be lavish and the parties, more so.
They probably spend more on fireworks than anywhere else in Raccoon City, put up only the finest decorations and have a culinary menu to die for. Thanksgiving here would be an absolute blast. Plenty of rooms for entertaining guests, a huge pantry and kitchen to prepare copious amounts of food, a secret laboratory, the suspended ceiling room, Trevor’s tomb…
Um…yeah, the inhabitants of this mansion want to eat your brains just as much as you want to stuff your face with pumpkin pie. Please don’t spend your Thanksgiving here. That said, there are a few puzzle rooms here that might keep your relatives busy, giving you time to game and that would certainly be something to be thankful for.
Skyrim (the Elder Scrolls series)
Traversing Skyrim or any of the provinces of Tamriel may prove perilous, especially given there are dragons, giant spiders and evil cultists ready to strike at any time of the year.
However, if your ideal Thanksgiving revolves around food, the temptation of sweet rolls, venison stew, grilled leeks, spiced wine and pheasant roast will naturally entice you to face up to those dangers, I mean, those delicious sweet rolls alone seem worth the threat if you ask me!
I also hear Black-Briar mead is great with meat and you can always grab a bottle of Cyrodillic Brandy for that one aunt who refuses to drink anything else.
If you’re planning on attending a firework display after all that food though, think again. Not only will it attract trouble but the illuminations in the sky may look like magic spells being cast and you’ll be called out as a Hagraven or witch. I’m pretty sure you won’t be able to watch any sports here either, unless you count watching Temba Wide-Arms cut wood as sport.
Perhaps Skyrim isn’t such a great place after all. You might be drawn in by the food at first but ultimately, you’re more likely to become dragon’s food if you celebrate Thanksgiving here.
So that’s my list, what do you think?
Let us know in the comments section if there are any other places you think deserve a mention.
Happy Thanksgiving, my American friends!