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SMILE, DARN YA, SMILE…

Here’s another thing; you kids are ruining everything. I have a lot of stuff going on, so I just got caught up with that thing where nerds are complaining about the Captain Marvel trailer because headliner Brie Larson isn’t smiling enough. I mean, forget somehow these brain surgeons have missed that her character smiles four times in the trailer, and NOBODY smiles even once in the Captain America: The First Avenger trailer; that is still the weirdest thing to be worried about in a film.

 

The inherent harassment in that about strangers saying, “Smile! You’re too pretty to pout” or whatever and I was horrified that was the takeaway from a trailer that promises the most powerful character in the MCU, the return of Ronan the Accuser and Korath the Pursuer as a good guy, two-eyed Nick Fury and Rookie Agent Coulson, the SKRULLS!, and a return of the ever-lovin’ S.H.I.E.L.D. to its rightful prominence as the home of American James Bond and his flying car.

There’s interstellar intrigue, an obvious alien invasion, and a bunch of narrative threads pulled together in the middle of a story about a badass pilot and her search for what it means to be human.

And fans are worrying about whether or not the cute girl is smiling enough?

You guys are too busy complaining that you have to “adult” all the time that you’ve either forgotten or never knew how to “human.”

Your parents have failed you, worrying about if some girl is smiling in front of you or not. Let me let you in on a little secret: you know what gets somebody to smile, and works sixty percent of the time, every time? SMILE FIRST.

Everybody’s happy, for a second.

But you don’t know what somebody is going through. Maybe a smile is the last thing on their mind. Lost their job, a parent, got bad news, whatever. Maybe if you smile first, they don’t care right then, but it sticks with them, and they remember later some clown smiled at them and didn’t want anything of them and there’s a small glimmer of joy, there, in the middle of all the crap they have to deal with and you weren’t a selfish dickhead there for a second and made somebody smile at the thought of your goofy grin and you made them see everything’s going to be OK even if you didn’t see them do it. Man, I’m surprised your parents didn’t teach you this.

So, let’s just work on GETTING people to smile instead of demanding it, and life will go smoother for everyone. And worrying about smiles in a trailer for an action film?

Come on, guys. Let’s not forget about what “context” means.

Anyway, I’m not sure how you obvious nutjobs in the audience think it’s a good use of your time to judge any film on its first trailer, much less whether or not the lead is smiling enough for you. I don’t remember a lot of smiling from Tom Hanks in the Captain Phillips trailer.

I’m not sure how this criticism even got to be a thing. I do have to say I loved Larson’s response to people taking screenshots from the trailer and the poster and whatnot and “proving” their point by photoshopping smiles onto her face. She took the major male leads of other MCU films and photoshoped smiles onto THEIR faces, to show how ridiculous that criticism actually is. Saving the universe is serious bizness. It’s an embarrassment I even have to point this out.

Does anyone spend time asking you to smile when you’re on your way from here to there? They don’t, to me. But one of the best things about rocking these ridiculous Tsar Santa the First Christmas Cossack whiskers I do is it looks like I’m smiling even when I’m not.

But dang if I go see action movies counting all the smiles to see if I dig it or not, and I don’t believe anybody else does, either. I dunno; maybe Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible movies. That guy always looks like he’s having a good time.

You know who else does?

Brie Larson in Captain Marvel. Smiles or not (again; there are four. You don’t even have to watch it like Oliver Stone watches the Zapruder film to see them), that flick looks balls-out amazing.

 

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