I know it’s past Friday the 13th, and thus, writing my list about Jason Vorhees-themed whatever’s isn’t timely. I don’t care.
If I could only do certain things once a year, then my ex-girlfriends would get presents only on Christmas, and my restraining order knows that that’s not the case at all.
You can have chocolate on more days than Easter and you can dress up like monsters any day of the damn year if you want to. Scare your kids, masked parents. Jump out of closets unexpectedly. Train them for battle.
In short, what I’m trying to say is that you can write about the Friday the 13th series any time that you want. You can thank me later, everyone who planned to write about the Friday the 13th series today.
So grab your collection and get ready to study up.
However, who wants to watch a movie by themselves?
The correct answer is no one. But what earth person, other than completely normal you, wants to see a marathon of all the Friday the 13th films?
This calls for some old-fashioned trickery and deceit.
The following are the main Friday The 13th plots, minus Jason Vorhees. This way, if your friends ask “What are we gonna watch?” you’ll have an answer that’s, for the most part, true. And when they say “Hey, what’s with the hockey masked killer?” you can act just as surprised as they are.
Friday the 13th (Minus Pamela):
After spending a long time in disrepair, Camp Crystal Lake is back! A group of campers (including Kevin Bacon in his first starring role) have joined together to return the camp to its former standards. But there’s only one problem: Crazy Old Ralph is trying to spook everyone with his ghost stories! Can the group ignore Ralph’s warnings of doom, and bring some fun back to the camp? Filled with love and laughter, this is a story for the whole family!
Friday the 13th Part 2 (Minus Jason)
Camp Crystal Lake just can’t stay clean, can it? A whole new group of counselors have been sent in to bring some order back to the place, including wheelchair bound Mark, who dreams of getting his first kiss. But can the counselors focus on their work when a new, booming bar opens in the same town? Will Mark finally get to first base? And just what is Crazy Old Ralph up to again? Find out in Friday the 13th Part 2!
Friday the 13th Part 3 (Minus Jason)
There’s no one at the camp and it’s time to party, in 3-D! Join Chris, Debbie and the whole gang as they have the night of their lives at Higgins Haven. But not everything is smooth sailing as a drunk preacher takes it upon himself to warn them! Will the teens keep up their good spirits or will they decide for a quiet night at home? How will they handle the bikers who just want to vandalize the place? As Chili says “Give me something to scream about” and the in-your-face attitude of Friday The 13th in 3-D will do just that!
Friday the 13th The Final Chapter (Minus Jason):
When Chris breaks up with his girlfriend, BJ Betty, his friends take him out to a lakeside cabin for a chance to get his mind off things. But the sudden arrival of hot twins on bikes changes everything and soon all the boys are vying for their attention. Will teenage hormones prevail? They usually do! Join Chris and the rest as they navigate this tricky little thing called love. And someone tell Ted that, once and for all, it’s not a real computer!
Friday the 13th A New Beginning (Minus Not Jason):
Tommy Jarvis just wants a normal life, but his memories keep catching up to him. After being transported to a cabin in the woods for troubled teens, he might finally get the chance he deserves, especially with the hottie, Pam, always checking up on him. Can Tommy’s scars heal or is he doomed to the nightmares his brain inflicts upon him? This is truly a new beginning, in more ways than one!
Friday the 13th Jason Lives (Minus Jason):
Sheriff Garris’ daughter, Megan, just wants a normal life, away from the clutches of her strict father and suffocating small town atmosphere. Enter Tommy Jarvis, a bad boy with a complicated past, who sweeps Megan off her feet. Is Tommy the man that she’s been looking for, or will her father’s paranoid mentality end their relationship before it gets a chance to start? Including a hilarious paintball sequence, this is one Friday The 13th that is not to be missed!
Friday The 13th The New Blood (Minus Jason):
Tina Shepard bears a dark secret: she might be psychic! However, these powers led to the death of her own father and Tina has all but given up hope for a regular existence. Will the caring Dr. Crews manage to get her to break out of her shell and accept her extraordinary gift? The triumph of the human spirit is just one of the many themes of this inspiring film.
Friday the 13th Jason Takes Manhattan (Minus Jason):
Get into your empire state of mind with a trip to the Big Apple! Join the senior class of Lakeview High as they take a trip on the SS Lazarus, set to port in New York City. Watch in delight as they successfully dodge chaperones and unsuccessfully dodge underwater power cables in this madcap journey to the city that never sleeps. This is one adventure that proves that getting there really is half the fun, or more!
Friday the 13th Jason Goes To Hell (Minus Jason):
A virtual anthology of stories comes together in the craziest Friday the 13th yet! What do the FBI, a couple of nutty coroners, some campers and a mystical dagger all have in common? You’ll have to see this one to believe it! Really, you will.
Jason X (Minus Jason):
Make a wish on a falling star and set your sights for the future!
Featuring the always creepy David Cronenberg as a scientist, this Friday the 13th has it all: androids, space stations and hell, even a little bit of love too. This entry in the iconic series goes for uber-hilarity, making you wish you could be cryogenically frozen, just so you could see it forever!
