Dear Hollywood,
I am partial to a touch of illegal downloading, especially when it comes to certain overpriced computer software, but when my friend casually mentioned watched Django Unchained in the comfort of his (or her) own bed I was shocked.
I was all agasp like a Victorian woman who had glimpsed a man’s kneecap before marriage and teatime.
For starters it hasn’t even been released in the UK yet, (it has to get shipped to the UK via whale, or boat, or pigeon carrier, or whatever stupid reason the distributors have for staggering its release onto British shores) but there is something about the release of an important film that demands cinema attendance.
By important, I mean Oscar Nominated. Obviously.
You cannot get the contagious excitement of the movie theatre in your bedroom, the majesty of the huge screen, the atmosphere of geeky giddiness and teenage hormones in overdrive and the restricted access to social media. I don’t know about you, but nowadays I NEED boundaries in order to concentrate on what is in front of me instead of multi-Facebook tasking.
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| “How the hell did they get Hangover 3 already?” |
I can only compare watching the latest release alone in my bedroom akin to preparing a brilliant meal only eaten by you, and that is always a hollow experience. You want to knock on your neighbours door, spoon thrust forward screaming “TASTE THIS! ITS DELICIOUS.” I suppose you could do that with a particularly invigorating scene in Django Unchained, except it would involve dragging your laptop into your neighbours living room demanding they watch Christoph Waltz make things tense.
The argument for downloading, other then wanting to watch the film at the same as American people (seriously, can’t you just put all those Oscar contenders on a Concorde and zoom them over here?) is the disgustingly expensive price of admission.
When I was fifteen I paid £3.50 to see American Pie, but The Reunion cost me nearly £10. And salaries haven’t tended to match this increase, plus I don’t get pocket money anymore.
Now I am not about to have an opinion on the economy. I don’t know near enough and regard myself as one of those floaty creative types, just strolling through life confused about taxes, living in arrested development. I also don’t have a strong pro or anti downloading voice either, because I am conflicted and essentially I turn up hypocritical. In my previous line of work, as a musician, if downloading had not existed I am certain I would have earned a bit more dinero but I am not complaining, as I got to travel, do awesome things, but the money was not good. It was positively bad.
However I think downloading movies just takes away from the experience.
Hollywood, I propose you solve this British urge to download by bringing out films at the same time during the Awards season.
Lincoln isn’t even out, yet it is up for numerous British Film Academy Awards, which pisses me off. So the elite and privilege critics get to laud over us about how wonderful it is, like someone eating a delicious cake they just won’t share, but the majority have to wait another couple of weeks to have an opinion? By that point all the buzz from the US and critical acclaim will have spread like wildfire, so we all have half formed opinions on it anyway.
It’s like the old philosophical debate…How do people know what a chair or a table is without it being explained to them. How do people know Skyfall was the best Bond ever before they have seen it?
My worry is this.
That the film industry will quickly go the way of the music industry, and everyone will have a Kickstarter because cinema tickets cost a fortune and no one wants to leave the house anyway because everything in their room is for free. And we will have lost the joy of shared laughter. Shared appreciation of Tarantino’s zany dialogue and ketchup spurty blood. Shared shivers at Daniel Day-Lewis being really good at acting. Shared disillusionment with films that declare themselves the next Bridesmaids because someone in the film once borrowed a sanity towel from Kristen Wiig.
On a sidenote….
LES MISÉRABLES WAS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD EVER OMG.
Love,
Ellen x
