Cut! And That’s a Wrap for “Letters To Hollywood”

Dear Reader (and Hollywood),

I have contributed to Forces of Geek for a little over a year now, writing about 25 columns which you can relive here.

And can I just say I have had a whale of a time doing it, loosely tying up cinematic thoughts under one umbrella. My dissatisfaction with the way Hollywood is run.

I like to think I have changed things, shook up the establishment a little, encouraged Disney to stop releasing DVD’s for limited amounts of time.

But now it is time for me to leave. Not because I have lost my cynicism, oh no, I am if anything more cynical then ever, but because I feel I have said all I need to say on the matter… for the moment.

I dislike so much about the Hollywood mill, but like a close friend, relative or reflection you find so much fault with it’s because you know it can, has and will do better.

It has to change and adapt if it is to survive the current economic climate (how bored are we of reading that?)

A lot of Hollywood is full of bullshit.

It underestimates audience’s intellect time and time again, believing minimal effort and puerile scripts result in maximum rewards or profit. It increasingly makes major misfires. Its cockiness at its own dumbed down lazy presentations have recently lead to some severe box office bombs.

2012 was full of flops like Battleship, and I hate to mention the much lambasted John Carter but I have to because it did so badly. Then there was Rock of Ages, The Watch and some Adam Sandler comedies that failed to live up to expectations (even though the expectations are so low at this point you have to pinch yourself and remind yourself he was in Punch Drunk Love) But I take solace in these flops, as none of them were good films.

And godwilling the Disney backed The Lone Ranger will also prove to be a flop. Then the studios might stop indulging Johnny Depp in his ridiculous career choices, and he might even attempt to act rather then playing a novelty character. Do you even remember the last time Depp was in a film where he wasn’t a mythological being, Hunter S Thompson or a character full of over pronounced tics and quirks? Yes that’s right, when he played Gilbert Grape. He needs to do a small-scale human drama and he needs to do it quickly. Or just bathe in his money in France. Whatever. He doesn’t care about integrity anymore.

But there is also tragedy to the Hollywood flop. Cloud Atlas “failed to find a audience,” and for all its rambling faults and bad accents it didn’t deserve to be so easily dismissed by audiences. Amongst it’s many threaded story lines there are moments of wonder and gravitas, and it’s central message about love and connection through the ages is something I can get behind. I am a sentimentalist.

Andrew Dominicks Killing Them Softly, also tanked, which goes to show that even Brad Pitt can’t guarantee box office success. Dominick also wrote and directed The Assassination of Jesse James, another powerful and visually stunning flop, and unless Pitt funnels more production money into his next project, I would say his career is in doubt. But give me the breath taking cinematography of Dominick over the 3D effects heavy overblown Life of Pi.

But Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters looks like it is failing, so silver linings…. (playbook.)  Then again, they just announced the sequel, so failing apparently no longer matters.

Some intelligent blockbusters like Looper and The Dark Knight Rises have done well, but Alice in Wonderland and Transformers are still in the top ten list of highest grossing movies of all time. I will stop feeling cynical when these derivative pieces of trash stop being lazily rolled into our cinemas.

I think my favourite term is sleeper hit. You really want your smart indie (or smindie) to be regarded of as a sleeper hit, defying the little that was expected of it and making a bit of dough due to word of mouth/clever promotion/release scheduling by the Weinstein Brothers. Like Safety Not Guaranteed, made on a budget of 10p, financed by various film incentives and grossing $4 million dollars.

I did not hear about this film through it’s marketing campaign, I heard about it through magazine coverage in relation to film festivals, through friends recommendations, and through it’s listing on a local art house cinema I trust. But I would also regard Les Miserables and Argo as sleeper hits, as despite their huge budgets, all star casts, and award garnering, it has been their word of mouth appeal (like The King’s Speech) which lead to repeat viewings and elongated cinematic runs. Damm, Tom Hooper is getting good at compelling cinema.

I guess I didn’t know what to write in this last column, maybe I wanted to create my own Cloud Atlas, a complicated mess with a few good key points but the rest a menagerie of rambles and incoherent thoughts. But dammit I mean well. I always meant well, even when I was teasing Hollywood because with its melting pot of tapped and untapped talent, films like Movie 43 have no excuse for existing. And Hollywood has no excuse for underestimating us anymore.

But I guess its tit for tat.

You give us Stoker.

But then you remake Old Boy.

So goodbye Hollywood, and Forces of Geek. I shall return, but with a bigger budget.

And remember, I’ll be right here