In 2014, television fans spent the better part of the year saying goodbye to old friends (Sons of Anarchy, How I Met Your Mother), finding new favorites (Fargo) and sitting at the edge of our friggin’ seats.
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, this was an intense year for TV.
Let’s take a look at the highlights:
Always known for its excessive gore, the fight scene between The Mountain and Prince Oberyn was beautifully over the top and horrific, even for the HBO series.
Watching Oberyn (Pedro Pascal) lose his upper hand over the Mountain (Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson) as he lets his feelings about his murdered sister cloud his judgement, the semi-giant made short work of the swift-footed prince with an axe to grind. After knocking out all of his teeth, the behemoth squished his competitor to death with his bare hands.
Take that, original book version!
Best “Oh Yeah, I Totally Forgot About That”: Boardwalk Empire
Enoch “Nucky” Thompson is killed by the son of Jimmy Darmody, Nuck’s one-time protege who he killed at the end of season two. Although it is unclear exact how the youth found out about Nucky, viewers can’t help but feel vindicated by the karma of the situation: Not only did Nucky kill Jimmy, he effectively killed his mother the day he whored her out to the Commodore in an effort to boost his career. And now, the end result of all his fuckery has shot him down in the town he helped create.
Touche’.
Worst Sex Scene: Game of Thrones
Nothing screams “romance” like raping your sister by the corpse of your bastard son. In Game of Thrones, that might be actually downright adorable, considering the show’s history with loving couples.
After Cercei turned away from her former lover-brother one again while visiting the body of her son, the mentally and physically destroyed Jamie had enough. He was determined to force his way back into sister Cersei’s good graces one way or another.
Runner-Up for Worst Sex Scene: True Detective
“Make flowers on me.” – Betty Childress
Best Use of the “C” Word: Penny Dreadful
No one was expecting much from the seance at Sir Ferdinand Lyle’s, but little did anyone expect it to affect Miss Vanessa Ives so deeply.
As soon as the spirits took hold of Miss Ives, she began to mock Sir Malcolm Murray in the voice of his deceased son. But then something more sinister takes hold of the young women, and the river of vile expletives that come streaming from her mouth can only be compared to Cheech Marin’s Chet Pussy monologue in From Dusk to Dawn.
Best Couple: Venus Van Dam and Tig from Sons of Anarchy
It seemed so unlikely, not because Venus (Walton Goggins) is a transvestite in love with a thug biker, because let’s face it, Tig (Kim Coates) always had a taste for the fringe, whether its his love of oddball stripers or the occasional dead body.
No, what made the story so memorable was that in the end, it was just another story about how a man and woman fell in love.
As Tig breaks down while Venus attempts to gently let him off the hook is truly one of the most romantic moments of the show. Tara and Jax be damned!
Best “Fuck It”: Sons of Anarchy
Jax Teller riding his motorcycle head first into a big rig (driven by Michael Chiklis) in the series finale.
Worst Craft Services: The Walking Dead
“You taste much better than we thought you would…”
In the episode “Strangers,” Bob Stookey (Lawrence Gilliard Jr.) ends up a main course for Gareth and the fine, young cannibals of the Terminus.
Best Homage to the Work of Scorsese: True Detective
The single tracking shot in the episode “Who Goes There” harkened back to the Goodfellas helmer’s love for single-take shots used to establish characters and scenes. In this case, the six-minute shot effectively builds the tension to a fever pitch as Rust Cohle (Matthew McConaughey) and Marty Hart (Woody Harrelson) attempt to escape a bust gone wrong
Worst Present: Mad Men
A nipple, as given by copywriter Michael Ginsberg (Ben Feldman) to Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) as a little keepsake.
Best “FINALLY!” Moment: Fargo
When the hardworking Molly (Allison Tolman) is finally given an ear that will listen to her theories, and furthermore, BELIEVE HER and not shoot her down or tell her that she is wasting her time.
Yes, it took about a year, but Molly finally receives the credit she so rightfully deserved.
And eventually, the job.
Worst/Best Tupperware Party: American Horror Story: Freakshow
If going to third base with a carnie who suffers from ectrodactyly your thing, then this might be the greatest Tupperware party of all time for you.
On American Horror Story: Freak Show, housewives meet under the ruse of discussing plastic-party ware, but in actuality are enjoying the handy dandy talents of Jimmy Darling, aka “Lobster Boy.”
Saddest Backstory: Orange Is The New Black
But she seemed so normal!
After listening to prisoner Lorna Morello wax poetic about her fiance Christopher for most of last season, viewers were shocked to find out that her dream-come-true boyfriend is nothing more than the victim of a crazy lady’s fantasies.
Best Show/Performance To Hate Watch: Peter Pan: Live
If only for the Tweeting frenzy that occurred during the live broadcast.
My favorite tweet:
This is going to teach a generation of teenage girls to run off with woodsy lesbian home invaders! #peterpan
— Adam Feldman (@FeldmanAdam) December 5, 2014
