Recently, I was on an excursion to visit a friend in the lovely state of Michigan. Now that we are adults she has opened her own business: a video game and dvd resale store.
I was walking down the aisles and gazing at game after game; Contra, Sonic, 007, Mario… all very meaningful games indeed.
However, after some browsing I spotted it, a game so majestic, so innovative, so absolutely mind blowing I had my subject for this week’s Flashback to the Present:
Monster Rancher for PS1
My heart leapt with glee!
I immediately found an old PS1 in my friends store, grabbed some CD’s and off I went into the world of Monster Rancher.
In Monster Rancher, you play the role of, well, a Monster Rancher. You see, before the world’s continents were broken up into pieces, a HUGE disaster hit – think of that scene in Ghostbusters where Sigourney Weaver wigs out and wants to bone a demon and you sort of have the idea.
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| There is no Dana…Only Zuul… |
So what are the people to do but pray to God for help; God being the omnipotent presence that he is created new life forms. However, these life forms were wrought with troubles, so God got sassy on them and sealed them into “disc stones” – otherwise known as your everyday average music CD, DVD or CD Videogame.
Now you, the rancher, must use these “disc stones” to unlock the monster life forms within. And of course like any good human it is now your job to raise these monsters so they may battle with each other for human enjoyment; but in a peaceful way of course. You know, because this is a game aimed at children, unicorns and rainbows.
GO HUMANITY!
Now the true joy of the game is seeing what CD’s generate the best monsters. For this exercise I choose: Dave Matthews Band: Under the Table and Dreaming, Bjork: Post, and Christmas with Rico.
I powered up the game and looked on with joy as the mystical synth music enveloped me and a bunch of black and white dudes with pick axes discover the disc stones.
“Oh my God!” they say and I do too, for I am about to become a father.
I type in my trainer name, “Butt Sausage” and am introduced to my assistant Holly. We have a little chat about responsible breeding, talk to this old guy about tournaments and off we go to town to get my monster!
We arrive at a coliseum like building. Here I have two choices:
- to get a basic type monster go to the Market.
- to generate a monster from a CD go to the shrine.
Screw that noise. Who wants a basic type monster?
We head off to the shrine.
I am prompted to put in my CD. I choose Christmas with Rico and a magic rune disc spins around and out pops my new baby Monster!
I name him “Mother Thumper.”
I am informed his main breed is hare and his sub breed is pixie.
That he has a high speed but can be lazy and run away.
I knew Christmas with Rico would give me a problem child, but I will persevere.
Now we begin our training.
Every week I can choose to feed Mother Thumper either:
- potato – animal feed that monsters dislike 10g
- fish -an appropriate snack 100G
- meat- a feast for a special occasion 300G
I figure it’s his birthday and all so I toss him some meat. We continue on with our schedule of work, train, battle or rest.
Based on my feeding and training decisions I am rated as an even, fair, nice or spoiled trainer. My monster is loyal to me using a scale of 1-5.
Here is the training menu:
I know Mother Thumper will need a firm hand and much speed training so I have him eating mainly fish and training at the circus. He can at times be a lazy little minx and will just sleep during his training. That’s when I have to crack the whip or feed him a potato.
After several weeks, its time for his first battle. The tournaments are ranked in order from easiest to hardest, E, D, C, B, A, S.
Our first battle is with a pink dino called Lambar and Mother Thumper drops him with his speed and agility. I couldn’t be happier.
As the weeks wear on we train more and battle more and are now at level D. I feel like Mother Thumper has gone as far as he can go. Well, that and the fact he’s a lazy and keeps running away during battles. It’s time for him to be frozen.
I take him over to the shrine and get that done. I then generate a monster from Bjork’s Post. Out comes an adorable pixie plant who I dub as “Sass_Beast.” She’s pretty sexy and its really too bad I couldn’t employ her in some other sort of vocation.
But that would be bad and wrong.
I raise her up for a bit but she turns out to be a stubborn feisty thing so I go and freeze her.
Finally, it is Dave Matthews time. Out pops a Monol. He is a rectangular black box and a clear nod to 2001: A Space Odyssey’s Monolith. He will be known as “Hal9000.”
Now it is time for me to really play god, for I can generate a sperm, monster creating milk shake just like in the movie Twins. I get Mother Thumper, Sass Beast and Hal9000 and take them to the shrine.
I combine them and out pops Kuma. He’s a monster who loves the old-fashioned way of life.
It’s at this moment my friend Heather taps my shoulder.
“Ugh dude. You’ve been playing this for 9 hours and the store is closing.”
“But I just found a website that lists all the rare monsters,” I exclaim!
I was so caught up in being God, with the power, the glory, The Monster Rancher, I completely lost track of time.
So with that I whipped out my credit card and purchased Monster Rancher and an old school PS1 so I could continue the glory in LA.
Until next time….
