It’s long overdue, but I think we all owe The Lost World an apology.
Previously I described The Lost World as a B movie in comparison to its predecessor. Well, if Lost World is a B movie, then Jurassic Park 3 is without question a C movie.
I mean, was the script even written before they started shooting?
Seems like Spielberg knew the right time to split from the series. This is the first one to not be based on Crichton’s source material and even David Koepp jumped ship so new writers were brought in to further the plot (including, oddly enough, Alexander Payne. Did he owe Universal a favor?).
I clearly know what I’m talking about seeing as I’m the proud owner of the first two Jurassic Park movies in a Special Edition Widescreen DVD 2-pack box set (super fan, right here). It’s fun to revisit them from time to time, typically back-to-back as the first often puts me in the mood for the second.
I never even considered owning Jurassic Park 3 (sorry, JP3), and for years even ignored its existence, not willing to recognize it as a continuation of the series.
I chose what was my ending and this was not it.
So how did I re-watch this one if I don’t own it, I hear you asking? After exploring all the free options I could think of and coming up short, I found the entire movie uploaded on YouTube. Shows how little Universal cares about protecting this particular IP.
I know that JP3 has its apologists.
I think this is mostly in part to the return of Alan Grant and fans feeling a kinship to that character.
But clearly, the third one is so pathetic, it makes the second one look good in comparison. For real, the one thing that JP3 has going for it is the return of Sam Neill to give it some legitimacy. Without him, how can you really even call it Jurassic Park? But not even his presence is enough to save the movie.
Also, does anyone else find it ironic that Sam Neill states firmly that nothing will make him return to the island but then he caves for a big fat paycheck? Nothing like art imitating life.
It’s not hard to figure out what’s so different about Park 3 and why it doesn’t fit in with the others. It doesn’t have that Spielberg touch. Joe Johnston does his best to fill the director’s chair here. I guess he seemed like a logical choice because he had experience working with CGI creatures in Jumanji and I’m sure he came with Spielberg’s stamp of approval, but it’s clearly not the right tone and mostly feels soulless. Even the sillier Lost World still felt important in its execution.
I don’t want to hammer Johnston too bad. It’s not his fault he’s not Spielberg (and after all, he did give us Honey, I Shrunk the Kids), but I will blame him for the inexcusable worst moment in Jurassic Park history. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to refresh your memory. Alan is having a dream, and in the dream, the fakest looking animatronic raptor you’ve ever seen says his name aloud and we’re supposed to jump out of our skin.
It was so over the top and painfully hacky that I’m pretty sure myself and the entire theater I saw it with busted a gut, the complete opposite reaction of what they were going for in that scene.
I’m not even going to bother you with the plot or why they’re on the island. The writers sure didn’t.
It’s just a excuse to put a small group of survivors on dino island and have them run for their lives for 90 minutes (hey, at least it’s short).
Really all this movie has to offer is trying to up the ante by with the addition of “talking” raptors (which I’m confident will be forgotten in the next one), Spinosaurus (which looks way less cool that T-Rex), and angry Pterodactyls. That and some really annoying characters that you wish would just die.
Seriously, they do a really good job of making us root for the dinosaurs in this one.
Out of all the actors though who completely phoned it in, the one I was the most disappointed in was the great William H. Macy. After admiring his performances in such great character work as Fargo and Boogie Nights, he really just shows up here. I don’t want to misquote the man, but I recall around this time, he said something to the effect of being proud of his indie work but that now that he had kids, “my ass is for sale.”
And boy, was he not kidding. Jurassic Park 3: College Fund must have been the alternate title for this installment over at the Macy household.
Not only was Jurassic Park 3 the worst reviewed of the series up to that point, it was the lowest grossing, dooming the franchise to extinction for over a decade. It died with a whimper as opposed to a roar and made a strong case that the series couldn’t survive without Spielberg steering the ship.
Anyone who doesn’t know what the importance of a director is and the impact they have on the final product I give you Exhibit A.
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| Johnston does get props for creating Boba Fett… |
This theory will once again be put to the test in this week when Colin Trevorrow gets his shot at the long dormant franchise with Jurassic World. I enjoyed his last movie, Safety Not Guaranteed, the trailers look awesome (but I’ve been fooled before) and it’s got Chris Pratt, which is a strong addition to any blockbuster, but it could very well fall flat.
It’s the equivalent of a Disney animated straight-to-video sequel, not really worthy to bare the same brand name, but the packaging looks the same so fans will eat it up no matter what the contents are.
And that, my friends, is the real chaos theory.
