Living in what is basically the real world equivalent of Winterfell, I basically only ever experience two seasons here in Manchester up in the North West of England.
It’s either winter, or winter is coming.
The last couple of weeks however, we have actually had some summer and the city has lost it’s mind over it. After bitching about how we never get any breaks when it comes to the weather, people are now complaining about how it’s too hot at 29 degrees… or 84 degrees if we’re talking Fahrenheit – you guys are old school like that.
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| Winterfell IRL |
It isn’t too hot at all. This weather is glorious! It’s even been punctuated with some really amazing electrical storms; more dramatic than any storm we’ve had here for years. The truth is, people just don’t know how to deal when weather like this creeps up on them. Even if when they first leave the house it’s a sunglasses kind of day, chances are it’s either cold or going to rain in an apocalyptic fashion as soon as you get out of walking distance from home, so you’d better pack an umbrella too.
So when it’s hot and dry, us Mancunians just don’t know what to do with that umbrella, and most of us haven’t even heard of sunscreen.
My advice for my fellow citizens of Manchester, and to anyone else this summer really, is to take a leaf out of the cosplayers’ book and take inspiration on warm weather outfits from some of your favorite characters.
Wear Sunscreen
There is no better advice in the world. Want to stay look younger for longer? Wear sunscreen. Want to be beautiful? Wear sunscreen. Want to reduce your chances of skin cancer? Wear sunscreen. Want an excuse to get someone to rub oils all over your body? Wear sunscreen.
The higher the factor the better, and be sure to top up by reapplying after sweating a lot or taking a dip in the pool or the sea. Don’t forget to put it on your hands and feet, the tops of your ears – EVERYWHERE.
Kids’ sunblock is usually factor 50-100, that’s the good stuff. It even sometimes comes in bright colors, what could be more fun?
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| No one knows more about how to look after your skin that this lady. |
Protect your eyes
Your eyes are just as susceptible as your skin, so find yourself some protective eyewear. The only forms of eye wear that give you 100% protection are the double pirate eye-patch, or the Christian Grey blindfold. But if you would like to actually see then you should invest in some sunglasses.
Not all sunglasses provide UVA & UVB protection, so make sure that you check when buying them that they’re not just to make you look cool, but will also stop your eyes getting sun damage. Even when wearing sunglasses, you still shouldn’t look directly at the sun. And under no circumstances should you wear your sunglasses indoors, unless you’re Bono and then such douchebaggery is expected (and only acceptable because of his glaucoma.)
Wear a Hat
Not only will a hat protect the top of your head (which can still get burned and whatnot through your hair – the sun is a bitch) but it can also protect your face, neck and shoulders if it has a big enough peak or rim.
Hats with a large enough rim can double as rain protection too.
For complete coverage of face, head, eyes and neck, something like this might be more suitable. No need to put sunscreen on your nose or wear sunglasses, let this full helmet do all those jobs in one. It may get a little sweaty in there, but better moist than burned right?
Wear less
If it’s too hot, take off a layer or two. You don’t need that insulation, you need ventilation! Wearing less is also good for eliminating those embarrassing sweat patches. Rather than seeping through your clothes and making dark marks on them, wearing less means that your sweat will just give you that Photoshopped glossy look, before evaporating into a musty smell that you can blame on someone else.
Remember to cover any exposed skin with sunscreen, otherwise you could end up with crazy burnt/pale contrasting skin tones, which is definitely not ‘in’ this season.
That outfit is going to leave some terrible tan lines.
Wear White
Wearing white is good for deflecting both sunrays and heat; so it can add to your UV protection and help you stay cool. Wearing all white can be risky however; it’s prone to picking up stains more easily than other colors and you’d better check when Labor Day is (I’m British, so I have no idea.)
But sunscreen is usually white too, so no problems there, and you can just limit any food you eat to the white variety like vanilla ice cream, milk, mashed potatoes, bread, eggs and some kinds of rice.
Wear Reflective Clothing
So if wearing white reflects some of the suns rays, why not just reflect all of them right? Well, if that’s your way of thinking there are some much bolder styles that you can try.
There is always the full silver jumpsuit, a favorite of most futuristic civilizations. It covers every part of you for maximum protection and is perfect for every season as it is a great insulator during winter. Best accessorized with matching silver boots, gloves, and if you’re really getting into the outfit theme, a space helmet.
If you favor warmer colors, the C-3PO look might be more your thing. Gold tones are more summery than silver and has a bit more of a bling factor. If you decide to go with solid gold, be aware that your suit will be extremely heavy and so you should make sure you take it off before you go swimming to avoid drowning risks.
Also ensure that others around you are protected from sun exposure too, as you could be deflecting your unwanted rays onto them.
Stay in the shade
Staying out of the sun completely is the only way to be 100% sure that our pasty white British butts don’t burn. So the best advice to give a ghostly pale person, who is trying to dress appropriately for summer, would be “stay inside!”
Indoors, it’s much easier to avoid the sun – just close all the drapes, stuff gum in the keyholes, open up Netflix and forget about the overexcitement of the world of daylight outside. That way you can wear whatever you want without burning, and if you have air-con, you could even wear a fur coat without breaking a sweat if you so desired.
Alternatively, you could just go nocturnal for the summer and develop some sexy vampire chic.
If all of that is a little too inconvenient for your busy daytime schedule, there is a better way to stay in the shade at all times.
Go for the archaeologist’s choice and have a large round boulder roll around behind you all day. There is of course an element of danger as you could be crushed at any moment, but this can be easily avoided by using your whip to lasso a nearby streetlight and hoist yourself for safety.
Best accessorized with a fedora, partially unbuttoned shirt and 5 o’clock shadow.
Wear whatever you like this summer, but don’t forget that there is a right and wrong way to dress when in comes to your health.
Stay protected, stay hydrated and try to divide up long periods spent in the heat with breaks spent indoors, in the ocean or the pool.
